troywhigham Reviews (14)

Invitation to Ruin (1968)

Rating does not reflect the entertainment value

[7/10 · 26 January 2018]

This film is one very good example of the types of "nudie-roughies" that were produced not for the strength of the characters or storyline, but for its ability (or blatant attempt to) shock the audience. Like others of the genre, such as "Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS", which spawned its own line of sequels, this movie used a basic plot as a mechanism to show women-in-merciless-peril through depictions of drug abuse, torture, and white slavery. Two of the actresses - Kathy Williams and Julia Blackburn - went on to have a bit of career with these sorts of films, more often than not ending up naked, suspended, and whipped, as Blackburn does in this film and Williams does in "The Ramrodder", another noteworth entry in the "nudie-roughie" genre. In fact, this film would most likely have ended up in the Lost Films black hole had it not been for Blackburn's performance as the white slave Karen, who is strung up naked in a dungeon, whipped, and tortured with a smoldering wooden log by the overseer Mama Lupo. That scene gave the film a bit of a cult following in the erotic underground, which no doubt led to sales of the film, which is exactly what the producers were hoping would happen when the film was made. Had the producers contrived a way for both Williams and Blackburn to end up suspended and whipped, no doubt this film would've been preserved in much better condition. As it is, most surviving examples are copies of copies, which are never as sharp as the original, but at least the film still survives in some form.

Cheap grindhouse films like this one are few and far between, owing largely to MPAA and federal "decency" standards which have fractured the film industry and its distribution channels. Some day this film may be remade to more evolved standards that shock and titillate, but that day hasn't come yet. In the meantime, put on your best sportcoat, pour yourself a glass of Scotch, and sit back while Blackburn hangs suspended in Mama Lupo's dungeon of horror.

Raze (2013)

What if your girlfriend were kidnapped and forced to fight for her life... and yours.

[8/10 · 15 February 2016]

The premise isn't anything new: warriors held in captivity and forced to fight for their lives with the victor promised freedom for victory. The Romans did this with their gladiators, and every gladiator movie since then has followed the same basic concept: fight or die.

But what makes this movie different isn't that it takes place in an underground prison compound with the fights broadcast on closed-circuit TV for the enjoyment of wealthy elite, or that the women are all beautiful and capable fighters, or that the dungeon masters are cold, heartless, masochists with a twisted dream of empowerment. No, what sets this movie apart is that the characters forced to fight are relatable, meaning that you've known women just like this at some point in your life. You have known women who have: (a) been in an abusive relationship, (b) helped support her mother and father during tough times, (c) was a college athlete and started a small business in the fitness field, (d) was a single-parent mother who joined the military in a non-combat role just to support her daughter, (e) took classes at a gym and got into the lifestyle, (f) took a boring mainstream job to pay the bills and put her dreams on hold, and/or (g) suffered PTSD. You form an emotional bond with each girl thrown into the pit. You feel empathy for their situation. This isn't MMA with referees and time-outs. This is your sister, your cousin, your girlfriend forced into a brutal situation that tests her physically, psychologically, and emotionally. That horror is what sells this movie.

Zoe Bell carries this movie in much the same way that Bruce Lee carried "Enter The Dragon". It is her character that becomes the focal point, even though the first female character to whom we're introduced and with whom we bond is simply used to clarify the conflict within the hero's psyche. This change-up will leave you reeling like a punch-drunk boxer, and the hits just keep coming after that. Every girl that fights has her own story, and you can't help but feel sorry for each one as they're forced to fight, even when they're mentally and physically broken.

The casting was well done, and the actresses are credible in their roles, though I consider "Phoebe" to be the most poorly developed (and overly acted) of the group. Considering that most of the cast are relatively unknown (other than Bell and Soldana) the acting is impressive. How Bruce Thomas hasn't landed a role as Brian Cranston's brother is beyond me - he looks eerily similar and turns in a very credible performance.

The ending is pretty definitive as to making this a stand-alone film, but that's not to rule out the potential of a sequel, and one that really needs to be done. Once you've watched the film and have recovered from the gut-punch, you'll want to watch it again. I'd love to see this story continued, but with a stronger social statement attached to lift it out of the "exploitation" stigma.

Creeper (II) (2012)

For once I cheered for the bad guy

[7/10 · 31 December 2015]

A surprisingly good little indie film that loses its focus from time to time, but is supported by surprising performances by unknown actors. A good horror/giallo/slasher film needs a good antagonist, and in this film that role switches sides very effectively.

