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Lifetime Total
1+
IMDb Member
1 year, 5 months
Reviews
Constellation (2024)
Another "slow bus to nowhere" sci-fi show from Apple
Off the bat I'll say that what I mean by the title is that this is one of those stories told all out of order and mixed up, that, if told straight forward, would be about a 15 minute long show. Apple+ sure LOVES to make science fiction shows that make you start getting concerned that you've been wasting your time once you get to the midpoint of episodes. They've done like three shows like this now where you have almost no idea what's going on for the first few episodes... Then you start to realize, but hope there will be a twist... And then there is no twist and it is exactly what you predicted... And there was no reason to stretch it out so long.
Out of order and unclear story telling, with a story that would actually be quite short if told in order, is of course not always bad, and can be great, even- think of something like Pulp Fiction, for example- but in this case it is not great.
The acting is all very good, especially the little girl. She's very talented.
The show was entertaining enough that it's worth putting on your list, or watching if you've got the desire to. But by episode 3-4ish you pretty much get what's going on- if not ever detail- they continue to do a slow burn for 5 to 7 more hours of TV, as if the surprise hasn't unraveled yet.
There are also many reveals that once they are revealed you find yourself thinking, "ok... and....?". Because they all act as evidence to prove this one same thing... That you figure out pretty early into the show.
It would be like if you knew, for a fact, who the m*rderer was, in a show where that is the mystery.. and long after they gave you enough info to know it was him, and showed a flashback of him doing it... and a flash forward of him admitting it to police.... they still kept having ~shocking reveals~ in the present timeline... like, "WE FOUND HIS GLOVE AT THE CRIME SCENE- ITS A DNA MATCH (fade to credits)!". And really the only new information you're learning is that he, in fact, wore gloves, during the crime.
That is exactly what this show is like.
The small reveals mean nothing once the big reveal is so clearly the only option of what COULD be going on... It all becomes very, "Sure, why not; I guess I'd like to know why each thing happened, but I don't need to anymore." Any hope that there will be a huge unexpected twist is quickly dashed once it becomes clear what's going on (long before it's explicitly said)..... and there's no real b-plot or anything else that makes it fun once you realize what's going on.
Luckily, it is fast paced, and with good enough acting that it's not cumbersome to sit through, and each episode does go rather quickly... You just feel like there's not much to the story.
Especially now that multi-verses are all the rage in TV and film, this is pretty much just a slightly new way of telling the same old story.
Worth a watch if you like scifi, but I'll put it this way: This show is like a loooong steep hiking trail.... with no view when you get to the top.
Again, it's not at all bad, it's just not as good as you hope it will be after the first few episodes when it's action packed as they try to get home from outer space (which is risky, due to some complications)... that is before you realize the direction the show is going to go.
The negative is all down to the story itself. As I said, the acting is all good, and the cinematography and other visual effects, are also very good. The writing isn't even half bad, as far as the dialogue itself and keeping interest... it's just the story, overall, that is lacking.
The story itself is very simple and short, so it is made as confusing as possible, which is almost insulting once you realize what's going on... long before the main character.
It's also one of those shows where conflict arises simply because people don't share information they have or say things that need to be said. You find yourself yelling at the screen like "just tell him what you saw!" Or "just show him the evidence you have!" But they never do because then the story wouldn't be 8 hours long.
6/10 (and at least 3 points are for acting, and visuals)
Out of order and unclear story telling, with a story that would actually be quite short if told in order, is of course not always bad, and can be great, even- think of something like Pulp Fiction, for example- but in this case it is not great.
The acting is all very good, especially the little girl. She's very talented.
The show was entertaining enough that it's worth putting on your list, or watching if you've got the desire to. But by episode 3-4ish you pretty much get what's going on- if not ever detail- they continue to do a slow burn for 5 to 7 more hours of TV, as if the surprise hasn't unraveled yet.
There are also many reveals that once they are revealed you find yourself thinking, "ok... and....?". Because they all act as evidence to prove this one same thing... That you figure out pretty early into the show.
It would be like if you knew, for a fact, who the m*rderer was, in a show where that is the mystery.. and long after they gave you enough info to know it was him, and showed a flashback of him doing it... and a flash forward of him admitting it to police.... they still kept having ~shocking reveals~ in the present timeline... like, "WE FOUND HIS GLOVE AT THE CRIME SCENE- ITS A DNA MATCH (fade to credits)!". And really the only new information you're learning is that he, in fact, wore gloves, during the crime.
That is exactly what this show is like.
The small reveals mean nothing once the big reveal is so clearly the only option of what COULD be going on... It all becomes very, "Sure, why not; I guess I'd like to know why each thing happened, but I don't need to anymore." Any hope that there will be a huge unexpected twist is quickly dashed once it becomes clear what's going on (long before it's explicitly said)..... and there's no real b-plot or anything else that makes it fun once you realize what's going on.
Luckily, it is fast paced, and with good enough acting that it's not cumbersome to sit through, and each episode does go rather quickly... You just feel like there's not much to the story.
