Otkon

It's nothing more than a small town slasher with a contrived "holiday" theme to compete with the spate of similar movies flooding the theaters as of late.

It could easily have been an episode of any horror anthology on television. But at least it is filmed by a competent cinematographer with actual cameras. And it is acted quite competently by a cast seemingly comprised of mostly bit players from any of the 12 trillion episodes within the Law & Order franchise.

The kills are decent. The sound design is good. The lanky cop is adorable if not overzealous.

My problem is with the plot as it tries to mimic and outdo Scream to an absurdly pathetic level. And so many of the dozen or so supposed twists just don't set right. Especially the ultimate reveal.

Oh and glittery stencils are ruined forever.

This movie is right down the middle meh.

And oddly for being 2001, it is very open and honest about its relationships. So for being a bit dated with its music and aesthetic, it is also ahead of its time with the themes that are all de rigueur now but also very open and honest for its time. And despite its small budget, there are quite a few big stars for an independent gay film - Doris Roberts, Christian Ricci, Sasha Alexander, Adam Goldberg, Andrea Martin, Lisa Kudrow.

Yes, it can be a bit corny. But the two leads are very endearing in their total oppositeness. Of course, Rich Ruccolo is the most adorable mess as Tom, the super butch alcoholic Special Ed teacher with commitment issues. And there's the Seth Green wannabe. I guess he is important as the writer and other lead or something. Talk about writing your fantasies.

There are a lot of touching, funny and dramatic moments as the two struggle to get themselves together. Much cuteness, and some sadness, ensues.

Watch it though. It's really good.

But oh boy does it get ridiculous by the end. Especially all the goofy mime stuff. And the fact that that one character's parts were fed to that stupid murder weed when clearly....wait, what?! And the newspapers...what was the point of the newspapers?!?! And Manicure Lady was excessively Vanderpumping her silliness with a creepy Klimt? Then murder weed's A-frame turned white. Ok. Sure

That is the level of cohesiveness one can expect from a movie outline clearly conceived on the devil's lettuce and a script clearly written while passing the dutchie on the left-hand side. And what exactly is the message - other than weed can do anything including prematurely aging your forearms and while giving you the power to get people to act like moronic marionettes 400 feet away? Or was it that pot leads to witchcraft and fingernail fungus?

Who knows. Dumb movie.

And that is the guy who "played" the old creepy dude. He just was entirely not a good actor in any way. It seemed like he was hired as a favor to some financial backer's retired grandfather to get him out of the house so grandma and her book club could meet in peace.

It also doesn't help that every line written for him is just so smarmy and corny. Nothing he says sounds earned or true to character. There is also something entirely off about every non-expression he attempts. The old lady wasn't all that good either. It seems like they wanted a Lin Shaye-type but at least the second choice actress seemed seasoned and attempted actual acting. Her dialogue was just as cringe though.

And why on Earth is there both a Richard and a Ricky? Just rename out of them. It didn't help that the two non-old couples intentionally looked similar as well. I did like the cop couple. Most notably the red-headed one.

Needless to say, I also hate how it ended. The "franchise" hopefully ends here.

And if Gaspar Noe doesn't care what people think about his movies, then people should take him up on that and not care about him and his works in kind.

That being said - this movie is dismissible. Noe mistakes annoying for provocative. He mistakes repetitive for poignant. And shrieking while thrashing about is not shocking or discomforting to the audience - not when the cast is as unrelatable and as unpleasant as they are.

Most of the dancing epitomizes the worst of the Vogue period of 1990's terpsichorean culture. So I had no interest, sympathy or investment in the events that befell them - one way or another. In fact, I let the movie play off to the side like the ignorable noise it is. Because that is Noe's failing as a producer of artificial, representative media, he demands that you be actively exposed to his commotion to valid him and it. That is a childish game I have no time or self-respect to engage with.

Watch this if you want to see a cuddly-wuddly Teddy Bear like Ty Olsson wear suits (and even a tuxedo) for a good part of the movie. Ignore Haylie Duff and the sister-in-law with the thing on her chin and the clumsy aunt and the gardener guy and the dumb detectives and the painted wall and the off-brand operating system on the laptops and the teaching subplot and the drape-less house in the wrong neighborhood and the wedding photo shoot on the lake in the dead of autumn and the cheap vase and Mrs. Thick and nearly every else about this movie. Focus on the adorableness that is the male lead as he is the only interesting part of this snorefest.

The poor, adorable and emotionally stunted electrician guy, played by the incredibly charming and sweet Canadian actor Ty Olsson, is shafted as a teen by his girlfriend's abjectly horrible mother AND we are supposed to feel sorry for anyone but our handsome male lead?!?!

