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So, let's talk about this movie! It had all the ingredients to be a good sci-film, but boy, did it take a detour into the quirky and weird lane. The writer must have been on a cosmic joyride because this film felt like a hallucination. It's like they copy-pasted ET and then added a bunch of elders instead of kids. Buckle up for the cosmic rollercoaster!

Our story starts off bland, with an alien who's about as exciting as staring at a wall. Seriously, he just sits there, watching TV and munching on apples. Not your typical action-packed intergalactic adventure, that's for sure.

Then we meet Milton, our elder hero, who's blissfully living his life until his daughter turns into the ultimate health nag. She's helpful but oh-so-pushy and annoying. The movie tries to be funny, but it's like searching for treasure in a sea of boredom.

Now, let's get to the good stuff. One fateful night, a spaceship crashes in Milton's backyard, and out stumbles our frail alien friend in desperate need of a hand-or a few. Milton invites him in, more worried about his flowers than the fact that there's an alien in his house! Talk about misplaced priorities. He spills the beans to his friend Sandy, who decides they should keep the alien around to tell him boring stories about their life and the show him photos of her lesbian daughter-she names the alien Jules by the way-so they keep the alien a secret. And, surprise, surprise, another elder lady, joins the club. Three elders with no one that cares for them, just helping a boring alien that does nothing...

But here's where things take a nosedive. Jules needs seven dead cats to fix his spaceship. Yep, you read that right, seven dead cats! Why, you ask? Don't bother trying to make sense of it because the writers sure didn't. Milton, Sandy, and Joyce go on a feline treasure hunt in their neighborhood, and, lo and behold, they find six dead cats in no time, and they decide that one of the elders cat should die for the cause too. I mean, what kind of neighborhood is this, where you stumble upon dead cats like it's a normal thing and spaceships just land on backyards and no neighbors sees anything?

All in all, 'Jules' left me longing for a great sci-fi movie that never was. This movie's like a snail race on tranquilizers, too slow and too strange for my taste. If you're in the mood for a boring movie, you go on and watch this lazy alien...don't expect much, I regret watching it.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever is more than just a movie; it's a heartfelt tribute to the late Chadwick Boseman and a testament to unity within the black and brown communities.

From the very start, the film grabs your attention and doesn't let go. The way it beautifully weaves together the rich history of Wakanda with the introduction of the Mexican Native people adds a layer of cultural diversity that enriches the storytelling.

Chadwick Boseman's memory is kept alive with grace and dignity throughout the film. His presence is felt in every scene, and it's a touching reminder of the incredible talent and legacy he left behind.

The film's commitment to celebrating black and brown communities is evident in its narrative and character development. It emphasizes the importance of unity and strength when faced with adversity, and it resonates deeply.

The action sequences are nothing short of spectacular, and the visual effects are a feast for the eyes. The film effortlessly combines breathtaking action with moments of genuine emotion and reflection.

This is a beautiful movie continuation of the Wakandan story, and it pays homage to the character of T'Challa in a way that is both respectful and moving.

In a world where representation in cinema matters, this film stands as a shining example of how storytelling can bring people together and celebrate diversity.

In summary, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever is not just a movie; it's a heartfelt tribute, a celebration of unity, and a brilliant addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It's a must-see film that leaves a lasting impact and a sense of hope for the future of cinema and society as a whole.

The movie takes us on a heartfelt journey through Spielberg's formative years, but is it a touching family tale or an exercise in self-indulgence?

This biographical drama unfolds slowly, with scenes that lack the punch to keep you fully engaged. Despite commendable performances by the child actors, the script and dialogue often come across as uninspiring.

Many viewers may find themselves questioning the film's purpose early on, wondering if it's worth investing more time. While the cinematography shines, the overall execution can be described as underwhelming.

Spielberg dedicates a substantial portion of the film to his personal history, recounting the challenges he faced during his upbringing and career. While it's natural for individuals to explore their past, especially someone as accomplished as Spielberg, the film occasionally feels like a therapy session replayed for the audience.

Rather than offering profound insights or valuable lessons, the movie sometimes appears to be Spielberg's own catharsis, leaving limited room for viewers to connect with the story.

In essence, the movie may appeal to diehard Spielberg fans or those interested in his personal life, it is like an inside look into his mother's weird behavior and lack of love for her family than about him, it was more about the unfaithfulness and craziness of her than him, it was more about his family belief system than him. It may not be the ideal source of inspiration for those seeking practical takeaways from his life and achievements.

This narrative, centered on an upper-middle-class family with no significant challenges, may not captivate audiences seeking a more compelling story.

