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Reviews

Bikini Bash
(2001)

Respectable PG-13 Fun
'Bikini Bash' is said to have come out in 2001, but it definitely has a 90's feel. Watching it means getting on board with a certain level of nostalgia, settling for ladies who stay in bikinis and a semi-cheesy presentation. Choose a decent softcore title from Playboy, Penthouse over this if the main goal is titillation, but I was surprised to find myself enjoying this more than I thought I would. Two contests - Laguna Beach and Palm Springs - plus some annoying filler seals the deal.

Lots of thongs, patriotic American flag bikinis make a showing during "Laguna Beach" where the ladies pose on a waterfront stage together or solo for judging purposes as a narrator speaks. At the end of posing a host breaks in to have a forced talk with each lady that happily doesn't go too long. Some "casual" footage where the ladies hang out at the beach, shoot basketball, hit the water or pose in the sand. Then the winners are chosen and they get quick solo montages (ending at the 42 min mark). Next comes bikini babes hanging out in Catalina on a boat, at the beach or in public (1 min montage) before the video gets down to a quick indoor contest with different ladies (55 mins total).

"Palm Springs" is the contest the title makes a big deal about known names appearing in - Playboy PMotY Stacy Sanches, bikini T&A star Melinda Armstrong, models Lauren Hays, Robin Arcuri - but the truth is they don't appear for long. The good news is you get some decent solos away from the stage and public gawking of bikini clad ladies (not in the contest). The bad news is there's some stage elements shown that aren't hot (first 42 mins). Then it breaks off into "Palm Springs at Night" where the fluff goes overdrive. A lot of cringe humor from "hosts" thru interviews with ladies in public & bad jokes typical of vids from the 90's (55 mins total).

If you're old enough to recall late night 1-900 infomercials with bikini babes, the abundance of these sorts of contests or how Swimsuit issues from the likes of SI or Sport magazine used to get you excited there's some old fashioned joy here. 'Bikini Bash' is a bit of a time machine and while bikinis have never lost their popularity it's all about taking them off now. If you want a blast from the past this makes for an okay view.

Teasers
(1993)

Pitching a Tent
'Teasers' is fairly easy to review because it's not a real movie even though it's trying to appear as such. It's striptease after striptease as fueled by credit card fraud (lol). Nudity is it's one and only goal which admittedly it has in spades. Barely any dialog - none from the women including headliner Julie Strain - and only the tiniest bit of a setup and ending. It's a juvenile fantasy come to life circa 1993.

Two underage buddies (Chris Parrish, Woods Laufer) enter a stripclub and watch Cowgirl (Annette Burger) do her thing. When another patron accidently leaves his credit card behind they take it before being tossed out because of their age. With access to an out of town friends house too, they get the idea to call up a service that provides ladies to come over, strip and get naked for their pleasure and amusement. After a full night of this some detectives show up and it seems like the party is finally over ... but it is?

All the women are referred to in the credits by their dancing shall we say theme. French Maid (Amy Rochelle), Bullfighter (Lauren Hays), School Girl (Ashlie Rhey), Business Woman (Lisa Sutton), Bride (Melinda Armstrong), Fashion Vamp (Strain), Country Girl (Melody Johnson) and Policewoman (Holly Spencer). Some of the ladies only go topless, but surprisingly many go all the way. The majority goes down on a set meant to look like a house's living room with insert shots of the guys on the couch. Pretty basic uninspired filmmaking and both guys clearly look like adults.

The nudity within this VHS era OOP romp 'Teasers' won't knock your socks off, but it has an undeniable 90's feel to it. Light, harmless and absolutely bare bones. The type of material that would have gotten a rise outta young men back in the day. Kinda thing you would have stayed up late at night after your parents went to bed to watch. It's those vibes that give it a level of kitch, but for obvious reasons I can't rate this highly (60 mins runtime).

Hot Body Hall of Fame: Summer Leigh
(1998)

Summer Love
A hot blonde that never attained the same level as other models at the height of 90's big boob craze, Summer Leigh at the very least got her own Hot Body 'Hall of Fame' title. She did work for Playboy, appeared in the pages of Score (did one edition of their beloved boobcruise). Unlike other HoF titles I've seen (Christy Carrera, Tracy Dali) the "filler" of other ladies is intercut with Summer's scenes instead of being left until afterwards. The good news is the main attraction delivers nicely.

Standard intro leads into an interview with the lady in question looking great in a blue dress (2 mins). Then a much anticipated strip from it where she looks mighty fine hitting a bunch of poses. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it looks like she's gonna spread the pink at the end but doesn't (5 mins). "A Bed Time Story For Mae" see's her in a cheetah print dress inside. On a bed that comes off and the panties two minutes later. From here there's some spicy looks at her landing strip kitty including her clearly rubbing it (4.5 mins).

"Summer's Hot Body Recap" is an edited look at previous titles such as 'Bikinis & Bikes', 'Sweet Dreams', 'Hot Body World Championship' and 'Summer Heat'. In the mix is her boobs jiggling on a tennis court, her stripper stage show talents. Plus naked on a bed outside at night, naked on a blanket, washing down her big boobs and a car & oiled up on a lawn chair which is always a hot look (5 mins). "Shawnee's Pool Party" has the lady get out of a see thru bikini top and thong bottoms that show off her butt nicely. I'm always a sucker for outdoor sunny segments and nice closeups kick things up a notch (5 mins).

"Learning To Dive With Summer Leigh" is exactly what it sounds like, but first she goes thru a few different pieces of clothing while talking before settling on a top, skirt. This of course comes off as she poses on a diving board that shows off every itch of her body then she's shown actually diving a few times (5 mins). "Morgan Hills Racks 'Em Up" is the lady's requisite pool number. She clears a few balls and then gets naked. Morgan is attractive, but the scene had trouble really grabbing me even with some nice shots (4.5 mins).

"Summer Hits The Shower" has her chat for a bit and then time to get out of her clothes, get wet. Removal of a white bra, cutoff jean shorts is always a pleasant look ditto her soaping up her wet body. Her boobs, shaved kitty get the requisite focus before things are over (6 mins). "A Heather In A Haystack" finds Heather Monroe outside in front of hay bails in her polka dot bra, panties. Her tanned body is a sight and better when completely naked. Shots of her tanned butt are really great (5 mins). "Summer Takes You To Bed" didn't please me with the first two mins going towards a chat, ditto another two on top without any nudity, but hot shots - closeups of her boobs, shaved kitty - later salvage things (7 mins). "Coming Attractions" is an ad for an upcoming video starring blonde bombshell Christy Carrera that gives some excellent nude looks at her body (1 mins).

I always feel bad talking about the additional ladies featured on a Hot Body HoF title. I guess because I'm here for the star and this material feels like a cop-out. Luckily Summer Leigh's stuff is good and allowed me to see more material from the blonde I haven't seen much from. Lastly her scene from Playboy's 'Voluptuous Vixens II' is worth seeing if you haven't already. She's featured in a hot navy number with fellow busty ladies Tawny Peaks, Linda O'Neil that is a delight.

Playboy's Casting Calls: New York & Arizona
(2008)

I Can't Go For That
My journey down the road of watching Playboy audition ladies started with 'Tryouts' and I wasn't blown away by the results. Let's be honest - it's a low energy idea, cheap - but you still get a dose of female nudity you came for I suppose. However 'Casting Calls: New York & Arizona' makes that video I just named look fantastic in comparison. Took me three start-and-stop attempts to finish this title. I don't mind little breaks from the nudity, but it has to come at a steady clip and what's here doesn't get the job done.

You should know upfront a lot of time is spent talking with the ladies in various forms. A narrator takes us thru them and you'll notice that even though 350+ showed up in NYC this video shows off a small number. The largest portion - Arizona - cuts straight to the action. I don't think this requires a detailed breakdown all things considered but here we go.