They drove him to incarcerated insanity with their deceptions. And I am sure that lying lady's books were no good either. I mean, the turnout at the library for her reading was sparse and unenthusiastic. Plus she said she didn't like her mother on every level...so, in a sense, Curt did her a huge favor.

Oh, and Shelley's husband was basically a useless tool. And that stove and backsplash needed an update. So again, Curt was just helping out in his own fashion.

Anyway, this plot is a complete mess. And Curt needs to be freed while the screenwriter goes to prison for crimes against narrative cohesion.

The plot is very amateurish. But that never really matters. Nor does the really cheesy set that is supposed to be the innards of a pirate ship. Then the movie just becomes a matter of the ancient crew and the modern preservationist lady spending hours kickboxing or something. There is really nothing to describe as really nothing happens.

There are some dumb scenes that are supposed to show rituals or backstory about how the ship and crew survived so long and were slightly educated regarding modern times. Yet nothing goes anywhere. Because everything is confined to the cheap set. With no plot! And zero tension.

Hot ex-boyfriend who invited preservationist lady to investigate the ship hides like a scaredy-cat for most of the movie. Then he doesn't. And that pans out as well as expected.

After that, the movie ends stupidly. In the presence of orange slices. Arrr, there be no entertainment here, mateys.

This movie can't decided what it is about. And it throws every kitchen sink into the toilet and flushes the toilet and the kitchen sinks all swirl in the bowl and get jammed and the plumber that comes to fix this cinematic mess of a backed-up sewer movie isn't very good with plumbing or film-making.

The main conceit is that a dad and son go camping in the worst possible place and run into the worst possible people with the worst beliefs, side hustles and folklore imaginable.

The other open premise of the movie is that there is a backwoods cult of lowlifes worshiping a demon that hangs people for their sins. And the rest of the plot points involving said demon make no sense in a fairly tone-deaf manner what with racial makeup of the two leads.

Sometimes the movie is dead serious about itself. Other times it is trying to play for laughs. It unsuccessfully tries to be supernatural horror, an overwrought social drama and a father/son buddy comedy.

But it is mostly annoying. And nothing about it is cohesive or interesting.

Like watching a car crash involving people you despise.

The main character is what would happen if Stephen Stills and Joe Walsh merged into one person who regressed into a childlike state when presented with plush toys.

And for being utter garbage of an amateurish movie of totally worthless detritus, it is a very plot-heavy affair. We learn that when it comes to orphans, they will only accept organic stuffed animals. Who knew.

Okay. So for all the horrible acting, and ketchup for blood, and Bill Bailey dressed as a preacher but playing a lawyer, the little shovel , and the red hot chef love subplot, this movie has a message. And that message is: anyone can get their friends and their cellphones together and shot each other doing silly, unstable things in order to get an IMDb credit.

And the song runs over the entirety of the credits. I think there was a movie that played before the song. There were people on screen doing and saying things. A lot of the same things over and over again. Often in a goofy manner. Then there was some kind of narrative reveal/resolution. And then a denouement stolen directly from Manos: the Hands of Fate.

But don't worry, the song starts immediately after. And the song is really want you want. I sure hope the song gains traction as the song is thoroughly entertaining. I am not certain if the song streams anywhere or is available on a video distributing website from the artist.

So four stars for the "soundtrack".

I enjoy how it builds with a certain mystique about what the threat is. I also liked the family dynamic; it didn't seem forced and set up with archetypes. And that is really surprising for me to say about a Nicolas Cage movie. I immediately sided with the Stranger Things kid and didn't like the other one. The creature design initially was interesting and how Stranger Kid trapped one was neat.

But then dumb things started happening. The girl, her pointless parents, their compound of stock mercenaries, the crack in the ground. These seemingly fragile and annoying flappy-headed monsters being able to dig through bedrock. And the stupid katamari rolling nonsense - at which I thoroughly laughed out loud the first time. Then groaned when it happened again - but on fire.

Oh and Nicolas Cage is conveniently knocked out for two-fifths of the movie. Then they literally nuke the fridge. That was the plan? Stealing from Tremors, Crystal Skull and Tomorrow Never Dies?

And why was this clearly set in the European countryside. But everyone had North American accents.

So much potential. Such a good start. Squandered.

I suppose it is meant to be slow and building. But it could have done that by excising about 30 minutes of redundancy.

The last twenty minutes or so was a lot of cliched red herring/twist bits as well. That got a bit tiresome.

