LightDarkness14

IMDb member since January 2011
    Lifetime Total
    10+
    IMDb Member
    13 years

Reviews

Trolljegeren
(2010)

Cheesy, but enjoyable.
I began this year by checking out a film that I didn't really like the first time I watched it. In fact, to be honest, I thought it was so lame that I didn't even finish it. However, after continuing to hear nothing but good things about it after all these years I decided I should give it another chance. This time I entered in with a more open mind, but this film still didn't impress me as much as I feel it should. Admittedly, I still have an incredibly hard time suspending my disbelief long enough to entertain that thought that trolls can exist. For me, this concept is not really scary and cannot really be taken seriously. That being said, this isn't a bad film. The effects are absolutely amazing for a low-budget picture. The CGI here puts it's American counterparts to shame. This is some of the best, most convincing CGI I've seen since Jurassic Park. And even though I find it somewhat cheesy, the concept of "Trollhunting" is original and fascinating. There's also a few scenes that are actually pretty suspenseful and the film closes out on a nice, aptly tongue-in-cheek moment. This isn't a great film, in my opinion, but it's an original, worthwhile endeavor that warrants a watch.

The Boogens
(1981)

Just what is a "Boogen" anyway?
This little film has gathered a sizable cult following and it's different from most horror films in the early eighties for one reason, it's actually a monster film. That's right, even among the age of countless slashers and cannibal pics, this little creature feature was a quiet success. And being a monster fan myself, I was eager to check it out. Sadly, while it's a solid effort, I can't give it a big thumbs up. This is a decent film, but that's all. The monsters are not fully shown until the end of the picture, but when they are you'll wish you'd have been able to see more of them. The creature design is awesome and the effects are fantastic for such a low budget film. Unfortunately, the monsters are given such limited screen-time, even towards the end, that they hardly feel there. Luckily, the characters are all genuinely likable and well acted. But for a film that was trying to be more original for it's day, the film plays it surprisingly safe. The mythology for the creatures is bone dry and almost non-existent. There's no explanation what-so-ever for what they are. And while that would have been fine in other films, it's just baffling here and only proves to make the film feel more shallow. Still, worth a watch if you like creature features or you're searching for an eighties horror flick that tries something different. Just don't expect anything great.

A Nightmare on Elm Street
(2010)

A good remake, but it's lacking something
Remakes have become commonplace in the last few years and unsurprisingly the genre that gets the remake treatment the most is horror. Some of these remakes are excellent (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ring, Dawn Of The Dead), some are horrible (Halloween, The Hills Have Eyes, My Bloody Valentine, Friday The 13th) and some are simply in the middle. The last is exactly were ANOES lands.

While the film is by no means bad there's plenty to dislike. I loathe the new back story and the film just has an un-finished, rushed feeling too it.

Freddy (as far as I'm concerned) is still creepy as ever, the actors are quite good, the cinematography is awesome and the film is one of the most creepy in recent years.

It has it's big flaws, but it's fun. What else is a horror supposed to be? 7/10

Friday the 13th
(1980)

The Weakest The 80's Has To Offer
A hit, a classic.....a piece of crap.

Going into F13 I had been told by numerous people that it was the best slasher ever made. I beg to differ and consider it one of the worst. Not only is the acting awful, characters completely devoid of interesting characteristics and the kills bland, but we never get to see the killer until the end.

I understand the reason we couldn't see the killer was because it would have given away the lame ending by showing who the killer was early, but the could have covered that horrendous actress with a cool costume.

Speaking of the final confrontation, it's rather weak and extremely lame.

The sequels are certainly worth the effort, but the first chapter is easily the worst. 2/10

Jeepers Creepers
(2001)

The Best Horror I've Seen
This won't actually be a real review, except to say this is simply the most amazing horror film I have yet to see.

And now, in defense of my favorite horror film ever, I will lay to rest some of the questions that have been posted on the message boards.

"Why don't we see the Creeper's weapons before the police car scene?"

Simply because he didn't need them before that. The reason you couldn't see them before was probably because of that long cloak he wears. He probably had the weapons inside it.

"Why are the characters so stupid?"