The movie opens with a bang, as an attractive young woman (Tara Price) awakes to find herself stripped naked and locked in a cage on the shore of a lake. A cable is strung from one end of the cage and, as she screams, the cage is dragged into the water. Roll title sequence.

How's that for an opening? The movie then goes back in time about a year, as two young women, lounging in a hot tub, complain about all of the creepers they meet through online dating. Bored and endowed with both good looks and a sense of Millennial entitlement, they decide to have some fun with a creeper and see how much power they can exert over an unsuspecting and desperate man. They recruit two more friends to help string Jerry Tobin (played very well by Darryl Baldwin) into a connection with promises of friendship. They flash their breasts in a "Mardi Gras moment" to coerce Jerry into performing disgusting acts of depravity (licking his toilet, tazing his own mouth and neck, and whipping himself with a belt for starters) for their amusement. Eventually they grow tired of the tricks and decide to up the ante by exerting the ultimate form of control over a person - taking his life. They lure him to a desolate location, goad him into drinking wine laced with muscle relaxants, and then attack him. They believe they have killed him, except the police can't find a body. A killer on the loose is news, and it turns out that Jerry wasn't "a retard" as the girls assumed. Rather, he's a Gulf War vet suffering mental trauma who was on medication that rendered him child-like. Jerry, it seems, is having difficulty adjusting to civilization.

Back to present time. The girl in the opening scene is getting ready to take a shower, not knowing that Jerry is waiting. She's subdued and wakes up in the cage, which is then dragged into the water by a cable. What follows is a series of situations involving the other girls caught in miscellaneous perils. For every act the girls made him do to himself, they are in turn forced to endure themselves. Scat, whipping, electrocution, nudity, water torture, exposure, strangulation, and humiliation are in store for the girls as each succumbs to Jerry's wrath.

To tie this film back to its grind-house horror inspirations, static and degradation lines are superimposed over the picture, along with jumpy camera-work and color fading in certain scenes. To be honest, this is overkill. We know this is a grind-house flick. It doesn't need to be beaten over our heads (like Jerry does to one victim). The nudity is almost-but-not-quite gratuitous, and if anything one scene involving electro-torture is degraded because of a lack of it. Anyone who's worked with electricity will tell you that bare skin works better as a conductor than trying to shock someone through the resistance of their clothing. That the victims should be left clothed defies logic. However, the other torture scenes work well because of the nudity, and credit must go to Monica Chambers for her willingness to play her character's whipping scene properly. I also have to give credit to Tara Price for her scenes in the shower, in the cage, in the water, and walking through the woods. I had her pegged as the character most likely to have the ability to take Jerry down. Had her character not been killed off so clumsily, she could have stolen this film for herself, much like Steve McQueen stole "The Magnificent Seven" from Yule Brenner.

A good thriller needs a good villain, and Darryl Baldwin does an excellent job setting up his character's personality. Baldwin doesn't speak a single line of dialogue, yet he's able to convey a sense of child-like innocence in one moment, then stone-cold military operative the next. I'd love to see Mr. Baldwin do more "So-Evil-I-Love-Him" roles. He's got the gift for it.

The supporting actors, particularly those portraying the police tactical team, do a credible job. Usually these roles are hugely overlooked by directors, but the casting team did an excellent job finding extras that could portray credible SWAT members. It's the little things like this that can make or break a movie.

This film is surprisingly re-watchable, though some dialogue scenes are almost too blatant to watch, particularly the self-expository dialogue in the hot tub as the girls smoke cigars and discuss their motivations, and again in the woods when the two principal characters are being pursued by Jerry and decide to stop running long enough to discuss their plan for escape. Seriously?

Weaknesses? Yes. As I mentioned, the expository dialogue is unnecessary and clumsy. Leaving victims clothed for electro-torture is a huge technical error. The digital grit, jumpy camera, static, and blood splatter get old. The acting isn't stellar, but good enough on the whole; Tara Price should have been given more to do and will no doubt turn up again in future films. Darryl Baldwin could have a future playing heavies much the same way Danny Trejo has made a career doing.

Overall, this film is definitely worth a quiet evening at home.