The film occasionally appears to portray Spielberg as akin to the main character, possibly to enhance his public image. However, the poorly written dialogue and occasional overacting can make it a frustrating viewing experience.

In summary, the movie might not satisfy viewers in search of an engaging narrative. It's a slow-burning exploration of Spielberg's past, but mostly about his mother, which may leave some audience members wishing for more substance and resonance.

Imagine a place where haute cuisine collides with the surreal - a culinary temple run by the enigmatic chef Julian Slowik.

Tyler, the food fanatic, and Margot, his utterly unimpressed plus-one, embark on a gastronomic adventure like no other. Will their taste buds tango with genius or grumble in rebellion?

As Julian, the maestro of madness in the kitchen, unveils his magnum opus, the question lingers - are these uber-rich epicureans ready for a taste of creativity served with a side of chaos?

But alas, what seemed like a flavorful feast of storytelling turned out to be a half-baked, bland narrative.

The movie aims to be a satire but ends up feeling as misplaced as a pizza in a fine-dining restaurant.

It pits "posh dining" against "commoner food," like a food fight you'd expect at a children's birthday party!

But here's the dish of wisdom - our culinary opinions often boil down to a lack of exposure.

If you're quick to dismiss "posh food," you might be missing out on an epicurean adventure of a lifetime. If you champion "commoner food," just wait until you discover the lavish side of life! If you are into grotesque and vulgar, this is the movie for you.

In parting, let's drop a biased gem: France and Japan, the culinary wonders of the world! At least according to this movie.

So, while this film might not win any Michelin stars for storytelling, it's a reminder that sometimes, even in the world of cinema, taste is subjective.

As for those who expected a gourmet experience, it turns out the only thing appetizing was the cheeseburger - and we're not sure if that was a joke or a testament to the power of comfort food!

Bon appétit, moviegoers!

The director seems to have a bone to pick with poor folks. He's like, "Hey, look, poor people are just freeloaders living off the sweat of the rich!" It's as if he believes the rich are the hardworking, upstanding citizens while the poor are just leeches.

But wait, it gets better! The movie practically screams, "Rich people are awesome, and they totally earned all their wealth." Yeah, right! Most of us know it's often about nepotism and inheriting stuff, not blood, sweat, and tears. The director might as well be the president of the Ayn Rand fan club, shouting, "Greed is good!"

As for the movie itself, forget about comedy or horror-it's just plain bonkers and uncomfortable to watch. Imagine sitting down to watch if you're barely living and making it? If you are a maid? Is this what your boss thinks of you as a maid? It's like the poor cannot be trusted. That's a recipe for some serious awkwardness!

And don't even get me started on Cannes. It's like a gathering of eccentric "artists" who think they're creating something groundbreaking. But honestly, most of the recent award-winning movies, like this one, are just plain junk. So, if you're looking for a good laugh or a spine-tingling scare, "Parasite" might not be your cup of tea. It's more like a cup of confusing, uncomfortable, and downright weird.

Oh, dear readers, where do I even begin with this cinematic masterpiece, or rather, this master disaster? "Inside" is a film so mind-numbingly dreadful that I suspect the screenwriter might have been raised by a family of malfunctioning typewriters.

Imagine this: a high-end art thief finds himself trapped in a luxury, high-tech penthouse. Sounds intriguing, right? Well, let me tell you, it's about as intriguing as watching a sloth do yoga - on top of a Picasso painting.

Our protagonist is stuck in a single penthouse that boasts so much avant-garde art that even Salvador Dalí would've raised an eyebrow. I mean, seriously, who in their right mind would want to own artwork that appears to be the result of a blindfolded elephant flinging paint at a canvas?

Now, the film's profound message seems to be: "Avoid rich people at all costs, because their lives are more chaotic than a chicken at a disco." Apparently, the wealthy will defend their penthouses with such determination that they make Fort Knox look like a lemonade stand operated by a toddler. And don't even get me started on the fact that alarms and sprinklers are apparently just props - the neighbors remain serenely oblivious.

Our not-so-bright thief spends his time rearranging furniture with the grace of a bull in a china shop and almost manages to barbecue the entire building. I mean, really, how difficult is it to fill a bathtub when the water comes on at one point? And as for trying to get someone's attention by hitting a door with a larger object - well, let's just say it's a stroke of genius that never crossed our protagonist's mind.

The movie takes an unexpected detour into the world of grossness with a generous helping of poop, grotesque bloody scenes, and a fish massacre that would make the fish in "Finding Nemo" wish they'd never been found.