I honestly don't get anyone asking this one. These were simply some of the most intelligent characters I have seen in a horror film. Much more intelligent than the excuses for humans in popular horrors such as Saw, Hostel, Paranormal Activity or Insidious.

"What does the Creeper do with the boy's body? Why are his eyes missing?"

If you weren't listening to the dialog in a movie you're watching you must be pretty stupid. The Creeper wants eyes. He won't take a person's eyes unless he likes them.

"Why is it never explained what the Creeper is?"

Unless you're so socially withdrawn that you only go on the internet to make fun of great movies you'd know there was a sequel and another on the way. Director, Victor Salva probably wanted to finally explain everything in the third movie, that way he could make more movies in the series and not have them simply be sequels, but films with a purpose, moving up to the big finale. The third movie, where everything will probably be explained.

Now a question from me.

"Why do you have to analyze everything?"

Movies were made to watch for pleasure. They're supposed to be fun and a way to pass otherwise useless time. Why can't we just enjoy these movies and stop thinking so hard about things that don't matter. I supposed if you analyze movies like this, then you also think about why you need to eat food for 25 minutes before you take a bite of your cheeseburger as well, jackass.

Midnight Movie
(2008)

Making A Teen Slasher Scary Is Hard, But Midnight Movie Pulls It Off Like No Other
Sure, it's B-Grade, the killer's costume is awful and the acting isn't particularly good. But why do we need any of that in a slasher? Since the days of Scream the slasher has been my favorite sub-genre, and finding fresh new entries can be hard. That's why I was delighted to discover Midnight Movie.

The film takes it's time establishing characters and showing off it's creepy story. Speaking of which is quite interesting.

When things do pick up, they never stop coming. The gore is delightfully over-the top and the slightly stupid characters make for speedy, fun deaths. Unlike many others, I had no irks with the killer's weapon and thought the setting was brilliant.

However, MM is not for the feint of heart. Beforementioned gore and a helping of scary atmosphere and set pieces make things rather horrifying for the typical slasher fan. So proceed with caution, oh weak stomached viewers.

All in all, MM is fresh, inventive and delightfully insane. Everything you could ask for in a slasher.

Cloverfield
(2008)

Chilling, Original and Scary. One Of My Favourites.
Done in the same style as breakout 90's hit, "The Blair Witch Project" and directed by the creator of "Lost", Cloverfield may seem like a risky proposition. But you can be assured that this one is worth any time or money you invest in it.

I'm not such a big fan of the mockumentary style, that is quickly becoming common-place in the horror genre, but no film before has handled the style like Cloverfield. The camera style is not only used to create a more realistic feeling, but is also strategically used to build up tension and scares.

The characters and special effects are top-notch and the non-existent storyline only makes things scarier. We never truly discovered the truth of what that "thing" was and personally I hope we never do.

My motto for horror is, "The less you know, or the less sense it makes, the scarier it is." No film has carried that philosophy better than Cloverfield. 8/10

Black Christmas
(2006)

Even If You Go Into This Film Open-mindedly, You'll Still Be Disappointed
Being directed by Glen Morgan, director of the wonderful 2003 horror remake "Willard", I knew BC couldn't be taken seriously. It's about a grown man, who lives in walls and has yellow-skin that butchered his abusive family on Christmas Day. Now his old house is inhabited by prissy sorority sisters and he still resides in it.

After hearing all the negative press I was slightly skeptical of the film, and with good reason.

It's not the story or acting I dislike. It's the style.

From the beginning, the film is told in such a way, that it's difficult not to fall asleep. The kills are bland with few highlights and EVERYONE is so annoying you'll be rooting for the killer.

BC had potential, but it turned out to be stupid and boring. Don't dare watch it. 3/10

Scream 2
(1997)

The Definition Of A Sequel Done Completely Right
Having seen neither the first or third Scream's in all 14 years of my life it seems weird to most folks that I've started from the middle of the series. However with a little back story help from my Mother I can honestly say that Scream 2 out-does the original in every aspect. It's scarier, bloodier and more tense and clever.

As always the star-studded cast delivers a great performance and the final unmasking of the killer is done excellently.