NYC;
  • Intro sets the stage, some of the ladies, staff featured (1.5 mins)
  • Best friends, former Hooters girls Amy & Jennifer chat, audition. They both look super fine, but the format isn't doing any wonders in the titillation category (3 mins)
  • 1st "Casting Call Confessions" deals with weird, odd places to have sex as the girls talk clothed on a couch (1 min)
  • Annette's talk about her weirdest sex place (outdoor sheds working at Home Depot) leads straight into her audition, chat. She looks stunning, but too much time is wasted on stuff other than her naked (2 mins)
  • 2nd "Casting Call Confessions" is ladies choice for best time of day to have sex (30 secs)
  • Roseanna stands out from the pack by not being a traditional blonde in her own words and I have to agree, but again the good stuff is minimal (2 mins)
  • Priscilla a pretty redhead chats, has her photos taken (2 mins)
  • 3rd "Casting Call Confessions" is about biggest turn-ons (50 secs)
  • 31 year old Jennifer has her audition and comes off very well having kept her body in shape and she has the confidence to pose nude (2 mins)
  • 4th "Casting Call Confessions" is favorite moves in bed (50 secs)
  • Kristen a hot brunette does her thing - chat, photos - but the focus isn't where you want (3.5 mins)
  • Dominique another spicy lady has the right look to be in Playboy in my opinion (2 mins)
  • 5th "Casting Call Confessions" talks what makes a perfect man (45 secs)
  • Melissa had to beg her husband to do this and he's shown, talked to in the usual chat, photos setup (2.5 mins)
  • 6th "Casting Call Confessions" is the best part of the body to be touched (45 secs)
  • Ingrid from Columbia talks about what a honor it would be to make Playboy. I think she has what it takes, but I'm partial to Latinas (3 mins)


Arizona;
  • Straight into Amanda who is heard continuously over getting photos taken in a room with a simple backdrop (2.5 mins)
  • Celisse is the same deal. This dark haired beauty drops from her bra, panties as she talks (3 mins)
  • Jorie is an energetic brunette who strips from her red bra, panties as she talks about her future plans (3.5 mins)
  • Busty blonde Celeste drops from her black and gold bra, panties as she chats about herself (2.5 mins)
  • Amber in a green bra, white panties drops from them as she talks about getting into Playboy (2 mins)
  • Mariel is your busty brunette who reminded me of Erica Campbell. She gets out of her matching bra, panties as she chats (3.5 mins)
  • Angeline is a spunky blonde who gets out of her green bra, panties as she strikes her poses, talks (4.5 mins)
  • Devon gets out of her two piece white bikini as she talks, shows off her 'heart breaker' tattoo on her butt (4.5 mins)
  • Maria gets out of her purple lingerie as she chats (3.5 mins)
  • Tricia the sole Canadian gets out of her red/black bra, panties and chats (3 mins)


A lack of continuous nudity is enough to sink this title all by itself, but 'Casting Calls: New York & Arizona' is also saddled with a scattershot presentation. I don't subscribe to Playboy TV, but this is put together in such a way to think it's origins lay there. New York (first 28 mins) flows well aside from the wasted time, but Arizona feels dumped on you. In hindsight, 'Tryouts' nailed a better balance of hearing, seeing the ladies in short clips that could turn you on. I can't say the same thing here.

Law & Order: High & Low
(2000)
Episode 22, Season 10

It's a John le Carré Novel
'High & Low' is a tale as old as time and rather than get offended over the word "bimbo" viewers must see that all the suspects are equally damaged, guilty by the time the finale rolls around. We often forget that lust and greed go together so well that they've become a cliche. This L&O episode has some twists 'n turns before we arrive at this conclusion, but the point remains. It's also one of their tales where the victim didn't do themselves any favors, but this notion is very much buried under more tawdry elements by the end.

College student Leslie Cavanaugh is found murdered in her dorm and Det. Briscoe (Orbach) & Green (Martin) learn she was living a secret life especially from her parents. Her part-time job at an investment firm run by Jim Harris (Peter Van Wagner) was no more than an application for a summer internship. In truth she had begun exotic dancing on the side and recently gotten breast implants. It quickly becomes apparent two skinheads did it on orders from a stripclub manager (Stephen Spinella), but the big question remains why. A insider stock market trading scam and an ex-pornstar (Adrienne Shelly) put the remaining pieces of the puzzle into place.

Bob Dishy has a good guest role as a defense attorney, Lee Bryant as a betrayed wife who's disrespected for the last time with an icy look that says it all. Shelly does a skilled manipulator remarkably well just using body language. Harris sells gullible, pathetic easily, but I assume that was the point and the main cast have some fun, quips along the way as the torrid insanity plays out. Movie buffs might even catch Frank Senger (The Professional) as a stripclub bouncer.

'High & Low' is about human nature and our appetite for money & sex in equal measure. If you enjoy episodes of 'Law & Order' that aren't clear cut & feature a side line of detestable people this is a treat. This is a long journey of discovery and less about courtroom theatrics, but a brief stop there doubles down on themes it was going for all along. As others have suggested the ending does feel a little rushed, but a "fools" conclusion is still a satisfying one.

Law & Order: Fools for Love
(2000)
Episode 15, Season 10

Justice ... If Only On TV
'Fools For Love' is a "ripped from the headlines" tale of L&O with very obvious parallels to Paul Bernardo & Karla Homolka. Upfront the man is established to be a POS, but the juiciness truly comes from his female co-offender that in both reality and here as fiction the court sees itself making a "deal with the devil" to get their man. The one distinction and satisfying part as a viewer is this is able to see a level of justice that real life couldn't serve up. The bad news is that means anyone familiar with the case will see where this is going at all times to the point of it nearly being boring.

The bodies of two underage girls - Jane Kendrick, Annika Ohlman - are found dead and tests say they were drugged, raped. SVU detectives Benson (Hargitay) & Stabler (Meloni) lend a hand and point them in the direction of suspect Peter Williams (Sam Ball). The two girls identities are discovered thru Briscoe (Orbach) & Green (Martin) tracking down leads. When the parents of Jane show up it's learned she was in NYC with her older sister Laura (Ellen Pompeo). When police find her she's been severely beaten and spins a story that she was an unwilling accomplice to the crimes as evidence slowly comes out to suggest the opposite.

McCoy (Waterston) gets to pull some legal angles and get a good quip in (especially the last line here per usual), but the tale is saved in my eyes by it's ending that doesn't let someone skate. In the real Canadian case the female got a relative slap on the wrist for her involvement in order to nail the dude. Of course Pompeo turns in a good guest spot juggling the mental gymnastics at play and is very easy to dislike by the finale. Once again though it's this piece that saves it from being more of a fairly average episode.

Law & Order: Marathon
(1999)
Episode 6, Season 10

Just Another Day
The backbone of a tv show includes the predictable nature of liking the cast. It's a rare case, odd shocker when a beloved character strays from the straight & narrow. This episode of L&O 'Marathon' teases this and while a seasoned viewer knows it's not going to go south as hinted still allows development to a face you've come to know without sacrificing the main crux of the tale. Add some known faces guest spots, partner friction with Det. Green (Jesse L. Martin) new to this season and a bittersweet ending to make this a fine episode on the whole.

Eva Harrison is gunned down in broad daylight the victim of a failed purse snatching. The detectives run it down to criminal Sabo (Guillermo Diaz) but can't get any of the evidence to stick. Witnesses can't pick him out of a lineup and the first gun they find turns out to not be the murder weapon. Upon arresting him he also blurts out a confession, but only Briscoe (Orbach) hears it calling it into question. Lenny is clearly getting agitated and some of the things he says in pursuit bother Green. As the case against Sabo regains ground and Lenny is vindicated, he also recognizes a bad vice in his new partner.

I'm always a sucker for seeing actors I like especially before they broke out bigger and you get a few of those here. Michael Irby (The Unit, Law Abiding Citizen), Maximiliano Hernández (Warrior, Sicario) and Adam Rodriguez (CSI: Miami, Magic Mike). I also can't resist scenes, pieces of dialog that mirror reality and a scene where a grandma defends her two thug grandsons as "good boys" is both a chuckle & an eye roll wrapped into one. In a side plot Ed's gambling habit gets established, touched on here and it's a real piece of subtle beauty. 'Marathon' might not be the most shocking, flash episode of 'Law & Order' but all the essential pieces are here.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii
(1987)

Big Boobs, Big Snake
Sidaris flicks follow simple pattern, routine and when all else fails - let's be real - the naked ladies always on hand help. Though it has to be said earlier titles have a certain level of charm - 'Hard Ticket To Hawaii' included - that is missing from later entries. Call it a legitimate attempt to be decent 80's b-movies or cheese, but the feel & flavor is different. Otherwise it's still silly deaths for the bad guys, a simple one note plot ... oh and a huge snake that you have to see.