Bikini Avengers (2015 Video)

This is what cable TV airs at 3;30am

[5/10 · 20 October 2015]

This is what you end up watching when you wake up 3:30 in the morning, wide awake with nothing to do and the only things on television are football games played two days earlier and infomercials. Then, there's this. "This" is an insipid soft core porn film that you want to turn away from, but then nudity comes on and you feel that something good is about to happen. So you wait. And you wait. Then you realize "Why is she called 'Bikini Avenger' when she doesn't wear a bikini? And why isn't Thong Girl wearing a thong?" and then you get more nudity. Not that it's a bad thing. Sarah Hunter is lovely to look at in her nude scenes, with creamy white flawless skin that Goth-lovers would swoon over, and soft, natural breasts and a plump ass perfect for, well, making soft core porn erotica. And she's not that bad of an actress, either. The other actors have a so-bad-its-good quality to their delivery, and Nick Manning's performance makes me seriously consider becoming an actor myself, because if he can do it, anybody can. How hard can it be? And then there's a nude scene and you think, "Eh, maybe not." Some soft core erotica films actually become cult classics eventually, but I don't really see that future with this film. It's a one-and-done film; see it once and you'll never have to see it again. Well, unless you want to clip and save Sarah Hunter's scenes. If you're into superhero sexcapades, you may get a kick out of it. This is what the 60's "Batman" could've been if Yvonne Craig, Juli Newmar, and Lee Meriwether had done nudity. Otherwise, pass on it or wake up 3:30am.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team (2006– )

Dispels a lot of myths

[7/10 · 1 September 2015]

A documentary disguised as a reality show, this program follows select candidates as they wind their way through the audition, selection, and weeding-out process leading up to the first football game for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, the most famous pro cheerleading team in America (the Raiderettes a close second, followed by the Laker Girls).

The first thing that will strike you about the show is how open the girls are about their fears and concerns, and how critical the coaches and selection committee are in determining which candidates survive each round of cuts. When a dancer is called into the office for her evaluation, you will be right there with her, sweating it out as Lisa and Judy critique her performance and tell her what to focus on for next time, if there is a next time for her. There's a reason why the DCC are the best in the business, and this show tells you why.

Granted, its not like watching football try-outs or practices, but then it's not supposed to be. Its closer to watching auditions for a chorus line in a major Broadway production. DCC has a "look", just like the Rockettes, and every girl on the squad has to match that "look". Too tall, too big, too thin, too small and she's out. Only 5 years of dance training? She's out. A girl has minutes to learn a complete routine. If she forgets a step, she's out. Criteria are high and the chance for failure is abundant.

It's what being a pro-level dancer is all about.

Injun (2013)

Another Indie film that comes up short

[5/10 · 24 August 2015]

The premise is straight out of a pulp cowboy novel. Near the end of the Civil War, CSA deserters running south through Florida come upon a small homestead managed by a white family and local non-descript Native Americans. The bandits kill the men and rape the women, leaving the most attractive woman alive, naked, and staked out on the ground. At night, a traveling prospector-type comes along and rescues her. Together, they run off into the woods and set up a small camp alongside a river. The squaw, played by Debra Cassano (in a case of white-girl-gone-Native-American) returns to exact her revenge. Afterwards, she baths in a river during a rainstorm to wash away the sin and purify her soul. Or something like that.

Cassano does a fair job and should be congratulated for her bravery in filming the rape scenes and the river scene. She's cute and does a so-so job in delivering her lines, but is hamstrung with poor dialogue and a weak surrounding cast. The "retarded bandit" is an old stereotype that doesn't deserve screen time, and the actor playing that character could easily have been the leading man instead. The actor playing the prospector also does a fair job with his material. The others... not so much. This had the potential to be a cult classic but failures in cinematography, editing, and dialogue ruin any chance of that. This film has the vibe of something a group of film school students would put together as a graduation project, and the fact that it was filmed in Florida (the UCF film school and the Full Sail film school are both in Orlando) makes me wonder if that's isn't exactly what this is.

This film is also known as "Scalped" and is available on DVD while supplies last. If you're a fan of Indie community films, this makes good filler, but remember to check your big-studio aspirations at the door.

Caged Women II (1996)

Another addition to the Women-In-Prison genre

[7/10 · 30 July 2015]

Told in flashbacks, this is a tale less of condemned inmates and more about kidnapping of wandering girls by a sheriff.