In conclusion, this movie is a cinematic catastrophe of epic proportions. Hollywood should issue an apology for unleashing this travesty upon us, and perhaps hold a seminar on how nepotism and untalented folks manage to rise to the top. As for the genuinely talented, creative artists, they're probably in hiding somewhere, constructing elaborate art heists to steal back the time they wasted watching this film. Do yourself a colossal favor and avoid it like the plague - your sanity will throw a party in your honor.

Hold your glasses, because we're diving into the nuclear world of "Fat Man and Little Boy," where science and parties collide in ways that make even Einstein's hair stand on end. Move over, "Oppenheimer," there's a historically accurate sheriff in town, and he's bringing Paul Newman and his mustache with him.

First things first, let's talk about story focus. While "Oppenheimer" seems to be obsessed with communism like a dog chasing a cat, "Fat Man and Little Boy" says, "Hold my enriched uranium" and zooms right into the Manhattan Project. I mean, who needs red scares when you've got nuclear bombs on the menu?

Speaking of menus, let's not forget the stellar cast. Paul Newman might not have had the same gravitational pull as the real General Groves, but he sure does have that magnetic charm. And can we take a moment to appreciate the cinematic accuracy of hair color? None of that hair color flip-flopping like a politician here - if they're brunettes, make them brunettes, darn it!

Now, Oppenheimer himself - they've got him pretty much spot-on in this movie. From hosting those legendary parties that make your average frat bash look like a tea party, to crafting those perfect martinis that could make even James Bond say, "Shaken AND stirred, please." They even give the scientists at Los Alamos a well-deserved reputation for being wild partiers - forget lab coats, these guys are sporting party hats! Because in reality, they were!

And let's talk Kitty - she's got her own maid and an impressive collection of plants, which is accurate because she is a botanist and a drunk at the same time, her maid can do all the work, "Oppenheimer" movie, take note! And don't even get me started on the "Demon core" incident - let's just say, they nailed the dramatic tension of dancing with potential doom like it's a radioactive tango.

But the real kicker? The bomb scene. Move over, "Oppenheimer", because "Fat Man and Little Boy" dropped a bombshell of realism. Tchaikovsky's surprise serenade during the test? Classic touch! And that bomb? Grand, awe-inspiring and the accuracy of this movie is just so on point!

And hey, remember that scene in "Oppenheimer" where everyone cheers in silence? Guess who did it first Christopher Nolan! It's like Hollywood's playing a game of Telephone, and this movie's got the original line.

So, if you're craving a historically accurate atomic party with a splash of mustached charisma, "Fat Man and Little Boy" is your ticket. No need for scandalous nudity or sacred text shaming - just science, a great written script, an awesome director, martinis, and a bomb that makes you say, "Now that's how you light up the screen!"

Hold onto your blue alien tails, because we're diving into the aquatic sequel that's making a splash - or at least trying to. "Avatar: The Way of Water" might have had the hype, but let's just say the water's a bit lukewarm on this one.

Now, don't get me wrong, the first Avatar was like a majestic unicorn in a sea of donkeys - unforgettable and full of magic. But this second round? Well, it's like trying to make a sequel to a unicorn - you end up with a horse, and that's just...eh.

I mean, did they really need to break the piggy bank and drag us back to the theaters for this? It's like ordering dessert after a five-course meal - sure, it's sweet, but do we really have room for it? Not to mention, the "Way of Water" felt more like the "Way of Napping" - talk about a snooze fest.

I had my popcorn ready, my 3D glasses on, and my expectations set to sky-high - but instead, I got a movie that felt like it was treading water. Maybe it's like when you tell a really good joke, and then try to repeat it - it's just not as funny the second time around.

And let's talk about those new characters - the water people. They're like the cool kids at school who just transferred in and tried to fit in, but instead ended up like those awkward penguins at a flamingo party. The acting was solid, don't get me wrong, but it's like trying to make new best friends when you already have a squad that's golden.

But hey, they managed to keep most of the original cast - and that's a high five, right? The Native American vibe, though? That's like putting pineapple on a pizza - it's just not meant to go together. We get it, Cameron, you're all about environmentalism and peace, but sometimes it's like he's trying to beat us over the head with a tree branch.

And oh, the whole communication thing? It's like they had a Star Trek slumber party and borrowed their alien language - come on, did we really need more pointy-eared inspiration?

So, on a scale of one to blue-skinned bliss, I'd give "Avatar: The Way of Water" a solid 5. It's like that second slice of pizza - it's there, it's okay, but you're not jumping up and down about it. Maybe it's time to let the first Avatar rest in its magical forest and not force a sequel. Just a thought, James Cameron - sometimes one epic ride is enough for the theme park.