Donna (Dona Speir) & Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) work for "The Agency" (Molokai Cargo) in Hawaii transporting shipments by plane including a humorous snake going to a zoo. In the midst of their job they accidently intercept diamonds belonging to big time drug dealer Romero (Rodrigo Obregon) and the snake gets loose. After multiple attempts on their lives and those of their friends, fellow agents Rowdy Abilene (Ron Moss) - also Donna's bf - and Jade (Harold Diamond) join in to take down the baddies permanently.

Boobs within the first 90 secs, fondness for aircraft and an title sequence that couldn't be more 80's if it tried. A rocket launcher gets used to kill a thug on a skateboard holding a blow up doll (yes really). Another baddie gets it to the neck with a razor blade encrusted frisbee. Director Andy Sidaris himself has a role. 'Hard Ticket To Hawaii' isn't my fav in the "Bullets, Bombs, and Babes" series, but it has some zany moments in addition to the parade of boobs. There's no forgetting about that snake and the coup de grace at the end neither.

Any Given Sunday
(1999)

A Love Letter To Football
'Any Given Sunday' has been my favorite film to tackle the subject of pro football since it came out in the winter of 1999. From it's theatrical release to the director's cut it features a great cast, themes, good selection of music and hits on many subjects - fame, money, winning, ego, team spirit - that I can list off all day. That's not even getting into additional subplots further fleshed out in the movie or deleted scenes if you wanna go deeper. It's over 2.5 hours long but it never drags which might be the biggest piece of praise I can simply give it. A visual, audio feast for the eyes & ears with something to say on multiple levels.

Miami Sharks of the AFFA league are in a slump that everyone from longtime head coach Tony D'Amato (Al Pacino) to GM / Owner Christina Pagniacci (Cameron Diaz) can feel. It gets worse when star 39 year old quarterback Jack "Cap" Rooney (Dennis Quaid) is injured after a nasty hit. When the backup QB gets taken out too, 3rd string Willie Beamen - a virtual unknown - gets the call. He makes the most of his playing time and quickly becomes a star putting everyone at odds. Christie who only cares about money, success and the means to achieve them, old school D'Amato challenged by Willie's ways. As the team's stock rises so do clashes within on route to the playoffs where on any given Sunday people will rise or fall.

As I said off the top it doesn't end here. You have secondary plots about a top tier RB (running back) in Julian Washington (LL Cool J) who like the owner is all about success and dollar signs. Harvey (James Woods) the team's doctor unethical methods to keep the players on the field is routed in reality and the education Ollie (Matthew Modine) gets as the intern. Cap a QB in the twilight of his career feels threatened by the new sensation and rushes his way back from injury. Luther "Shark" Lavay (real life footballer Lawrence Taylor) the captain / heart of the defense getting up there in age (like Cap) battling past injuries, drug addiction. D'Amato taking stock of his stubborn ways plus some mistakes and all that he's sacrificed or given up for the game.

Honestly I could keep going about smaller but not insignificant plot points and the well known names that bring them to life. Jim Brown, Aaron Eckhart, Lauren Holly, Lela Rochon, Ann-Margaret, Bill Bellamy, John C. McGinley, James Karen, Andrew Bryniarski & Charlton Heston. Taylor, Brown get the biggest roles as faces from the game of football, but there's a lot of cameos too. The film as directed by Oliver Stone has a lot of heart and much like other projects from him displays a warrior's code. A war like battle anthem and football being used as a metaphor for life, struggles. Of course they even played it up as such in it's marketing with lines such as "Life is a Contact Sport". I'd be remiss if I didn't give a shootout to the wide variety of music they rounded up for the soundtrack and the skillful way it's put to use to convey emotions, hype, power, fun and all that goodness.

I remember hearing a few critics criticizing 'Any Given Sunday' for it's scenes of actual football, but I'm at a loss as to why. Everything looks good, makes sense. I was never confused about what was going on in the field or why. You get a heavy hitter in Al Pacino and one of my favorite later days roles from him and a sideline cast of who's who. Cameron Diaz gives for my money one of her best serious acting roles of her career. Of course 'Any Given Sunday' made a star of Jamie Foxx and you can see why here. Both him and LL Cool J not originally known as actors bring a lot to the table. Without rambling on, this film to me is the complete package. Always entertaining with something to say about the game that is football and human nature at large.

An Evening with Kevin Smith
(2002)

No Giant Spiders
I've always liked 'An Evening With Kevin Smith' since the day I saw it two centuries ago but perhaps more now than ever. After sitting thru the dismal 'Clerks 3' it was nice to go back in time before the man was running on fumes, still making beloved films. Easily one of the funniest things the first time thru, but still great today in it's entirety or in short bursts. At his height, Smith had an undeniable knack for telling down to earth stories and being hilarious doing so. No ego, no agenda. Like talking to a friend. Witty banter and good times.

Kevin Smith - filmmaker, director, writer, part-time actor - goes around the US visiting colleges, universities circa 2001, 2002. A simple Q&A in auditoriums, a lot of the topics are predictable. His films, growing up in New Jersey and the process that is making a movie, Hollywood, etc. Memorable spots include stuff close to his heart like the start of it all - Clerks and his role of Silent Bob - but also his friendship, history with Jason Mewes (Jay), meeting his wife and the birth of his first child. Of course if you've seen this you'll most remember his involvement with an abandoned Superman flick, him meeting music artist Prince, a gay fan pining for Mewes, protesting his own movie 'Dogma'.

Smith in his purest form visually - beard, glasses, few extra pounds, cargo shorts & a hoodie - talking to his fans is the simple delight known as 'An Evening With Kevin Smith'. It goes without saying that to get the most from this you should be familiar with his work, a fan on some level and be content with a talking heads format. Really it comes down to his stories, quips and there's quite a few bangers. I had so much fun I went on to his next title 'An Evening with Kevin Smith: Evening Harder' but it didn't capture the same energy. The man made a business out of talking about himself before it was in vogue - vlogs, podcasts - but this is the best of him right here.

Parole Violators
(1994)

Let's Get A Beer!
If you scan reviews you'll quickly see two camps. The first know it's a low budget flick, but welcome it's camp style, effort and laughs (mostly unintentional). The latter see it as a big waste of time. 'Parole Violators' works best if you belong to that group up for a pic that doubles as both trashy fun & a modest vanity project from the Donahue father (director) & son (star) team.

Ex-cop Miles Long (Sean Donahue) flexes his brand of vigilante justice by recording criminals in the act, busting them up and leaving 'em taped to a telephone pole with the words "Parole Violator" written in black marker on their chests. He also runs his own tv show under the exact same title. Then hardened criminal and child sex offender Chino (Rey Garcia) a man he once put behind bars gets out and quickly falls into old habits, revenge. Chino and his thug posse kidnap the young daughter of girlfriend Tracy (Pamela Bosley) and a cop herself.

The name of the game here is extreme physical pain. Numerous fist fights, Miles tumbling off rooftops, hills, outta windows, over trees, freefalls, vehicles hitting him. The fact of the matter is he gets put through the ringer start to finish. He dishes some out, but also gets the brakes beaten off of him. There is also the requisite gunplay near the finale. In between you get some cringe but funny dialog, scene where a certain someone certainly doesn't know how to make spaghetti and a simplistic synch score. I probably don't have to say it, but there's some poor acting here too.

'Parole Violators' has it's moments, but I wouldn't go as far to say it's "downright charming" to watch. There's a level of kitch like an IA cop obsessed with writing in his notebook. However the story, villains are kinda hokey and it's ultimately a starring vehicle for an accomplished stuntman done on the cheap. With a breezy 80 min runtime and some legit funny moments not all is lost, but you gotta know the deal here.

Blood Debts
(1985)

Best. Ending. Ever.
A slice of b-movie heaven that can either be enjoyed for the ridiculous cheese it is or avoided at all costs, 'Blood Debts' is a gem of Philippines cinema. Funny bits come quick and often. An 80's production that looks, feels dated because of it's origins. Wacky sound effects, ridicilous dialog fueled by crazy dubbing done after the fact. Plus a bare bones story that is equal parts 'Death Wish' & 'The Punisher' but on a low end. This is not a good movie, but heck if I didn't have a killer time.

"He's a natural killing machine, Bill!"