Nicole (Deborah Dutch) is an aspiring singer who decides to hitchhike her way across the nation. She's picked up (in a friendly way) by a female sheriff (Nikki Fritz) and taken back to the sheriff's house, where she's covertly drugged. After taking a shower while the sheriff (unbeknownst to Nicole) shoots up heroin, Nicole passes out on the sheriff's couch. Changing into lingerie, the sheriff goes down into the living room where Nicole is sleeping in only white thong panties and full make-up (of course; a girl has to look her best at all times) and like a pied piper, guides Nicole into the sheriff's bedroom where a pretty good lesbian sex scene takes place.

Afterwards, Nicole is chained to a wall in the basement by the sheriff. As it turns out, Sheriff Riely is part of a ring where unsuspecting girls are captured and used for snuff shows for paying customers. We see an unknown girl, wearing a striped prisoner blouse and black panties, led into a giant cage where she's handcuffed to a chair. Having changed into a Dominatrix ensemble, Sheriff Riley oils up her victim and whips her (lightly) across the tummy. This goes on for awhile and when the show is over, its really over. The victim is shot through the head (in silhouette; we don't see any blood).

Still captive, Nicole urinates into a metal bowl while in another part of the house the sheriff is surprised to find her partner and two paying customers waiting. Apparently the customers have paid good money for some alone time with the next performer/victim - Nicole. Even though she's not happy with this change in the business model, the sheriff reluctantly agrees. Next we see the two customers sitting on the sheriff's bed as Nicole, now dressed in black thong panties, black strapless bra, and black robe, is led into the room by the business partner. The partner seductively disrobes Nicole, then steps aside. One of the customers pulls Nicole onto the bed and... fade to black.

The plot is told by a retired police detective (Ivan Rogers) first to a news reporter, then later to a local waitress he knows. I suppose this is a good way to skip over what would otherwise be dead time in the story, but it cheats the viewer of the dramatic build-up by skipping straight to the good parts.

Next, Nicole is in the cage, tied to the wall. The sheriff, in her Dominatrix outfit, oils up Nicole's chest, then whips her. The whipping is light although its clearly meant to be a lot rougher. There was also some continuity issue here as, when we see the whip, Nicole's shirt is down, but when we see her facial reaction, the shirt is up. It kind of ruins what could have been a much better scene. After her whipping, the Dom sheriff takes a cigarette and burns Nicole's tummy. Later, when we see Nicole, there is no burn mark. Because the partnership doesn't yet have their next victim lined up, Nicole is spared execution and returned to her chains in the basement.

As the detective tells it, Nicole somehow manages to knock out the sheriff, get the key to her shackles, and escape. The sheriff pursues, armed with a long-barrel shotgun. If you're into "pursuit and capture", you'll enjoy this part as Nicole runs through the woods barefoot, wearing only her white thong panties and a sleeveless crop-cut shirt. Another girl witnesses Nicole's recapture and is taken prisoner, to become the next victim and pretty much guaranteeing that Nicole's next performance will be her last.

The sheriff takes Nicole and the new girl into the cage, tying Nicole's wrists to a bar mounted on the wall while the new girl is handcuffed to a cell bar. Just as things are about to get started, Nicole's boyfriend, who has been looking for her since she left home, comes running in, along with the police detective. There's a brief shootout and the sheriff is killed. Roll the epilogue and cue credits.

Generally, the acting isn't bad. Deborah Dutch is easy on the eyes, but Nikki Fritz' obviously fake breasts are a distraction. It's a shame, really, because Nikki is a lovely woman otherwise, and not a bad actress. The best scene is Nicole's stripping in front of the paying customers, and Dutch does a good job selling Nicole's humiliation and fear. The bondage scenes, which are supposed to shock and horrify us, don't, which is a surprise since California has plenty of studios churning out that stuff. Horror is obviously not the director's forte. I really expected to see the third girl "prepped" for her next show by being stripped, but I guess the actress wanted too much money for her skin shots. Oh well, at least Dutch, Fritz, and the girl in the chair deliver.

The story would've played much better if Nicole had found her own strength, saved the new girl, and shot/killed the sheriff and her partner that were running the snuff shows. After all, Nicole had the sheriff unconscious. Why didn't she just finish her off, then wait for the partner to show up and off her, too? Having the boyfriend save Nicole sort of cheats the feminist side of the genre. Oh well. Another opportunity missed.