Hold onto your sombreros, amigos, because we're diving headfirst into the Maria Félix universe, and let me tell you, it's a wild ride that's definitely not a novela - despite what our confused reviewer friend over there might think. This series is like a box of churros - wonderfully sweet and totally binge-worthy!

First off, Ximena takes the lead here, and let's just say she's got more talent than a lucha libre wrestler has muscles. She's not quite María Félix-level stunning, but come on, who is? Still, she's like the spicy salsa to our taco - just the right kick! And can we talk about the cast? They're so on point, you'd think they're in a synchronized dance-off against time itself.

Oh, the outfits! They're historically accurate, which is like getting a history lesson without the boring bits. Watching old Mexico come alive on screen is like finding a hidden tres leches cake in the back of your fridge - unexpected and oh-so-satisfying. The scenes are like a travel brochure for a time machine vacation, and trust me, you'll want to book a ticket.

Now, let's address the elephant in the room - the whole brotherly love thing. Yeah, it's about as clear as trying to read a menu after one too many margaritas. But hey, in the land of telenovelas and strange family dynamics, who are we to judge? It's like a telenovela inception - a series about a telenovela-worthy relationship.

But wait, there's more! The costumes and sets are so spot-on, you'd think they borrowed them from a museum. And those film clips? They're like those nostalgic family videos your abuela forces you to watch, but in this case, they're actually entertaining.

Now, rumor has it that a movie is in the works with Eiza González - who's fantastic, but let's be real, she's not exactly a María Félix doppelganger. If we had a say, we'd go for Ximena any day. But hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves - time will tell, just like waiting for the tamales to steam.

Now, let's have a little chat about ratings. Us Latinos might be more interested in munching on tacos than giving out ratings, but come on, people! It's time to put down the guacamole and show some love to these shows that are making our community shine. Let's turn the spotlight onto our movies and series, and watch them grow like a chia pet on steroids.

So amigos, I highly recommend grabbing your popcorn (or should I say palomitas) and settling in for this fabulous series. The acting is so good, you'll be applauding from your couch. And the scenery? Well, it's so stunning, you might just start googling flights to old Mexico. This series is like a spicy salsa - it'll leave you craving for more, and trust me, it's way better than going to a novela support group. Go on, treat yourself - La Doña would approve!

Hold onto your cowboy hats, folks, because this series is like a wild ride at a rodeo - a phenomenon that's leaving no bull unridden! Even though Vicente Fernandez's family might be giving it the stink eye, let me tell you, it's a gem that's shining brighter than a rhinestone-studded suit.

Get ready to dive into the juicy extramarital escapades of Vicente - yep, they're spilling the beans on his romantic shenanigans, and let's just say, this guy had more love affairs than a telenovela on fast-forward. And remember that lady who kept insisting he's the father of her nonexistent kid? It's like Vicente's doing his own version of "Maury" with a Mexican twist. Cue the dramatic paternity tests!

Now, let's talk about Pablo Montero - the dude I once saw stumbling around Caesar's Palace in Vegas with a supermodel. Yeah, that guy. Turns out, he's not only good at partying, but he's got some serious acting chops. He's singing like he's Vicente's long-lost twin, hitting those high notes like he's trying to serenade the stars themselves. Move over, Chente - there's a new crooner in town!

Speaking of Chente, there's another show about him, but it's like the "family-approved" version. You know, the one where they swapped out the dramatic affairs for a friendly ghost or two. But this series? Oh, it's got drama for days, and I'm loving every minute of it!

The entire cast? They're more on point than a cactus in the desert. And those scenes? Talk about fantastic - it's like they borrowed a time machine to take us back to the heyday of Chente.

But let's not forget the real star of the show: the wardrobe! Those flashy outfits are glitzier than a disco ball at Studio 54, and I'm here for every bedazzled moment.

Now, let's have a little chat about ratings. Us Latinos might be more interested in munching on tacos than giving out ratings, but come on, people! It's time to put down the guacamole and show some love to these shows that are making our community shine. Let's turn the spotlight onto our movies and series, and watch them grow like a chia pet on steroids.

So, whether you're a Chente fanatic or just a casual viewer, grab your popcorn and your best ranchera belt, because this series is a fiesta you won't want to miss. It's like a mariachi party for your TV, and trust me, it's bueno, muy bueno.

Well, grab your magnifying glasses and put on your detective hats, because "Death on the Nile" is like a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma - but not in the good Agatha Christie way. It's more like a mixtape of mismatched ideas that'll leave you scratching your head faster than Hercule Poirot solving a crossword puzzle.