A young couple in the park are preyed upon by a gang of "hunters" carrying rifles and shot dead. The father of the girl Mark (Richard Harrison) arrives too late and is shot too, but survives. He tracks down each man relatively easily and takes them out, but it doesn't stop there. He kills more random criminals which draws the eye of Bill (Mike Monty) and his right hand man Peter (Jame Gaines) who try to control him. They get Mark to take out their criminal competition and he soon figures it out. Meaning there'll be one last ... Blood debt ... to settle.

"We've taken over the territory. Recruit more pimps. More pushers."

Mark's skill, success makes for talk about a "killers instinct" while the actual moments he takes out trash - muggers, rapists, drug dealers - are fun. If you aren't smiling, laughing or grinning due to the cheesy action, you will be once the bizarre dubbing, hokey dialog kicks back in. A few scenes highlight the worthless police and more than a few for the Bill & Peter show as things deteriorate in hilarious fashion. Every role here is one note summed up by Mark's wife who's credited as ... "Mark's wife". Plus there's another lady who's sole reason for existing is too good to mention lest I give away a killer bit.

"Well how come he knew that we ... we were after ... his ass!?"

B-movie man "Dick" Harrison gets to right wrongs & be a one man wrecking crew in the Philippines. Short on logic, intelligence, high on cheese, I had a great time with 'Blood Debts'. You get a few splashes of blood and one bit of gratuitous female nudity leading up to an ending and title card that has to be seen to be believed. It's somehow the best & worst thing I've ever had the pleasure to lock my eyes on (no joke).

Delta Force 3: The Killing Game
(1991)

Wrong Conclusion. Same Result.
If I may say so, 'Delta Force 3: The Killing Game' doesn't sink because Chuck Norris is gone. It's just a generic 90's actioner where nothing really stands out. You can tell it was important to build a respectable b-movie cast comprised of less famous sons and such, but the lack of memorable set pieces, too many cliches is the real killing blow. It's still a Cannon Film so there's cheese, but the part I remember most having not seen this since I was young ... gratuitous boobs within the first 30 secs and setting off a minefield.

In Moscow a suicide bomber hits a peace conference of foreign delegates and the mastermind is terrorist leader Kadal. He sends a tape to the American government making demands to pull out of the middle east or he'll detonate a nuclear bomb on US soil. Delta Force under the lead of Maj. Stewart (Nick Cassavetes) are sent in to get him, but along for the ride are Russian Spetsnaz lead by Cpt. Leskov (John Ryan). Tensions ride high between the men and there's some friction, but more importantly they have to stop the bomber in Miami now that they know his identity.

Mike Norris (son of Chuck) one of the Delta Force fires off guns and does martial arts once. Eric Douglas (son to Michael) is the demo expert who befriends his Russian equivalent Pietre (Mark Ivanir). Cassavetes here in a b-movie acting role before he went on to bigger success as a writer & director. The cold war trope about US vs Russia baked into the men who in predictable fashion grow to respect each other. 'Delta Force 3' is watchable, but doesn't offer rewards for sitting thru it's exercise in "been here, seen that".

Playboy: Playmates in Bed
(2002)

Missin' Where It Counts
'Playmates in Bed' is a first class production from Playboy with a bevy of lovely vintage Playmates, but the majority of it's scenes aren't very hot. Per the title the emphasis is on beds which is a staple for getting naked, posing or having sex. The video isn't without good moments, but it's also not the killer title I thought it was going to be. A lengthy intro, narrator, ladies talk scripted in between scenes. Story seems more important than the nudity.

The first scene "Movers and Shakers" is a good example of what's going wrong here. The playful Playmates (Michele Rogers, Jami Farrell, Nicole Narain) have their stuff moved into an apartment by a father & son duo. It's got a vibe right at home with Playboy down to the light and whimsical music, but first two minutes go into setting it up. I'm not a big fan of what I consider to be time wasted. You do get a nice shot of Michele getting naked starting with jean cutoffs coming off up close followed by Jami topless at this point. Then they go onto teasing, turning on the young son and each have a brief but nice solo strip, but so much wasted potential here (7.5 mins).

"Soft as a Feather" is your lite girl/girl with ladies (Christi Shake, Serria Tawan) in bed. They strip off tops, panties and both look great as they lightly caress, grab each other. Both launch into bed and their boobs bounce like crazy upon impact (especially Christi). The requisite solos are here and they get into a pillow fight briefly as the feathers fly. It's a good scene that could have been great (4 mins). "Breakfast in Bed" has a maid (Lindsey Vuolo) bring it to lady (Stephanie Heinrich). Luckily this includes dropping Stephanie's top and licking the jam that fell onto her boob. Now both go naked and a sponge bath goes down with some enjoyable closeups and the wet look is always a hot one in my book. The nude goodness is over when they switch places and Lindsey gets breakfast served in bed (6 mins).

"Sleeping in Style" has the narrator spells things out - circular bed, silk pyjamas. Three Playmates (Lindsey Vuolo, Lani Todd, Stephanie Heinrich) get down to nude quick as the bed rotates. There's some nice shots, but also many that miss the mark. Of course each lady gets shown off in closer detail solo as the best part before it's all over (4 mins). "Early to Bed" looks like it's gonna be a boy/girl, but it's a long setup (2 mins!) for a couple to strip for each other. The guy goes first and honestly why did I have to sit thru this (another 2 mins!!). The lady (Christi Shake) then has her turn, goes topless before back to the bed and the panties come off. A few closeups of Christi are great and she joins him in a chair where he doesn't get to feel her up, but she has her boobs right in his face. Back to the bed gets her on all fours thrashing around seductively for a moment and then she gives him the finger curl to come to bed and he rips off his underwear stripper-like (male ass shot, catch the sock guys wear over their junk in softcore pics bouncing for a sec) and joins her. Soooooo much wasted time (7.5 mins).

"Girls will be Girls" has Playmates (Heather Carolin, Christi Shake, Nicole Narain, Sierra Tawan) in two sets of bunk beds. It plays up the ladies lightly playing around - tracing flowers along their bodies, popcorn, silly string - plus shots of them sitting / laying together, insert shots on a swing or a few solo closeups. It's pleasant but the level of eye candy is low considered there's four ladies here and they're naked 99% of the time (3.5 mins). "Daydreaming" finds a couple waking up in the morning as the narrator cheesily goes on about how men always find the time to look at Playboy magazine. When his lady exits, he gets his chance to pull out an issue and before you know he's stuck in a dream with Playmates (Heather Carolin, Lani Todd) from the magazine as they get naked and mess around with him. I need to tell you it takes over two minutes to reach this part. Heather gets good coverage, but Lani steals the thunder in closeups that sees oil put over her boobs and you can't help but notice her completely shaved kitty. If this was real life you should be trying to shag your decent looking wife and not look at a nudie mag too (5.5 mins).

"Rooftop Rendezvous" is a boy/girl and once again takes 2 mins to reach the "good stuff". A romantic setup with lights, candles and of course a bed. His lady (Deanna Brooks) and him start kissing, have a drink and she gets down to a see thru bra. My patience was really tested when it took another 1.5 mins to get our first topless shot. Then see thru panties get shown and removed in closeup which was nice and some fine shots of them with her body in front getting exposure. Some more closeups follow - her pierced belly button, boobs - but a nice shot of her butt gets blocked by the dudes hands. She ends up mounting him cowgirl, but at this point the scene is basically dead. Dismal wrap up, but I guess also par for the course (8 mins).

I've watched enough of these videos to know what I do and don't like. Everyone checks out titles like these for female nudity and hopefully lots of it shot well. I don't mind simple stories or setup for scenes, but it's gotta be brief and to the point. Everything within 'Playmates in Bed' looks great, but there's no getting past all the wasted time and a level of arousal that never kicks it into high gear. Playboy missed the boat here though not for a lack of trying.

Law & Order: Shield
(1999)
Episode 17, Season 9

A Partner's Creed?
To talk about this L&O episode 'Shield' you have to see it which allows all the cards to be put on the table. TV shows, movies try to give us glimpses, understanding into the people that make up the big blue line, but it's hard to tell what's factual and what's drama cooked up for the cameras. Without being a cop yourself one must trust that the bonds extent so far that you're willing to commit murder for your partner. Due process, your wife and own kids be damned. It's not something I could buy into completely.