There are better films in the women-in-prison genre and I'm sure this one will eventually be forgotten due to its miscues. If it weren't for the acting and beauty of Deborah Dutch, this movie wouldn't be worth the time. She really does carry the film. For her, this is a movie to be proud of, as proof that she can take a two-dimensional character and give it some depth.

Spaceship Terror (2011)

The real stars have no speaking lines

[5/10 · 29 April 2015]

A group of futuristic female astronauts and the ship's male commander crash land on a distant planet. Naturally, they send out a distress signal and are picked up by a deep-space ore freighter. The group takes the injured male commander to the sick bay for treatment, where they meet a frightened young woman. What the group soon learns is that the freighter is inhabited by only two occupants: the hunted psychotic girl and her psychopathic male hunter.

The rules are simple: the medical bay is a "safe zone". If the women try to leave, they will be stalked and killed. After each girl is killed, the hunter will leave a number on the wall, written in the victim's blood. The last surviving girl must correctly enter the numbers on a keypad in order to launch a lifepod and escape. If the girl enters the sequence incorrectly, or if she is caught by the hunter, she will be tortured mercilessly and held until another group of victims is picked up.

We've seen similar ideas before; think "Saw" meets "Aliens" and you have a pretty good idea of the plot. The hunter looks a lot like the killer from "Hostel", complete with blood-splattered apron. This brings up my first criticism of the movie. A good horror movie has a bad guy with a back story that's plausible +1. In other words, his life is normal except for one abnormal thing, whether is supernatural, extraterrestial, or psychological. We don't get a backstory to the hunter. All we know is that he likes to play games involving blood, pain, fear, and death. The movie would have been improved dramatically if the hunter had been explained as being a former crewmember suffering from "deep space dementia" and had been dressed in a uniform of some sort. The best scene in "Halloween" is, just when we think Myers has been killed by Jamie Lee Curtis, we see him arise in the background behind her. We don't get that payoff here because we have no foundation of understanding the bad guy. In "Halloween" we were told its a human being behind that mask, so when he resurrects, it makes that scene that much more chilling.

There are two good parts to this film and neither of them involve actors. The first is the ship itself. The interiors are very well done and very detailed. It's obvious that this is where most of the development focus was placed, and it pays off nicely. For a low-budget horror film, the set is convincing.

The second good part is the music. The themes contribute greatly to the feeling of foreboding and despair that resonates throughout the film. In the DVD bonus features there's an interview with the composer. To be honest, he's just as creepy as his music. Perhaps they should've cast him as the villain in this one.

The costuming is terrible. At first the astronauts are wearing the equivalent of biohazard suits - not flattering at all. Generic coveralls would've been better. The costuming actually improves once the suits come off, revealing the crop-top t-shirts, panties, and bra worn underneath, but these quickly get coated with blood, grease, and more blood so even that is a bit of a turn-off. Only one of the women thinks to take a bath, and we still don't see anything. Such a waste.

The nudity is not egregious, despite the cast being heavy on women. In fact, its not erotic at all. Despite the potential for T&A, the filmmakers dialed way, way back on the skin. There's only one or two scenes that show a bare breast, and it's covered with burn marks, blood, and grease as part of a torture scene. Not a turn-on at all but totally realistic to the plot. In fact, we only see two women actually get tortured: one is electrocuted and the other enjoys some vivesection and amputation of her legs without anesthetic.

Two of the actresses seem to exist simply as a plot point, which is a shame because they could've been so much more than just another body to kill. Gore fans will like it.

Overall, it's not bad, but could've been better. Most of the problems could've been solved at the typewriter.

A Nanny for Christmas (2010 TV Movie)

A Christmas movie that doesn't make you think too hard

[7/10 · 23 November 2012]

Emmanuelle Vaugier plays a suma cum laud college graduate trying to break into the world of advertising. She interviews with one of the hottest agencies in the field, where she thinks she's interviewing for an account executive position but is instead hired as the nanny for the CEO's two children. Along the way she begins to fall in love with one of the agency's male executives who is struggling to come up with a pitch for a major client. Thinking that the executive will think less of her for being a nanny, she lies and tells him that she's a "special consultant" to the agency, hoping to impress him. As the nanny, she teaches the children that Shakespeare can be fun... if you set up your own play. Regimented in their behavior by their over-bearing mother and absentee father, the children embrace their new nanny's ideas of how to do things (hence the references to the "Sound of Music").