First things first, Gal Gadot seems to be on a mission to conquer all of Hollywood, one accent at a time. Her British accent in this movie is so... unique, it's like she's channeling a British cat stuck in a tree. And speaking of trees, she's supposed to be a wealthy British ancestor, but she's got more Mediterranean vibes than a Greek salad.

Then there's the Indian cousin who seems to have teleported from a parallel universe where geography and heritage are mere suggestions. In the pursuit of inclusivity, they've turned the past into a Rubik's Cube of confusion. And don't even get me started on the unnecessary lesbian relationship - it's like they're playing bingo with diversity checkboxes.

But wait, there's more! Remember that white British romance novelist from the original novel? Well, say hello to the black blues singer version of her. I mean, who needs historical accuracy when you can just throw history out the window and watch it shatter into a million confusing pieces?

And let's not forget the "Death on the Mississippi Burning" subplot. Suddenly, we're in the middle of a history lesson about racial discrimination in a murder mystery. Is it just me, or did we take a wrong turn into a history class while we were supposed to be solving a murder?

But hold onto your magnifying glasses, because the movie's got more issues than a newspaper delivery boy. The excessive length, slow pacing, and CGI that looks like it was drawn by a toddler on a sugar high - it's like they dumped the entire digital art supply store into the movie.

So, if you're in the mood for a cruise down Confusion River with a side of CGI overload, "Death on the Nile" is your ticket to bafflement. Forget about solving the mystery; you'll be too busy wondering what dimension you've stumbled into. Maybe it's time to dust off those old TV versions or, hey, why not give that bookshelf a little love? Agatha Christie might not have seen this coming, but you sure will!

Ladies and gentlemen, put on your blue suede shoes and get ready to shake, rattle, and roll with "Elvis," the flick that left us all shook up - in a good way! This movie isn't just great; it's like a peanut butter and banana sandwich for your soul - a little quirky, a little sweet, and a whole lotta fabulous.

First off, let's talk about Elvis's daughter being all up in this story like a peanut butter swirl in an ice cream cone. It's like she whispered in the director's ear, "Hey, let's make my dad look super cool," and boy, did they deliver! We get to see where the King got his mojo, and it's like the music gods conspired to create a perfect harmony of family love and rock 'n' roll rebellion.

But oh, the legendary Colonel Tom Parker, the slick manager with a heart as cold as a deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwich - minus the deliciousness. Seeing his dark side finally exposed is like finding out Santa Claus moonlights as the Grinch. Parker, you sneaky showbiz Grinch, you've been caught!

Tom Hanks and Austin Butler - man, oh man, did they bring Elvis and Parker to life. It's like they had an Elvis-impersonator-meets-evil-mastermind training camp, and we are here for it. The movie is like a big ol' Vegas show, all glamorous and dazzling. And speaking of dazzling, those dance moves were on point! If Elvis was the King, those moves were the royal scepter.

Can we talk about how this movie nailed the whole rags-to-riches thing? Elvis's journey from the bottom to the top is like a rollercoaster that starts with a homemade guitar and ends with a gold record. And let's not forget those black churches and choirs - Elvis got his groove from the place where tambourines and soul collide, and it's a musical mashup for the ages.

But hold onto your jumpsuits, because the movie's got its share of dramatic liberties. Like that moment when Elvis fires his manager on stage - not exactly historically accurate, but you know what they say, "Never let the truth get in the way of a good hip-shaking scene." And speaking of shaking, seeing Elvis's love for his mom and the heartache when she's gone is like a tearjerker with a side of swivel hips.

Sure, there's some Hollywood magic sprinkled in, but it's like adding glitter to a disco ball - it just makes everything more fabulous. You could call this movie "Factual-ish," but hey, who needs total accuracy when you've got Tom Hanks crooning and Austin Butler hip-thrusting?

So, buckle up for a joyride down memory lane, filled with epic tunes, flashy outfits, and more hair gel than a lifetime supply. "Elvis" isn't just a movie; it's a rock 'n' roll extravaganza that'll have you shouting "Thank you, thank you very much!" after the credits roll. Watch it once, twice, thrice - heck, make it your own movie marathon. Elvis would be proud, baby!

Step into the quantum realm of "Oppenheimer," a movie that flits between historical account and creative license like electrons in a chaotic cloud. At the movie's Big Bang, we're thrust into the life of J. Robert Oppenheimer, the man who once said, "I am become Death, destroyer of worlds," but here he's more like, "I am become Confusion, creator of head-scratching moments."