Det. Pelham is gunned down and first instinct is to look into the guy with warrants being surveilled. When he doesn't turn out to be their man, Briscoe (Orbach) & Curtis (Bratt) hear stuff about Pelham's girlfriend Marissa Hastings (Jenny Bacon) a cop herself. Possible turmoil, abuse in the relationship later turns out to be fact. Pelham was a piece of trash, but complaints, concerns were never taken seriously or mishandled. As the case against Hastings grows stronger, trial looks like a slam dunk, Carmichael (Harmon) notices an inconsistency that makes them take another look at her partner Officer Felton (Holt McCallany).

You see it all the time - cops backing cops - towing the company line when faced with being in the wrong. That element and the fact that no one wants to step in and do anything about it as it's a guy with a badge rings true too. It also hits upon the very real discrimination women face in law enforcement, the military. Of course because the episode is about a dead cop in the line of duty there comes a serious commitment from the main cast. However by the time you get to the finale and her partner confesses to the crime, questions in your head start swirling around like "wasn't there a better way?" or "couldn't he have kicked up a stink rather than kill him?".

'Shield' has a plot with some semi interesting themes, but it also seems ruled by emotions rather than logic and common sense. As I said off the top I'm not a cop so maybe this is how some would handle this situation. Maybe a scenario like this occurred in real life. However by the time Felton takes the rap to save his female partner, I felt things come awfully close to being pretty contrived. I know it's a strong bond, but he gave up an awful lot for her.

Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 1996
(1995)

Smack Dab in the Middle
The last two video calendars I've watched - 1997, 1998 - were opposite polar ends in terms of quality. '98' was great and '97' barely average. I didn't plan to see, review them in this order but the '1996' edition somehow lands right in the middle. Many known Playmates here, yes, but more importantly hot scenes with good camera work and no lack of continuous nudity. Thankfully the visuals are on point and I won't have to sound like a broken record again. It's gonna take me some time to erase '1997' from my head.

"Miss January" is Kelly Gallagher - Sept 1994 - and I don't usually mention the initial pic they show of the women, but the one chosen for Kelly looks really old fashioned or touched up way too much. In any case, her first scene is a leisurely strip at a country cottage. She comes off very much "girl next door" and gets down to naked from her summer dress(es) quickly. Whenever in a chair or on a swing the scene has a habit of showing off her vintage bush. For the 2nd segment, she's done up more heavily with makeup as she gets naked in a bed that still delivers lovely views of her. Lotion comes out and gets applied to her boobs in closeup (4.5 mins). "Miss February" is Cindy Brown - May 1995 - looking very cute playing basketball indoors. Once again a likable "girls next door" vibe. There's a nice tease involving her butt and pulling up her jersey top to see it. Then in what seems like a running theme her hair, makeup is done much more glamorously as gemstones are shown off in between shots of her naked from the start that capture all the right places (4 mins).

"Miss March" is Maria Checa - Aug 1994 - a Columbian hottie who's shown in footage that continuously jumps around. In the mix is a nice shot of her holding a cigar, naked on a couch and thankfully the nudity comes regularly and sometimes with closeups. Second time she gets out of her bra, panties and ends up either posing standing or laying naked on a bed and there's some juicy closeups again. I first saw Maria in other Playboy vids and I wasn't a big fan, but she's grown on me and the material here is pretty hot in places (4 mins). "Miss April" is Stacy Sanchez - PMotY 1996 - who's always been a standout to me begins by stripping in the countryside. Lots of nice shots naked but also some clothed in a few tops, shorts briefly. This footage comes from her Mar 1995 Playmate profile for anyone that cares before she made PMotY and she looks, acts more down to earth versus in later material. Next doesn't waste any time getting down to no clothes and plenty of gracious closeups of her bod particularly her butt. A high energy number with a suitable music track and plenty of quick cuts (4 mins).

"Miss May" is Lisa Marie Scott - Feb 1995 - and as a real life ballerina the first scene taken from her profile uses this theme. The good news is it focuses more on her naked - yummy yummy - than the dancing by far. Then it's a staple of Playboy vids - the moody bedroom strip - which again gives lovely views of Lisa's beautiful body. Many tracking shots of her different poses in bed are great (4.5 mins). "Miss June" is Traci Adell - Jul 1994 - hot busty brunette Playmate that I didn't know about until now. A quick check yields she didn't do many PB vids as why. The bad news about the first scene is a lot of her clothed, blowing up balloons, etc on a set takes up most of the time. An art themed piece thankfully makes up for this. She gets naked quickly and is shown this way until the end in a bunch of simple but satisfying poses that show off her figure and mighty bustline (4 mins).

"Miss July" is Rhonda Adams - Jun 1995 - and there's no getting around the odd choice of having a "surprise party" for a scene, but no one is there but her. Is she supposed to be looking thru her gifts after everyone has left? Lol in any case naked or in lingerie Rhonda looks good and the nudity is consistent. Next she's in warehouse and quickly naked. Dripping water is a nice touch and you get plenty of closeups of her body once it starts. Then it's a bunch of quick but hot shots in succession to end things (4 mins). "Miss August" is Danelle Folta - Apr 1995 - who strips in an abandoned mansion as part of a ghost theme. Dry ice, objects floating in middle air or moving on their own - that sort of stuff. There's good shots of her naked, but they don't happen enough. Then it's a lite Sci-fi theme and she's basically naked right from the start. It's a bit of a step up, but also not super hot (4 mins). "Miss September" is Elisa Bridges - Dec 1994 - who takes us back to the country theme as she's shown at a farm. There's some nice shots of her dressed - liked the denim vest, jean shorts - but of course I liked her lovely face, figure even more sans clothes. In a fantasy segment in a barn the nudity comes quicker and there's many nice sights of Elisa in closeup (4.5 mins).

"Miss October" is Melissa Holliday - Jan 1995 - and this busty blonde starts off being a magician's assistant. There's some nude shots sprinkled throughout, but also many that aren't. As a throwback to classical films, she strips at a bar and this delivers better as a whole. Many nice views of her naked on a couch though the lasting feeling I had was she didn't get shown off the best (4.5 mins). "Miss November" is Victoria Zdrok - Oct 1994 - and wow a younger Victoria with an all natural body. She begins by stripping in a library that has a bunch of hot shots, nice angles. Then it's an strip on a bed harking back to French Victorian times with appropriate tunes as it switches over to her posing standing or on a staircase. As someone who knew her more for later in her career - fake boobs, Penthouse Pet and now hardcore action I hear - this was a delightful find (4.5 mins). "Miss December" is Julie Cialini - PMotY 1995 - who starts off simply getting out of a bikini on a set. Standing or in a chair there's some nice views and she gets silly for the camera briefly. The follow-up in a bedroom is a step up visually in the sense she looks good in her blue/black lingerie, but it takes way too long - 2 mins - before she's shown naked and then it's over a minute later (5 mins).

'1996' is a solid calendar that has a bunch of familiar, likable Playmates and a few pleasant surprises as well. While there's a few lackluster moments or ladies that don't get shown off the best, there was also names I wasn't familiar with that delivered great segments that got my blood boiling. I'll give this another watch - for scientific purposes of course - before I catalog it away in my Playboy memory archives. It's not at the height of '1998', but it certainly isn't joining '1997' amongst the bottom.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: Conscience
(2004)
Episode 6, Season 6

One Big Difference
This sixth season episode 'Conscience' is a good one to highlight from 'SVU'. First the story of an abducted child grabs your attention and the prime suspect being another youth is unique. It's easy to peg this as an "evil kid" tale, but that's selling it short. You get a very fine guest star in Kyle MacLachlan, some chilling, shocking moments and a great wrap-up. Lastly this takes a well worn SVU trope of innocent people, those with criminal records being given a hard time when they're suspects and kicks it into high gear. Multiple people, no apologies or consequences.

At a children's birthday bash, five year old Henry Morton goes missing. Benson (Hargitay) & Stabler (Meloni) get a lead from 13 year old Jake O'Hara (Jordan Garrett) who saw a man lurking outside their house that leads to sex offender Turner (PJ Brown). Then Henry's body is found which his father Brent (MacLachlan) has to identify. Key pieces of physical evidence shockingly tie Jake directly to the crime. Convinced it was a tragic accident Brent - a psychiatrist - pleads leniency for the young boy and then everyone discovers too late he's a sociopath and did it on purpose.