Already we know how the movie will end, but what makes you want to stick around and watch is (a) Ms. Vaugier, who does a great job of being the playful nanny as well as the business-first executive, and (b) a simple, straight-forward plot that you can watch over hot cocoa and spongecake.

You probably won't cry at the end, but at least you'll laugh at the more humorous moments.

Black Ribbon (2007)

Debbie D fans will like it. Others... not so much

[4/10 · 8 September 2012]

First off, let me say that it's not easy playing a victim. Everyone cheers for the hero or the villain, so when you add in playing a victim, then playing the victim for most of the movie, and then playing a naked victim for most of the movie, you start to wonder how Debbie D hasn't been crowned a Scream Queen award winner yet by the people in the business who know how hard it is to do it.

Second, the acting by just about everyone is terrible, particularly the supporting characters. I almost got the feeling I was watching a student film, but I've seen student films that are much better. I've even seen porn films with a paper-thin plot that had better acting. And it's not the sort of "so bad it's good" acting, either, so you lose out on the cheese factor. I caught myself thinking, "WTF? They should've given me the budget to do this. I'd do it right!" Then I checked the actors' credits and noticed that they also served as production crew on the film. So, I'm guessing that it was a case of "hey, if you help me make my film I'll let you have a role in it. A speaking role!" Third, the initial premise is solid - writer buys inanimate object that possesses him. Stop. OK, if done right you can take this idea and leave the viewer wondering if the writer really was possessed, or just crazy. "The Shining" is a great example of this in execution. You just need to write it along those lines.

Fourth, what's with the retarded assistant? Comic relief? Luis de Jesus as "Ralphus" in "Bloodsucking Freaks" is the epitome of how to do the assistant to a madman. Funny yet creepy at the same time. In this one, the assistant is just a waste of space.

Fifth, if you knock out your meddlesome wife and tie her up in the basement so you can perform satanic rituals with a sacrificial victim, why not add her in as a bonus sacrifice? Or at least strip her naked and paint a pentagram on her belly, too. Maybe Lucifer prefers blondes. But wait, that's right, she's the script supervisor and probably conveniently discarded the page that talks about her clothing be removed.

Sixth (because this is a horror movie and the number "six" has evil connotations), what exactly was Gesner's role in the scheme? Nothing important, other than the fact that the actress that played her was a boom operator and script supervisor, which takes us back to the "hey, if you work on my movie I'll let you have a role" point I made earlier.

In all, this has the feel of a bunch of people with nothing to do deciding to make a movie on a long weekend and somehow roping Debbie D into being in it. Naked. For most of the film.

Someone needs to hand her an award.

The Duel at Blood Creek (2010)

Two men meet at 7am to duel for their honor... and so do two other men

[9/10 · 26 April 2012]

If you enjoyed the Monty Python films of the 70's ("Quest For The Holy Grail" comes to mind) then you'll enjoy this tale of a British nobleman and his squire who arrive at Blood Creek to settle a dispute with another nobleman over a gambling debt. As the nobleman awaits his opponent, another man arrives to also settle a matter of honor with another man. The two begin to squabble over who has the right to duel at the location, and when their opponents show up, things get funnier from there.

You never see the ending coming, and history buffs will certainly get a chuckle out of it.

Well worth the twenty minutes the film lasts, and worthy of several repeat viewings.

Three Wise Women (2010 TV Movie)

A quaint Christmas tale of a woman who swore to never love again

[6/10 · 15 December 2010]

Like most made-for-TV holiday movies, this one is a generally harmless, family-oriented feel-good tale of what happens when people thoughtlessly swear to never love another person again.

Ellie is a young girl who, at the age of 12, is riding her bike home from her boyfriend's house when she witnesses her father kissing another woman on a bridge. Overcome with emotion, she shouts at a magic fountain that she will never love again, and blindly rides her bike across a street, where she is struck by a car.

Many years later, her guardian angel, who was forced to abandon her when she swore to never love again, is given a chance to save Dr. Ellen Kilcarten (as she is known now) from the miserable - but commercially successful - life that she is destined to live. But, he is given one stipulation: Dr. Ellen must not see him, feel him, or hear him. To get around this obstacle, the angel goes through Time to recruit 12-year-old "Ellie" and 62-year-old "Eleanor" to pose as Ellen's new assistant and a senior nurse (respectively) at Dr. Ellen's hospital.