So, Oppenheimer is a rich boy turned scientist, which sounds like the beginning of a quirky origin story, but this film is less superhero and more... well, we're not entirely sure. The narrative sporadically wades into the atomic bomb's birthing process, like a reluctant parent dipping a toe into a pool of uncertainty. And if you've ever wondered how nuclear physics and Snow White might connect, you're in luck, because Oppenheimer's jealousy leads him to poison an apple in a desperate bid to unseat his powerful professor, but the movie fails to mention that in reality Oppenheimer got in big trouble for doing that, even possibly having criminal charges against him, until his daddy, bailed him out and help saved him with this powerful connections. Talk about academia's version of workplace drama!

Now, let's talk "artistic effects," which in this movie are about as coherent as a quark's spin direction. The black-and-white to color transition aims to distinguish Strauss and Oppenheimer's perspectives, but ends up resembling a battle between ideologies - "Communism Drama vs. Actual Science."

Hold onto your lab coats, because we're diving into the tempestuous sea of Oppenheimer's romantic escapades. His main squeeze, Jean, navigates a tangle of relationships that rival the complexity of string theory. But here's the twist: rated R scenes that deserve their own genre, starring a lady whose talent lies in disrobing for science, and then suddenly posing as a human bookmark in the Bhagavad Gita. Who knew sacred texts made for such steamy reads?

Speaking of party time, Oppenheimer and his wife Kitty are like the ultimate hosts in their Los Alamos shindigs. With martinis flowing like rivers of atomic energy, the couple embodies the partying spirit of their era. But Kitty's secret formula seems to be equal parts alcohol and selective obliviousness, because she's fine with Oppenheimer's extracurricular experiments in romance.

As we journey through Oppenheimer's life, we encounter the selective geography of movie magic. Apparently, Native Americans and Mexican Americans were just scenic extras in the "empty land" of Los Alamos. Let's just say historical accuracy took a detour to Hollywoodland.

Fasten your seatbelts, because the movie's artistic choices leave us wondering if the director had a hearing impairment agenda. Deafening sounds and blinding lights compete to become your new ear and eye doctor. And don't even get us started on the atomic bomb scene - it's less explosion, more sparkler party in your backyard.

Communism, that recurring character, adds its own layer of complexity. But amidst the cerebral conundrum, one figure emerges as the true star: Einstein. With his cute, quirky charm, he lights up the screen like a photon in a sea of uncertainty.

In the end, "Oppenheimer" is a cinematic experiment that, like quantum physics, leaves us with more questions than answers. Just remember, when watching this movie, don't look for a clear plot - it's more like a wave-particle duality of historical events and creative leaps. And if you find yourself bewildered, take comfort in knowing that Einstein's charming cameos are the gravity that keeps this cinematic atom from flying off into the void.

The original Little Mermaid was an ocean of beauty, sweetness, and laughs, but this new remake feels like a shipwreck. The CGI is so cringe-worthy; even the old cartoon version looks more real! I mean, did they hire plankton to do the graphics?

And don't even get me started on Ariel's dad. He's out there, Mr. Worldwide, with his mixed children all over the place. Talk about a fishy womanizer! Sebastian and Flounder are the embodiment of "fake it 'til you make it." They look like they came straight out of a discount Walmart fish tank.

The new songs? More like cringe-fest karaoke night. Ursula should have been a drag queen - now that would have been fabulous! Let's be all-inclusive and sprinkle some sparkle on this sea witch!

The acting scenes in the castle were like a low-budget soap opera. Cue the dramatic music, and let's pretend this is entertaining. Oh, and the market? It looked like a sketchy swap meet from the Caribbean. Bargain deals on underwater knick-knacks, anyone?

And Eric's family dynamics? They were about as connected as a dolphin trying to communicate with a seagull. Maybe they should have stuck with a dad that looked like him and made some sense out of the whole thing!

The little mermaid herself had a lovely voice, but her wardrobe choices? Yikes! Who dressed her? A sea cucumber with bad taste?

Overall, this movie was a shipwreck just like the rest of the recent Hollywood and Disney remakes. Someone call the writers; they need to break out of this creative drought that's been going on, nothing good has been written since the 90s!