What happens at the 30 minute mark of the episode is when things really kick into high gear and boy oh boy is this moment a doozy. If this wasn't enough a civilian justice group looking more like a lynch mob is here lead by Wolinsky (Bruce Kirkpatrick) who do more harm than good. Plus Meloni gets to deliver a sharp piece of dialog to reoccurring cast mate Judith Light (Bureau Chief Donnelly) when she makes a decision he doesn't like very much. MacLachlan gets a good piece in the finale too, but it's definitely up for discussion if 'Conscience' is a bit of viewer manipulation. Albeit fun and satisfying.

Law & Order: True North
(1998)
Episode 9, Season 9

Tangled Web We Weave
Reading the episode summary for 'True North' leaves no ambiguity about where this case is heading. Even if you jump in cold the writing is on the wall within the first 15 minutes. On the surface is the usual suspects - greed, money, status, drugs, sex - but just beneath is a tale old as time where both sexes worry about being used. Men for their money, women for sex. Combine this topical issue with multiple murders and one of those delightful L&O moments where the accused gets torn a new one on the stand to make a very fun outing here.

Wealthy businessman Ronald Harker and his young daughter are found shot dead in their house as first signs point to the wife Stephanie (Bellamy Young). As Briscoe (Orbach) & Curtis (Bratt) try to track her down they learn of her close friend Doris Nichols. While theories are being calculated including a possible affair involving Doris with her being the shooter, they're suddenly called to another crime scene still in the same night. Doris lays dead on the ground and the wife says she attacked her and it was self defense. It's when pieces are reexamined, Stephanie's history retraced that the story falls apart.

I'm gonna dance around talking about the story in finer details because I don't wanna give spoilers or ruin the developments to be had here. What I can say is the tale has a lot of little pieces that when added up make for a solid watch. I will however share the title gets it's name because the accused is a Canadian citizen and one of the side plots involve the death penalty, cooperation between nations for extradition, sharing of evidence. Some of it allows for nice quips, but it also gets taken a bit farther than it needed to go and isn't the best part to be found here.

The real winners here with 'True North' are the main cast. Both Orbach, Bratt have a lot of little pieces - people, facts, motives - to track down and when it gets to court, McCoy (Waterston), Schiff (Hill) & Carmicheal (Harmon) get good pieces of dialog. The latter in particular - new to the show this season - gets shown off nicely and even has a mild clash with the detectives, Lt. Van Buren (Merkerson). Kudos also have to be given to guest star Young at the heart of this tale and her fantastic thunderstorm of emotions in the finale.

Law & Order: Angel
(1995)
Episode 8, Season 6

Mother of the Year
'Angel' is a rare episode (maybe the only one I remember) that actually name drops the real life event it's based on - the Susan Smith case. Forget "ripped from the headlines" here. The good news is there's some fine performances by Bratt, Waterston and guest stars Elizabeth Connors & Fisher Stevens. The bad news is it's ultimately one of those episodes you can see where it's going earlier on and it isn't as sordid, sad or maddening as the true crime depravity it takes its cue from.

Leah Coleman (Connors) goes to church, attends confessional and then comes out to find her baby missing. Briscoe (Orbach) & Curtis (Bratt) go about tracking possible suspects but it doesn't go anywhere. In a race against time, Rey gets Leah to retrace her morning steps with him. They bond, talk and he gains her trust. Then she volunteers suffocating her baby and putting it in the building furnace to the shock of everyone. For trial she's given inexperienced public defender Fineman (Stevens) who's looks, actions are deceiving as he has a few tricks up his sleeve to play against McCoy (Waterston).

As someone who isn't very religious it's heavy reliance at the heart of the tale didn't do much for me. I was happy that never once did it seriously want viewers to eat up the silly excuses being presented meant to downplay the mother's guilt in her own child's death though. Curtis, McCoy have moments to shine and both guest stars are solid. However half the episode is a rather silly defense strategy. I enjoyed 'Angel' largely though and a funny moment at the end meant to lighten the mood didn't go unappreciated.

Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 1997
(1996)

Lackluster Year
The '1999' calendar wasn't my fav, but I gave it a respectable grade and even thought I was being too generous. I tell you this because '1997' proves '1999' wasn't nearly as average as I initially felt. This edition ... not sure where things went wrong. I knew less of the ladies by name, but that doesn't mean much in itself. Then thought it had something to do with the time period and a tame standard of nudity. Perhaps it's partly that and maybe they chose the wrong scenes from a lot of these ladies Playmate profiles to highlight them.

"January" is Victoria Fuller - Jan 1996 - starts by showing her in the desert. It gets down to naked quick and there's some fine shots of her body in close, but also a bunch far away and a little too artsy for it's own good. I give them credit for oiling her up for a brief moment that shows off her butt. Then indoors shoots between her walking back and forth or sitting down, but nudity comes between shots of her clothed (4.5 mins). "February" is likable Shauna Sand - May 1996 - who gets out of clothes inside. Like Vic, there's not enough of her naked continuously. For her second scene, she strips from a see thru white dress, bra & panties. There's nice panning shots over her body as it comes to an end (4.5 mins). "March" is Donna Perry - Nov 1994 - shown in a red see thru bodysuit that doesn't stay on long in a circus-like segment. She tosses rings to a seal and plays with it. Again the nudity doesn't come in big waves like you'd prefer. Enjoyable panning shots of her body are spliced together with clothed yet again. Now laying on a bed gives a few nice views before clothed and a boy/girl starts going in the right direction and then it's over (5 mins).

"April" is Spanish Samantha Torres - Dec 1995 - and in a common theme for PB gets shown off outside a roadside diner. She strips from clothes and either is shown posing there or a few shots poolside. The good news is she looks great and the nudity is steady. A dark bedroom with candles is the standard setup for her 2nd outing but nudity, lighting is a real issue (4 mins). "May" is black beauty Karin Taylor - Jun 1996 - in a segment I already seen reused in other PB vids. I wasn't fond of the many underwater shots naked twisting around, but there's a really hot look at her laid out poolside. Then it's time for a night bedroom strip for a guy which has a few nice looks, but doesn't build a good momentum (4 mins). "June" is Holly Witt - Nov 1995 - rock climbing with lovely views once she reaches the top, strips, poses. Though it has to be said once again it's intercut with her clothed. The next scene - getting spied on while getting undressed - is largely a waste (4.5 mins).

"July" is Kona Carmack - Feb 1996 - who gets out of a bikini at the beach in the midst of other shots. Her second scene has very little nudity as she strips in a train station (4 mins). "August" is Heidi Mark - Jul 1995 - backstage in a bunch of shots that don't deliver any goodness. Finally she gets out of her top, jeans that shows some skin then it's back to more useless with quick glimpses of her naked. A second scene on a bed gives more nudity in a lot less time than the first, but it's not super great either (4 mins). "September" is Alicia Rickter - Oct 1995 - in a no fuss, no muss scene of her naked constantly standing or rolling around a floor. Then it's an art piece that goes from her painting to naked posing or on a bed that is underwhelming (4.5 mins).

"October" is Rachel Jean Marteen - Aug 1995 - outdoors in a bunch of clothes before settling down to dancing around energetically nude. Second trip in an old fashioned summer dress, hat getting naked at a cottage. Shots in yellow lingerie are intercut with her naked in a field (4 mins). "November" is Gillian Bonner - Apr 1996 - in a bunch of clothes, but not much nudity. Then inside shown off in a better light naked on a bed, but it's quick (4 mins). "December" is Stacy Sanches - PMotY 1996 - who gets the most time of any lady here, but that doesn't mean it's put to good use. These scenes ('Feel the Rhythm', 'Dreaming on a Rainy Day' respectively are both taken from her PMotY vid too). The dance number has really nice shots of her butt, bewbs, entire body but they're always intercut with dance. The second clip takes it's sweet ass time getting going too, but has wonderful wet views of Stacy's body and also good shots later in bed. I have always liked Stacy, her look and this wasn't the worst the video had to offer, but it's worth pointing out for the last time (7 mins).

Part of me wants to give these beautiful ladies a fair shake and go watch their unedited, maybe longer Playmate profiles. Which I might get around to doing in the near future, but that doesn't change here and now that '1997' was the poorest Playboy video calendar I've sat thru so far. People tune into these kind of titles for a pretty obvious reason and the level of female nudity on display here at times doesn't cut it. Maybe in 1996 it would have, but times have changed.

Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 1998
(1997)

Don't Pass This One Up
As the 90's came to a close, Playboy was still at the top of their game and many ladies would still emerge to become notable Playmates. We all have our favs, desirable faces and in that regard '1998 Playmate Calendar' had a lot on the surface to like. However as anyone who's familiar with these compilations know it really comes down to the mix of edited footage and the visual goodness they offer up. No year is ever complete trash and some of it comes down to taste, preferences, but this was one of the best calendars I've seen so far.

"January" is buxom blonde Jami Ferrell - Jan 1997 - who's always a pleasant sight to see. I can't hide an appreciation for natural busty ladies as opposed to the enhanced variety (not that there's anything wrong with that). In a basketball themed open, she plays a little and then ditches her uniform. Conveniently getting to lay out on a bed put in the middle of the indoor court. Then in a dark room she sits, lays on a couch getting out of her dress, bra and panties. The minimal lighting, setting really maximize the views / compliments her with pinpoint focus (4 mins). "February" is Jennifer Miriam - Mar 1997 - who gets to play up her Texan roots by being in variety of clothes, but take note of a cowboy hat, boots she wears when otherwise completely nude. Then it's your typical bed romp as she rolls around, pulls off a dress (4.5 mins).

"March" is Priscilla Taylor - Mar 1996 - a good looking blonde naked right away. Lotion, a shower, pool of water or posing up a wall round out the views. She's next up topless from the start in panties, stockings which then come off. Briefly highlighted in a red dress and some decent closeups close things out (4.5 mins). "April" is Jennifer Allan - Sept 1996 - and indoors slips out of her silver dress. The issue is artistic choices - blue lighting - ruins the visuals as she strips. They should have used her getting naked outdoors or the fancy scene of eating pasties from her profile instead. Inside a kitchen things get better with many nice quick shots of her body or lingering closeups and some genuine smiles from a gorgeous Jennifer. When she pours honey all over her body ... yum yum (4 mins).

"May" is Kimber West - Feb 1997 - and the opening of moving into a new house is a winner. I'm just gonna come right out and say it - she has a great ass - and the cutoff jean shorts she wears (before they come off) were obviously chosen for a reason. That's not even touching on her pretty face, killer light skinned bod or those fantastic boobs. A second scene in a dark room with lit candles isn't bad, but isn't on the same level. If you like what you see here check out her entire unedited profile (4 mins). "June" is Nadine Chanz - Oct 1996 - a blonde German stunner in a black dress, yellow bra & panties before ditching them on a set made to look like a redlight district. Rolling around on a bed at night getting out lingerie provides more looks at her body (4.5 mins).

"July" is Carrie Stevens - Jun 1997 - and I think one of the most underrated naturally busty Playmates. She's naked fishing albeit for a summer hat. Her big breasts maybe the first place you look naturally as more shots follow of her in a rowboat or leaning up against a tree. Second time out she's doing her makeup and then getting out from her fancy dress on a couch (4.5 mins). "August" is Lynn Thomas - May 1997 - and is notable for being one of the earliest dual Playmate and Penthouse Pets (Oct 2000). This naturally busty Asian lady develops some photos and then gets naked herself as pics get taken on a set. She strikes some unique poses that both show off her flexible body and good balance. Then in a oriental house she poses in & out of white lingerie and hits a bed. This part of her profile was reused in 'Asian Erotica' (4.5 mins).

"September" is Kelly Monaco - Apr 1997 - and has always been quite the brunette looker. First she works on a vintage car in a garage and the overalls go first showing off her nice boobs, tight body. Then on goes a skintight black dress that hugs all curves and especially her butt. That comes off and much the same thing happens in a red dress with a bunch of quick pleasant cuts that show her off nicely. Now in a heavenly segment she gets shown off completely nude except for the angel wings she wears as she poses on a bed that is rotating. A walk towards the camera and then back again shows off the three B's - boobs, butt, bush - nicely (4 mins). "October" is Ulrika Ericsson - Nov 1996 - another scorcher of a foreign lady (Sweden specifically). To the shock of no one this tanned blonde has a killer smile, body. In a white top, jean shorts she rides a bike, gets naked in public to start. Then it's a vintage looking scene as she slips out from lingerie (4.5 mins).

"November" is fan fav Angel Boris - Jul 1996 - appearing here as a blonde. Briefly in a park, in a building topless or riding a bike clothed, but the bulk of goodness comes as she gets naked on a rooftop. There's a killer shot panning up her butt that is pure joy. In a warehouse she is shown climbing a circular staircase, in B&W bra & panties, rubbing herself in lingerie or posing near a sports car (4 mins). "December" is Victoria Silvstedt - PMotY 1997 - a Swedish model that for a brief moment took the world by storm. The two scenes here can also be found on her PMotY vid (which I haven't seen yet) which isn't great in itself. Outdoors she's in & out of a few pieces of clothing. There's a few bits of goodness, but continuous nudity is not one of them. The follow-up scene is slightly better as Victoria models on set. Time gets wasted on staff, getting her makeup done. However it provides her naked on the regular and in better doses than before (5.5 mins).

When you watch a Playboy video calendar like '1998' - or any softcore title for that matter - you can feel when things are going right. You can pick up on your sense of enjoyment. It's an intangible quality, but I felt it while giving this a go. Some of the credit comes down to tastes, but the rest goes to the selection of models within and the quality camera work. There was some standout shots, moments which is always a factor in which you judge these titles. Highly recommended.

Playboy Video Playmate Calendar 1999
(1998)

Peaks & Valleys
There comes a time when you're at a lost for words on how to describe similar videos without repeating yourself. '1999 Playmate Calendar' is a decent effort from Playboy but as always is YMMV on your affinity for the models, scene choices. I find most years very up and down in the visuals category with very few knockout parts, but that doesn't mean these abridged compilations aren't worth a view or don't have their individual moments.

"Miss January" is Heather Kozar - PMotY 1999 - who starts by playing with balloons and looking fantastic in and out of summer clothes on a street. Her puppies especially. Then it switches over to your typical bedroom solo with abstracts of a story (her crying missing someone) as she gets out of her yellow bra, panties. Then she has a quick shower (wet look is always hot) and poses on a staircase (4 mins). "Miss February" is Kalin Olson - Aug 1997 - partially or completely nude lays in a field. Eating strawberries and thinking about her bf leads to a boy/girl that has the requisite dude feeling her up mixed with some solo stripping, posing (4.5 mins). "Miss March" is Holly Joan Hart - Apr 1998 - and begins by having this black beauty in a sexy school uniform in a classroom where she quickly gets naked. For her second segment, she climbs out of a box on a dark set. There's some nice shots, but this scene's concept wasn't my favorite (4.5 mins).

"Miss April" is blonde Julia Schultz - Feb 1998 - first outdoors in and out of athletic wear or a dress with no panties. Then it's her posing in a chair in a sweater, skirt with lingerie underneath. It's one of those scenes that doesn't deliver much nudity, hotness (4 mins). "Miss May" is Maria Luisa Gil - Jun 1998 - and I love her exotic look. From clothes to a bikini, the nudity comes sparely though. Now she eats a grape, drinks some wine on an outdoors looking set and gets naked standing or in a chair (4 mins). "Miss June" is Marliece Andrada - Mar 1998 - in a dress with no panties which provides more flashes, but the real heat of the scene is some nude full body shots. Then it's another strip in bed (a fav scene type of PB) as she pines for her man (4 mins).

"Miss July" is Daphne Duplaix - Jul 1997 - who starts off playing basketball in an apartment loft which has some nice shots of her body sans clothes. Then she moves to a bed and more views follow. I liked Daphne's appearances in other videos, but I was let down by this portion of her Playmate profile (4 mins). "Miss August" is Donna D'Errico - Sept 1995 - a blonde stunner I've always enjoyed seeing. First scene sees her getting pleasantly naked at a gas station sporting a down to earth "girls next door" look. The same thing can't be said for her second segment as she's done up more glamorous in the desert dropping from lingerie. Her body is nicely oiled up / wet at one point as she poses laying in a carved out slab of concrete (4 mins). "Miss September" is Layla Roberts - Oct 1997 - naked standing or on a couch rubbing her body. This is followed by a medieval setting as Layla handles a sword then rubs oil on her body on route to going topless and fully nude (4.5 mins).