Also, it is the kind of black and white that is shot very flatly. No respect for shadowing and contrast. So in that the cinematography fails to wow with a lot of in-camera storytelling.

The acting is decent. The cast is tiny. There is pyramid cage with some sort of mustelid with its geometric form. Parcheesi is played with high stakes.

I just wish it was short and better shot.

Some time, effort and production went into this. The acting, writing, direction and effects are all fairly competent. It gets the atmosphere correct for what it is attempting to do.

The idea is simple. A streaming "exorcist" invokes an actual demon and a battle of lousy, phony influencers vs decent evil representation ensues.

The gore is very good. Lots of fleshy, burny stuff for a movie about hellish shenanigans. The main twist is pretty decent but, as I see it, that initial action was entirely justified. I do like the denouement a lot. When all the seemingly innocuous viewer vignettes coalesce.

I could watch this again.

It's watchable despite essentially being what can only be described as a two-hander episode of a scifi anthology show never seen outside of a place like Canada in the 90s but that somehow influenced Black Mirror in a cursory way.

The premise is slightly believable if you really don't think about it. But the male leads are fun to watch in their bumbling but also oddly tech-savvy criminal ways.

The opening song is really good. It is called "Here to Stay" by a musical entity named Knives at Sea. Not sure it fits over the expository montage that starts the film. A lot of the movie does that. Incongruous pieces jammed together in a clunky narrative.

Still wasn't the worst thing I have ever seen. Oh, and there is corn. If you fear corn, be warned.

And my main issue is that this particular New Zealand city and its residents seem to have zero security cameras. That alone would render a lot of their shenanigans null and void. Plus, he did chuck that beer bottle that he drank from at Laura's friend. His DNA would have been on it.

Also a lot of it is played for chuckles. Especially his dreadful mum stuff. And all the misfortune that befalls him. It's entertaining if you turn your brain off.

Don't think too much about how just as incompetent the police are by also only have CCTV in their interrogation rooms as opposed to every square millimeter of their station.

Also, "Melissa" and Joe's motivations seem all over the place. Does Joe like cats or not? Why does he kill? If he has no issue with the type of person his father was, why kill him and not hate that segment of the population? And she lied about everything so you can't really trust anything about her.

That's my review.

Oh, there are flies.

But I have questions.

The first revolves around the main conceit of the narrative. Why are the aliens worried about humans outpacing them regarding technology over the next 400 years?

The San-Ti are supposedly a race that has mastered faster-than-life travel for their multi-dimensional omniscient proton-sized supercomputers that can unfold to cover the entirely of the atmosphere and surface of Earth with blanket omniscient surveillance.

I think the plot is giving humans way more credit for their industrial advancements than what is actually capable even by current exponential projections on improvements in science over the time frame needed here.

I am just not buying that we are a threat to an alien population that has conquered hard and fast rules of physics. Unless the San-Ti are exceptionally dumb and can be killed by the common cold or something as simple as water. I mean that would just be outright goofy sci-fi of them to invade if that were the case.

Also, who was the awful casting person in charge of giving Alex Sharp a role in this show? He is downright terrible. There is nothing about his character that I liked seeing, hearing, experiencing in any way.

I think it is a good show with lots of good ideas. I just have issues with its overall internal logic and premise (and that one actor). I would hate to think B&B are making things up as they go along. That didn't work so well in that dragony, gamey, throney project they ruined not too long ago.

I will keep watching this show to see if things are eventually explained. Also, please don't resurrect Dowling with the same actor, San-Ti. You don't deserve Earth if you do.

...then crammed a student film plot into the underside of it.

Right from the beginning, the mother was a main issue for me. If I had a book of cliched, overbearing maternal figure types, it would show this women. So she was immediately pegged with an eye-rolling "oh, how arch." Next.

The "neighbor" brat. Yep. Stock character number two enters the picture. Yes, yes, yes, I get who she was supposed to represent. The film is nowhere near the mysterious Lynchian masterpiece it thinks it is. But this child actor was just agonizing to watch and listen to. So it wasn't even satisfying when the scene that rectified this character turned into another cliche. I physically yawn and hit the fast forward on the video at this point.

Once a film hits the "is anything real or not?" without earning it, I am gone. It just becomes weird for the sake of weird. And that is why this comes across as a superficial student film.

It would have played better as a silent film and it really needs to apologize to Adam Jones.

From the start, this movie is off. I don't like a single character. None of their motivations seems true. I don't buy Jessica as a children's book author and illustrator. I can't stand the two girls and their overacting. The creepy neighbor boy. Why is there even a Dad? And why is he British when that actor was in a failed TV FOX show with a passable American accent? And Mrs Bradford next-door was stupid.