What a biased movie. Growing up as a catholic I highly recommend everybody to question everything. Mathematically and historically none of this makes any sense. The movie was off in many ways: the actors ages didn't match their faces, how does Abraham and his wife look young but they are supposed to be super old? Isaac didn't look like his mom or dad, he is too white, and how did he even shave? The wife is super annoying and extremely needy and the lover, the Egyptian, they make her look uglier and mean. The Romans have eyeliner and are fat... is this supposed to make them look mean? How are this super private conversations recorded and so accurate from thousands of years ago? So Abraham is just traveling to a location to take over land and about to sacrifice his not only son, because he had 8, so he can prove to God that he is afraid and he is loyal? That doesn't sound crazy to anybody? And at that time he had 2 sons, his first son Ishmael, who they don't seemed to want to mention because maybe his old wife might get angry at this. You can't just go around having kids and then pretend you only love one... this is not okay. This cannot be a true fact. What about time? How wife couldn't have children so God waited until he had an eligitimiate son and after some years God said okay now that your wife is 90 years old, she can have one son... wow that's nuts! So they both were super old when Isaac was born, they were 90 years old and 100 years old when at that time the life spam of people was 18 years of age. This in all is a miracle and a world record... with all the technology in the world nowadays and with all the medicine discoveries... nobody has ever seen or known a person to die at 175 years like Abraham or Sarah 127. Hagar by the way was a child, offered by God wife to him since he couldn't have children with her, she must have been around 12-15 or so years of age... that is horrible, he was 89. She basically gave his husband up to this other woman, she became then his wife, by force, but his wife. Sarai, sorry Sarah, because God changed their names, for some crazy reason. This all seems to me like abuse and they used that poor girl for their own benefit and then wanted to get rid of the poor girl and the child he had with her that is and will be always his first child anyways. So Sarah made Abraham sent Hagar away into the desert and abandoned them in the middle of nowhere, that's so sad and evil. The end of this story is that it's a family feud and those two half brothers are at war with one another and both claim to be the only son of Abraham when in fact they both are and some others too... because Abraham married again, apperantly, and he had more sons, making it a total of 8. Where is everybody else? This entire story is so unproven in many ways. Mathematically and historically is magically inaccurate.

The movie is worse than any other religious based movie I've seen, this one shows more inaccuracies than expected... maybe it's time to realize some things just don't match.

Terrible movie, let me list the reasons why: bad quality, bad acting, annoying accents, cheap locations, the script is trash, the teenagers are annoying, cinematography is so bad, terrible quiet moments, it's bloody boring!

Terrible movie, let me list the reasons why: bad quality, bad acting, annoying accents, cheap locations, the script is trash, the teenagers are annoying, cinematography is so bad, terrible quiet moments, it's bloody boring!

Terrible movie, let me list the reasons why: bad quality, bad acting, annoying accents, cheap locations, the script is trash, the teenagers are annoying, cinematography is so bad, terrible quiet moments, it's bloody boring!

Blurry movie, so much violence, the story plot is really dumb and boring. Extremely unlikely scenes. I think they were trying to be artistic with the cinematography but it looks like a cheap terrible quality type of movie. A mother that is basically a killer is trying to teach her 12 year old daughter how to be one as well. If wilderness, violence, gore, killing animals, and middle of nowhere kind of places is your thing... go on watch this boring piece of trash movie. I need more words, so here is this... don't let anyone tell you this movie is a good movie, it's not, it's boring and dumb, just watch Taken is better and this one is trying to replicate it in a way. There... goodbye!

The director and writer of this movie should retire, it's a super dull movie and I was so excited when it was over, what a torture! The movie is trying so hard to be action, thriller and funny all at once, but it's none, it's just so dull. The choice of music is just terrible, it made it even more difficult to like. Stop older women trying to be young & stop all that cheese needy love, Hallmark Channel trash. It's so hard to find movies nowadays that actually are written and directed well. Why do the majority of movies nowadays that are supposed to be funny/comedy have to use so much profanity? It's just not funny, but uncomfortable to watch with anybody, it's just too vulgar. I wouldn't watch it ever again and I wouldn't recommend you to watch it either. If you love cinema, don't ruin it with movies like this, stop it!!!

It's a boring, annoying, dumb movie. It started very, very busy... the camera moves everywhere, people talk on top of each other, you can't understand one conversation because the camera moves so fast to others and the voices of others are heard clearly in the back. People repeat conversations... It's a movie with much distractions and clearly ADHD. Another thing that is bothering is the mention of the H guy and Elvis throughout the movie which makes no sense, just like the entire dialogue which it's vulgar a and has a lot of profanity. There is no wonder why there are so many people with mental issues, we are all being exposed to movies like this, that if weak minded people watch it can make them depressed and addics at that, since an addiction to some pills seems to cure it all, by the horrific depressive dumb dialogue. A bunch of German talk and a lot of sarcasm against the Christianity... the pope, JFK photo... what???