What follows is a light-hearted tale of romance lost and found again, as the angel, Ellie, and Eleanor try to persuade Dr. Ellen to rekindle a romance with an old boyfriend (who is now an architect leading a renovation at the hospital where Dr. Ellen works) and find her true self that she had buried that fateful night when she swore to never fall in love again. Complicating things are her new boyfriend, a shrewd businessman looking to capitalize on Dr. Ellen's miracle formula for curing spinal injuries, whom Ellen thinks she is in love with and who she thinks loves her, too. She must also learn to forgive her father and reconcile with him before Christmas Eve. On top of this, she is slated to be wed to her boyfriend on Christmas Eve and has begun making preparations.

After a powerful pharmaceutical executive forces her to skip her wedding in favor of presenting her miracle formula to investors, she begins to slide down the slippery slope of favoring her career over her true self. As she is presenting her formula to a room full of the pharmaceutical company's executives, she announces that her research is too valuable to keep to herself and offers her research materials - and the formula - for free to whomever wants to continue to develop the serum. This renders the formula worthless to the pharmaceutical company, who had hoped to cash in on licensing rights to other companies. In the confrontation that follows, she realizes what her new boyfriend's motives for being with her really were and has an epiphany.

She goes home to her parent's house and tearfully tells her father why she had hated him for so long, and forgives him. He accepts her apology and admits his wrong-doing, and says he never stopped loving her mother.

We then see her being married to her first love, Bobby, in a beautiful spring-time ceremony months later.

Generally, the acting is good and the pacing is keen. Even the bit supporting actors do a good job in their roles, and you never really see the ending coming even though you pretty much can predict the outcome. It would be easy to make this movie sappier and "heavy on the schmaltz", but the producers dial it back before it gets too thick, which is almost a shame because a good cry is why some people watch these movies. You never really hate any of the characters - nobody is evil, they just have different agendas - and so you never really cheer for one possible outcome over another.

Husband for Hire (2008 TV Movie)

Inspired by Latin soap operas; but without the talent

[5/10 · 1 February 2008]

"Husband For Hire" is a good idea executed with mediocrity, and the blame isn't just with the lead acting. I can only hope that Mark Consuelo's bad southern accent wasn't his idea, and if it was then it should've been caught by the director and changed to something closer to his normal tone. But this isn't the only distraction from an otherwise family-safe made-for-TV movie. Tempestt Bledsoe as the overworked, overstressed personal attorney popping speed pills to stay awake is an out-of-date gag that should be allowed to fade away back to the '80s, and shows that she's lost her comedic timing, not that she had to stretch her skills much on "The Cosby Show". Aside from poor performances, the poor timing between most of the jokes in the movie can be blamed on poor editing.

Most of the plot feels like it was derived from the light comedic fare popular in most Hispanic telenovels. There's the bride trapped in a wedding not of her choosing, the reluctant groom, the overbearing parent, the conniving sister, the clown sidekicks (literally), the jilted ex-lovers, the well-meaning assistants, the business empire, fancy cars, and designer clothes, and the age-old question of marrying for money or love. The only things missing from the recipe are the confused nun/priest and a cute kid or animal.

Erik Estrada and Nadine Vasquez turn in solid performances, as does Jayce Bartok as "Bread", the adopted white brother of Mark Consuelo's character Bo, who was adopted by white parents (which becomes a running gag in a racist jokeline that was overplayed). In fact, I think Jayce Bartok's comedic sidekick moments are the better pieces of fresh material in the whole movie. Mario Lopez is well cast as the "pretty boy" ex-boyfriend, and he plays up the Menudo jokeline well (it's good to see he gets to use his "Dancing With The Stars" experience). Slightly-built Kate Micucci also does a good job as the ex-girlfriend's sidekick, in a performance reminiscent of Don Knotts' work, if you like clown comedy.

Other than the aforementioned bits by Bartok and Lopez, there really isn't anything new for viewers of Telemundo daytime television, other than the script is written in English for us gringos.

Mission Over Korea (1953)

Hard to make an action war film with unarmed aircraft

[5/10 · 22 January 2007]

Slocum's and Pete's L5 observation aircraft are on their way to their airfield. As Slocum, the lead aircraft, radio's for clearance, he's told to divert to another airfield farther away. So he and Pete have to nurse their thirsty planes to the very extreme of their range. As the planes come in to land, they spot burning aircraft and dead bodies all over the runway. I'll admit, setting this up must've cost the filmmakers a nice bit of their operating budget unless the military "volunteered" some personnel and spare parts. In any event, they land and disembark, and as Pete comes rushing up to Slocum, a hidden North Korean with a machine gun (a drum-fed .45 Tommy gun, no less) starts shooting at them. Slocum manages to kill the hidden sniper with his Browning .45 automatic pistol at long range (nice shot!) and goes charging into the airside building where the sniper had been hiding.