The rest of the movie is corny. The artist lady is in sun dresses and flats throughout the runtime. Outfits that are not at all conducive to fighting supernatural baddies. But I mean the entire movie is predictable from start to finish.

Yeah, it's pretty much garbage.

It's definitely better than the original and that's saying much. Wait, is "saying much" a thing? Well, if it is, that is what I am saying.

For a sequel it plays up the humor and less of the homage of the first one. And speaking of that, those films are listed in reverse order here with The Third Saturday in October Part V (2022) being the original and The Third Saturday in October (2022) being the sequel.

But I think for continuity and thematic purposes, The Third Saturday in October (2022) is the first movie. And The Third Saturday in the October Part V (2022) is the only extant sequel. The Third Saturday in October Part II, The Third Saturday in October Part III and The Third Saturday in October Part IV are all explained as being lost. So perhaps, when those recreations are found and released they can be ranked in comparison to the two films in the series that are viewable in regard to their intentionally questionable qualities.

I did find the bed foot guy the best part of this movie. That was fun.

So straight Joe Fryer, a sad Sheri Moon Zombie wannabe, discount Tituss Burgess, Jennifer Hud-clone, Astronaut Alan Hale Jr, someone who might actually have Chris Elliot and others make a silly horror movie set during a semi-fictional (but equally silly) college rivalry game.

Surprisingly it captures the 70s grindy-housy exploitation feel quite competently.

It's intentionally campy with groovy, jive-talking characters. There is a green shag carpet at one point.

Well, if you like Dr. Pepper knock-offs with a side of free kittens, you'll get what I am trying to say here by saying what I am saying.

It is beautifully shot for sure. Definitely shades of Andrew Haigh throughout. And it takes its time with the wispy scenes of pensive men contemplating the before and after of their romantic meetings. So in that regard it is a bit like a Douglas Sirk movie.

Oh, also loads of muddy, hairy, beefy bodies grappling like a Greek legion for field dominance. There are club neckties for sure. I liked those parts. Mom was a hoot too.

But the ancillary characters can be quite simple and their plot purpose easily discernible very early in the narrative. That's the villain. That's the comic relief. That's the gay best friend. Well, maybe not that last one. Considering.

I didn't hate it despite the ending making me very mad. What I do like about it is the juxtaposition of the masculinity of sport with the fragility of the man emotions of the two leads.

So yeah.

I tried so hard to watch this over the years. I tried in the old living room. I tried in the new computer room. I tried on the laptop. I tried on desktop. I tried in the summer. Outside. Twice.

I finally sat down today and said to myself in a serious voice, "you have had this movie for how many years now? Just get through."

But it's just not doable. First of all, it looks like phony. The opening rain clearly is fake over another shot of the station that also looks fake. In fact, the whole movie looks like it is computer-generated sets like Sin City, only fuzzy in a bad retro kinda way.

I just can't get past it no matter how many attempts.

So I fast forwarded through it. People started to look similar then it ended. Maybe it was some political statement about 1960's Mexico or something.

My experience with it is negative.

If that particular thing is your thing, you will rate it higher.

If it is not, you will be underwhelmed as it caters to the tropes and conventions of Japanese comic books.

I found the villain outright ridiculous in a laughably bad way. Too many of the other characters are irritating too - just slightly less so. Like the whiny kid in the letterman jacket and the other two who seemed to find plenty of hair product while playing Japanese Undead Survivor.

Oh, and I wasn't impressed by the CGI either.

Even the action seemed mostly dull.

Also things are left unexplained. Like why the big guy was sometimes chained up in the village of the resistance.

I did like the heavy metal score though. And forklift lady.

It took me several years to finally clear this off my playlist. It was that little of a priority to watch. Finishing it just proved so.

This is like if Edward Scissorhands met Thackery Binx from Hocus Pocus and John Hughes delivered their TerrorVision-palette baby under the bleachers at Westerberg High .

First of all, the lead actress is intentionally channeling Canadian horror scream queen Katharine Isabelle from moment one. And I down with that. Then when she dresses like every tween girl from my junior high in her black lace Madonna garb. And I was right back in the basement cafeteria of my own middle school. For sure.

But that might be the problem with the movie. It is entirely homage and pastiche. Which I get.

Unfortunately, it has like 5 backstories that it calls a narrative but mostly abandons. And the film stands mostly as a series of ideas that are cool on their own. I guess I will take that because the pieces were evocative from a personally historical viewpoint.

I just kinda wish the overall movie gelled with all the nifty bits.

Tanning beds forever. Totally.