This is a piece of junk, a disgrace to Marylin and just another bunch of parasites trying to get money off of Marylins image. Poor Marylin, everybody that came across her took advantage of her and got rich in some way, poor girl 😞 From the start, this whole movie is all fictional! Because it is made out of a fictional novel of someone who has no creativity in writing and made some money with Marilyn's image. The director is obsessed with nudity, and added a fictionalized portrayel of Marilyns personal private life. He has no respect for any talented individual, since he has no talent himself. Since he's from Australia he has no respect for our American legend, so much so that he even calls her a wh%*e. It begans with Marilyns mother so obsessed and crazy over this fictional, "famous" character that's supposed to be the dad of Marylin. She's naked, trying to drown Marilyn, and she's super crazy. In reality Marilyns mother was mentally ill but the director went too far. Later, Marylin has a homosexual affair with a fictionalized couple, which are sons of famous actors. Again they trashed the image of people, when there is no proof that any of this happened. Next, Dimaggio, is portrayed as a cruel wife beater, manipulative and possessive with a very annoying Italian family that makes fun of Marilyn, in front of her face. Making Marilyn seem like a total idiot at anything especially at the egg scene. Honestly, Dimaggio was probably the one that could have saved her, he never married again, he loved her till the day he died, and his last words were "Ill finally see Marilyn again." Later we see, Arthur Miller, portrayed as her nicest husband, very understanding and a comforting husband, who was not! He was cruel to her and probably the cause of more of her depression, since he put her in a mental house and made a rude play about her right after she died, which this movie doesn't mention. And throughout the movie Marilyn calls her husbands daddy, which is not true. After, we see JFK portrayed as a horrible individual and in a obscene, cruel and evil manner. In reality Marilyn had no relation, whatsoever with JFK. How would they know such things happened in such private scenes? The director is sick, and whoever is involved in this movie is too. Then, we see Marilyn acting crazy, screaming all over the place nude in her room, which is her real house and real room. How cruel of them to film such degrading scenes, to make some money. Lastly, throughout the movie, Marilyn is obsessed with a father who has not been in her life and she hardly ever visited her mother. As well as Marilyn being obsessed with anti-abortion commentary, going so much as to say to her mother that she was brave to have her. When nobody knows when or if Marilyn was happy of being born. How many Marilyns would there be that went through all that tragedy. No child should live the life that Marilyn did, it's sad and horrible. And I'm surprised they didn't mention at all about Marilyn's acting teachers, Lee and Paula Strasburg, who were not only manipulative but they probably made her crazy to take all of her estate. Overall, this movie should have never been made, should be banned and should not be put as a biography. The writer, director, and everybody involved in this has no shame and they have a horrible mentality to come up with such grotesque junk! It's a horrible movie that I would never recommend.

Who writes these movies? Who funds them? Omg such a dumb story, plot, everything about it. Experiments on inmates, nothing new, a copy of other stories as usual but twisting it in a way that makes it unlikable. A bunch of annoying music and Chris Hemsworth is so obnoxious, can't stand him. It's a movie of some untalented unimaginative group of individuals... as usual with movies nowadays, more about sex and drugs than anything else. A very tasteless, boring movie. Lastly, it makes me angry because I'm sure there are so many talented people out there with story plots and real life stories that can be twisted to make amazing movies but they keep making trash and spending lots of movie at it too.

Who would pay to go watch this in theaters? Good thing I waited and watched it for free with my subscription. I knew it was a foolish movie since the preview, but, it's not only foolish, it's incredibly dumb. Too many dumb movies out there already, we didn't need another one. And the butt scene was so ridiculous, as always using sex appeal to attract dumb people. Repetitive silly plot with horrible costume design, it's just a ridiculous movie.

The story plot is boring and lame, there are so many drug related movies out there, its getting really annoying and repetitive. The cinematography was terrible, the acting was not good, but that is perhaps because the story made no sense, it has no direction and many scene's seemed foolish. White people always writing stories about Mexicans in a negative way, don't y'all get tired?

This movie should have a warning and age restriction it is inappropriate and uncomfortable to watch. An extremely annoying teen that gets her period, loves her friends more than her parents and draws inappropriate pictures in her journal under her bed and is boy crazy! When the teen becomes a panda (metaphor for period) she turns angry and needs to be controlled... so they are saying women are crazy and super emotional when red. The elder women teach her about how to control the "Red Panda" at the end realizing that all her ancestors of the past had this same experience but one day the panda goes away, the mom walks inside a hole that basically says goodbye to her menstruation forever. OMG such a terrible movie that I wouldn't recommend... NOT 4 KIDS!

What a piece of junk... this movie is just plain trash, depressive, fictional and absurd. Everything is so ugly and negative in this movie, they make Diana seem crazy and paranoid. This movie is very cheap because it is only set in one location, which makes it very boring. The music throughout this movie does not match, for it is slow jazz which could match to a movie based on New York but not England. It is a terrible movie and nobody should watch it!