Especially now that multi-verses are all the rage in TV and film, this is pretty much just a slightly new way of telling the same old story.
Worth a watch if you like scifi, but I'll put it this way: This show is like a loooong steep hiking trail.... with no view when you get to the top.
Again, it's not at all bad, it's just not as good as you hope it will be after the first few episodes when it's action packed as they try to get home from outer space (which is risky, due to some complications)... that is before you realize the direction the show is going to go.
The negative is all down to the story itself. As I said, the acting is all good, and the cinematography and other visual effects, are also very good. The writing isn't even half bad, as far as the dialogue itself and keeping interest... it's just the story, overall, that is lacking.
The story itself is very simple and short, so it is made as confusing as possible, which is almost insulting once you realize what's going on... long before the main character.
It's also one of those shows where conflict arises simply because people don't share information they have or say things that need to be said. You find yourself yelling at the screen like "just tell him what you saw!" Or "just show him the evidence you have!" But they never do because then the story wouldn't be 8 hours long.
6/10 (and at least 3 points are for acting, and visuals)
Haters Back Off! (2016)
Wants to be Napoleon Dynamite more than a frat boy in 2007.
Wants to be Napoleon Dynamite more than a frat boy in 2007.
And I do not mean that as a compliment.
It is the most derivative thing I've ever seen, but a much much much worse version, and made a full decade after that style of humor went... out of style.
It is very self-serving; It is clear that the audience was not considered at all. Has no overall story that connects to the viewer. And it's not even "so bad it's good." It is truly just bad and truly hard to sit through the entire first season.
I will forever be astonished that it got a second season.
Netflix should pay to erase the show from the Internet and pretend it never happened.
Only giving a few stars for the sake of the crew as the sets (etc) are fine.
And I do not mean that as a compliment.
It is the most derivative thing I've ever seen, but a much much much worse version, and made a full decade after that style of humor went... out of style.
It is very self-serving; It is clear that the audience was not considered at all. Has no overall story that connects to the viewer. And it's not even "so bad it's good." It is truly just bad and truly hard to sit through the entire first season.
I will forever be astonished that it got a second season.
Netflix should pay to erase the show from the Internet and pretend it never happened.
Only giving a few stars for the sake of the crew as the sets (etc) are fine.
The Bubble (2022)
Objectively bad.
Don't listen to the few contrarians; They're either trying to be high brow, as if naysayers don't "get it" (we do), or they just like to disagree haha.
I am not hard to please AT ALL. I've watched an insane amount of bad TV and films and it is RARE that I even consider turning something off. This though? It was sincerely hard to get through. The plot of the film is a fun idea and seems like it'll be another one of his wild comedies, but it isn't. It's dry in a way that doesn't fit with the film overall. It's very hard to get into the plot or care about the characters, truly.
Actually made me question his taste, and wonder if Apatow's early hits were actually the flukes, and not his more recent flops (some of which weren't as bad as people said, like "This is 40", however this is as bad as people said).
Oh and before you get excited to hate watch- it's not that kind of bad. It's not funny bad. Or weird bad. Or "I can't believe what I'm seeing!" bad. It's like raw footage from an unedited documentary level of boring.
I can't even give suggestions on what I wish was different because it was the script. The script was bad. And if they improv'd then I guess it was the editing that was especially bad. But "bad" remains lol.
And because of some other reviews, I can't stress this enough... It's not not funny bc it's a "weird humor", or bc it's dark or artsy, or something. No. It's not any of those kinds of funny because it is not funny; Hard stop.
It's also not *FUN*. Clunky and BORING.
Love all the actors usually, too, especially Karen Gillan- but it didn't allow them to be great. (3/10 stars for decent cinematography)
I am not hard to please AT ALL. I've watched an insane amount of bad TV and films and it is RARE that I even consider turning something off. This though? It was sincerely hard to get through. The plot of the film is a fun idea and seems like it'll be another one of his wild comedies, but it isn't. It's dry in a way that doesn't fit with the film overall. It's very hard to get into the plot or care about the characters, truly.
Actually made me question his taste, and wonder if Apatow's early hits were actually the flukes, and not his more recent flops (some of which weren't as bad as people said, like "This is 40", however this is as bad as people said).
Oh and before you get excited to hate watch- it's not that kind of bad. It's not funny bad. Or weird bad. Or "I can't believe what I'm seeing!" bad. It's like raw footage from an unedited documentary level of boring.
I can't even give suggestions on what I wish was different because it was the script. The script was bad. And if they improv'd then I guess it was the editing that was especially bad. But "bad" remains lol.
And because of some other reviews, I can't stress this enough... It's not not funny bc it's a "weird humor", or bc it's dark or artsy, or something. No. It's not any of those kinds of funny because it is not funny; Hard stop.
It's also not *FUN*. Clunky and BORING.
Love all the actors usually, too, especially Karen Gillan- but it didn't allow them to be great. (3/10 stars for decent cinematography)