There, he sees a young Korean boy (William Chun) tied up and shoeless. Just as the boy yells out, Slocum is attacked by a hidden soldier. As he is engaged hand-to-hand by the Communist, Pete gets jumped on by a Communist on the roof. Slocum manages to beat his attacker to death, grab a gun, and shoot the Communist attacking Pete (and miraculously the bullet doesn't go through the Communist and hit Pete). Slocum and Pete free William Chun and go to their airplanes to escape, just as some jeeps and a fuel truck drive up with armed US soldiers and the friend of Pete's dies in his arms on the runway. Cue sad violins.

OK, so stay with me here. Are we to believe that three Communists managed to lay waste to an entire airfield, take a prisoner, and hold off the US Army until two bush pilots show up? Hmmm.

One thing worth noting in this scene is some good stunt work on the part of the stunt pilot to taxi his plane within the camera shot, rotate on the starboard wheel, and hold without decapitating any of the "dead bodies" lying on the dirt runway around him. And kudos to the dead guys for having the discipline to lay perfectly still while getting blasted by prop wash, dirt, and stones while a metal blade spins within a few feet of their heads. Nice job guys. Some day the Oscars will actually give awards to stuntmen.

So Slocum and Pete are ordered back to their unit. While in transit, Pete starts thinking about his dead friend's letter, about how he had written that when flying its just him and the sun. So Pete starts climbing up, up towards the sun, dreaming about his dead friend, while Slocum is yelling at him over the radio to stay below the mountains. Sure enough, a squadron of Communist P-51 Mustangs (I think they're supposed to be Yak-9's, but they're P-51's with green paint and red stars) spots the little L5's and one of them dives down to attack. The Mustang makes a couple of high-speed passes, scores a few hits but nothing fatal. A stressed-aluminum Mustang is capable of going a lot faster than a little wood-and-cloth L5. Think "eagle vs pigeon". And a skilled pilot should've made short work of Pete's little bird. But somehow the L5 manages to go as fast as the Mustang, and during the low-level chase scene utility poles and moving traffic can be seen in the background - obviously this was filmed at some airport, probably in California or Nevada judging by the terrain. At any rate, Pete pulls a hard G turn which the Mustang can't match and the P-51 crashes into the side of the mountain. Way to go Pete! Slocum watches the whole thing and when they land he chastises Pete for disobeying orders and needlessly risking their units' only two flyable airplanes.

OK, now if I was an L5 pilot and I'd just gotten an enemy aircraft to crash, I'd call that a "kill" - verified by my wingman - and I'd have that big red star kill flag painted right underneath my windscreen. Does Pete? Nope. He just broods and walks away as Slocum goes to check in with the Command Post. But Pete's not done - he finds a bazooka lying around and has it mounted on his wing with a wire running from the trigger to his cockpit.

So Slocum and Pete are sent out on a recon mission, and they spot a group of camoflaged tanks. Slocum wants to radio it in for the artillery, but Pete decides to test his new bazooka. He dives in as Communist Hawaiians and Californians fire Browning .50cal MG's from atop Pershings at him. In probably the only realistic scene in the whole film, he misses wide left, gets his plane shot to pieces, and he crashes on the far side of the mountain. He manages to crawl out as Slocum circles overhead before returning to base.

Why didn't Slocum go down to rescue Pete? I guess the filmmakers wanted to create some tension between the characters, and abandoning your wingman would be a good way to do that. I know if I was Pete I'd be plenty steamed.

But Slocum isn't abandoning Pete completely. When he gets back to base he starts to tell the CO where Pete went down, but the CO stops him and tells him "Never mind about that now, I need you to deliver some medical supplies to a battalion cut off and surrounded over at these coordinates." OK, so what CO would abandon one of his only two skilled pilots? Hmmmm.

Anyway, you get the idea. If you're looking for cheap war fare, this isn't bad. But "Bridges At Toko-Ri" made 2 years later is much better. And it won two Oscars.