"Miss October" is blonde Deanna Brooks - May 1998 - who poses in a bunch of clothes giving nice shots as she hits a couch. The second time out she's cutting off her skimpy clothes with a pair of scissors and there's nice shots of her entire body (5 mins). "Miss November" is Inga Drozdova - Nov 1997 - a blonde Russian who starts off in a field of flowers getting out of her dress. Then in a house scene it jumps from her naked in the halls, bathtub to a lite boy/girl as she straddles a guy's lap nude in a chair (4.5 mins). "Miss December" is Karen McDougal - PMotY 1998 - and both of these scenes come from her PMotY video. It's still good - naked in a street, naked in a chair to hands grabbing at her through a rubber wall - but I had already seen it all before (5 mins).

As I look over what I wrote, I realize in hindsight '1999 Playmate Calendar' wasn't my favorite year. Some popular, favorite Playmates appear (D'Errico, McDougal & Kozar) but their scenes are not all peaches 'n cream. The other less familiar ladies material is very hit 'n miss too. Still it's hard to be tough on a title such as this. Worth a shot for PB fans or those who appreciate beautiful ladies getting naked.

Penthouse Pet of the Year Play-Off 1994
(1994)

Do Your Thing, Babe!
1994's 'PotY Playoff' delivers a bunch of simple but well shot females getting naked (which is why we're here in the first place). In the mid 90's Penthouse started hitting it's stride and their videos show this off until the company fell apart and their titles went down the toilet after 2003. The winning ingredient here is the cast of ladies who will be a treat to anyone who's fans of the vintage models.

After a bare bones montage intro, "Seana" Ryan - Pet Sept 1992 - is up first in black leather S&M and the location changes a few times inside a house. Her entire segment is directed by notable adult photography Suze Randall. Next up she looks great in a sparkling red dress on a couch. I preferred this classic look, shots to the scene that came before it and there's some nice but naughty closeups here. Now she gets shown off in a white gown as images are literally projected off of her. It's an idea, scene I'm glad didn't run any longer (12.5 mins total).

"Sharon" Fitzpatrick - Pet Apr 1993 - comes straight to us nude except for her sunglasses, elbow length black latex gloves, knee high skintight leggings. Her toned, all natural body gets the good treatment from the camera and there's some nice facial shots thrown into the mix a few closeups but no spreads of her kitty. Then it's another scene of her completely naked again in a traincar which you might be familiar if you saw the '30:60' complilation. Her body is oiled up (always a nice touch) and there's some visually pleasing closeups and far away shots that show off her entire body at once. They go outside the actual train for some more shots at the back of the caboose that aptly highlight her lovely buns. Now Sharon is in highly colorful clothes - pink jacket, see thru top, blue skirt, yellow gloves - that she slowly gets out of with the highlight being her pink see-thru panties being pulled thru her kitty at one point. Then it's a switch over to her in a white wig, silver jacket, sports t-shirt and no panties and then on to her dressed up very fashion like but very much naked with only long gloves and a big fluffy hat on. To close things out she's shown off riding a bicycle and stripping from her clothes on and off of it. Lots of variety sums up her appearance here which isn't a bad thing (12 mins total).

"Gina" Lamarca is up next - PotY 1995 - naked except for long black boots, arms wraps as water is poured down on her offscreen. Some yummy closeups highlight her toned hot body and unique pubic hair style. Now Gina lounges on a couch in see-thru bra, panties as she exposes her kitty, feels herself up gently. Her butt gets shown off from a different position before lastly her boobs. It's a very slow but steady scene. A relaxed vibe that still has the visuals you want. On a staircase in a silver top, skirt but no panties and a silly looking mask that thankfully doesn't stay on very long. She strikes a bunch of energetic poses, but weirdly her bewbs never come out to play. Finally to close things out she gets out from a variety of colorful clothing. If you like Gina you'll appreciate what's on offer here for sure (13 mins total).

The blonde "Natalie" Smith - Pet Mar 1993 - in knee high red latex boots, bra, thong panties strips, poses up against a wall at search lights bounce off her and such. The panties go first and then the bra. A much simpler, down to earth scene follows next as Natalie in all white slowly removes her clothes on a bed. My favorite was mouth watering looks at her partially shaved kitty from behind here. In at artsy scene, she gets out of her clothes quickly while sometimes looking at herself in a mirror. Next she's outside on a house patio on a sunny day dropping from her one piece bikini. Things kick up a notch when she's getting wet from a shower head offscreen. Finally another fashion scene (not my favorite) wraps things up here with lacking visuals (12.5 mins total).

Three of the four women had their scenes shot by early Penthouse contributor and future adult film director Andrew Blake (AKA Paul Nevitt). That explains some of the clothing, camera shots, choices etc. Thankfully other that one or two moments things never get too slow or focus on the wrong things for an extended period of time. This is a worthwhile video that fans of PH should check out. I like all the Pets involved although '1994 Playoffs' doesn't feature any explicitness that would become a signature later. I had already been a fan of Seana, Gina & Natalie and this allowed me to see more of Sharon.

Nemesis 2: Nebula
(1995)

Here Goes Nothing
Take the rock bottom expectations you have for an Albert Pyun flick and apply it to 'Nemesis 2: Nebula'. A slow credit sequence pads time, shots from the first film are shown to give you the impression this might be fun, but it actually works the opposite. Cheap walls of text, voiceover move the almost non existant storyline ahead at least initially. After the novelty of watching a female bodybuilder wears out, you're stuck with visuals in the middle of nowhere and lame action.

The Cyborgs won the war versus the humans, took over the world and enslaved them. The only hope now lays with a baby injected with a new DNA variation in 2074. The mother is able to escape via a stolen craft that can travel thru time and end up in the year 1980 during civil unrest in East Africa. The baby grows up into a fierce muscular warrior Alex (Sue Price) a standout amongst her Kutu tribe. Then a futuristic bounty hunter "Nebula" touches down to confirm her DNA identity before termination.

At first, I thought this was legit shot in Africa with the desert scenery, native tongue being used (subtitles here). Turns out it's actually Arizona they're stomping, but no matter. There's a bunch of one note human enemies and of course that robot shows up looking like the Predator as so many have already said. The pyro guy gets to flex his muscles in the finale, but even this turns out rather boring because the whole tale is so unengaging.

Limping to an 80 minute finish, 'Nemesis 2' is so far removed from the enjoyable action sci-fi original it's a crime. Working with no money might have been director Pyun's bread 'n butter, but this is a real embarrassment. Word is Nemesis 2 thru 4 was supposed to be one big film. I don't know if I 100% buy that, but everyone says the series gets worse from here and I'm bound to believe them.

Bloodsport III
(1996)

One Timer
Fans of martial art flicks will find pieces to like in 'Bloodsport 3', but the formula is starting to wear thin. The fights are alright, but saving grace is it's cast (many returning faces). By now you know the drill - training montages, revenge, spirituality - and while this entry doesn't have a satisfying finale, it's still got a level of b-movie charm. Once again the tale is told in flashback.

Alex Cardo (Daniel Bernhardt) won the Kumite in Bangkok and then retired from fighting to be a successful gambler in India. After beating off some ninjas at the local casino and retrieving a stolen package for the owners, he meets mob boss Duvalier (John Rhy-Davies) who's gonna host a Kumite and wants him involved. When Alex declines, he lashes out at people close to him, tries to have him killed or at the very least denied entrance to the tournament. He's put all his money on his fighter 'The Beast' and doesn't want him to upset his plans to win.

James Hong returns in a minor way as Sun again. Ditto Pat Morita as Leung and even Judge Macado (Hee-il Cho). They're not specific about how much time has passed, but Cardo has a young son (no word on the mother) now which he tells the tale. Honestly the story is piecemeal at best and illogical at worst. Obviously low budget and very simple. Few scraps along the way to the finale and there's hints of romance, but nothing ever comes of two ladies.

'Bloodsport 3' stands on it's own in the sense that you don't have to see the flicks that came before it, but being familiar with '2' adds heart. Bernhardt is still up to task, returning cameos help and while Davies doesn't get the opportunity to chew the scenery like the way he did in 'Cyborg Cop' just having him was nice. I can't discount though that I became bored at times and the Kumite, end villain was rather underwhelming.

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