The characters are quite likable as well, with great script-work and interesting chemistry thrown in.

All in all it's a great film and fans of the original certainly won't be disappointed. 9/10

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(2003)

Slick, Enjoyable and Intense. One Of The Best I've Seen
After several weeks of being too scared to pick this one up at my local rental shop I finally got the nerve a few months ago. Let me just say, it's a good thing I did.

TTCM is incredibly intense and sprinkled with likable characters and a rather invovlving killer. Never before have I been so afraid or awed by a serial killer as I am by Leatherface. He doesn't even need a back-story to be awesome.

The film starts off rather boring, but quickly picks up. Once the scares start, they don't stop. The ending is also one of those that has stuck with me since my first viewing.

Every horror fan needs to see this one. 9/10

Black Swan
(2010)

One Of The Most Utterly-Awful Movies To Come Out Recently
Black Swan is over-hyped, overrated and doesn't deserve no stinking award.

The film focuses a socially awkward young girl who wants to be a professional dancer/ballerina. Her teacher asks her to kiss him and then masturbate when she gets home and thus she begins to go crazy.

First off, who the heck goes crazy because the got a funny tingle between their legs? The characters are unlikeable and Natlie Portman was the only one to turn in a good performance.

But it's depiction of going crazy is completely ridiculous. It's nothing but sex. And as I've said before Masturbation doesn't make you go insane. Awful film. 0/10

My Bloody Valentine
(2009)

A Severely Mediocre Remake Of One Of The Finest The 80's Has To Offer.
The original MBV is one of my favorite horror films, so I had rather lofty hopes for the remake. And while not, awful it's certainly not very good.

MBV is one of THOSE kinds of slashers. The ones with a big-budget, terrible acting and an un-scary killer. It mediocre but slightly enjoyable. However not anything I'll ever view again.

Directed by the awful Patrick Lussier (whom we can thank for 2000's Dracula 2000) MBV is surprisingly badly acted for having such a big budget. It's like all the actors and actresses have boils on their tongues and it's hard for them to talk. The 3D is pretty cool, but nothing more than a little gimmick that hurts your eyes. No too mention the awful dialouge and horrific nude scene. (Sorry, I ain't a nude loving prick like most male-horror fans.)

However things ramp up towards the end and the movie almost becomes good. I have to admit the twist is also handled better than in the 80's original as well.

I can't bring myself to give MBV a bad score. But I don't really like it either. If you're a slasher fan like me, give both versions a watch. You'll see what I mean. 6/10

My Bloody Valentine
(1981)

MBV Wipes The Floor With Every Other 80's Slasher
The early 80's received a pile of interesting slashers. Time is cemented with the titles of such great films as The Burning, Halloween, The Prowler and the rather stupid Friday The 13th.

However criminally overlooked My Bloody Valentine is the best of them.

Lost inside F13's popularity in 1981, MBV went mostly unwatched. However it's unique premise and deliciously devilish kills deserved as much, if not more praise than those of F13.

Remade in 2009, the plot focuses on a mass murder legend in a small town on Valentine's Day. As always a group of teenagers decides to do something stupid and the supposed dead killer returns.

It's one of my favorite slashers, not without small flaws, but still entertaining and better than most the 80's had to offer. I highly recommend it over the severely mediocre remake.

Also, try to pick up the DVD version. It's got all the uncensored gore scenes. ;) 7/10

Penny Dreadful
(2006)

The Blair Witch Project Without The Witches And Shaky Camera
Being one of the more popular films from the After Dark Horrorfest lineup, I thought Penny Dreadful would be better. However, now I am assured that anyone who enjoys it is mentally unstable.

PD has a simple premise. A young girl named Penny is in the wilderness with her Pshycatrist trying to overcome her fear of cars, which stemmed from a childhood car accident. The characters are also, stupidly going to the place where the accident occurred to "Complete the circle." Along the way, they hit a hitchhiker and then her Pshycatrist gets the brilliant idea to give him a ride. He says nothing once inside the car, and just generally acts creepy. After dropping him off, the nightmare begins as he turns out to be a vicious killer. He has heard Penny discussing her fear of cars and decides to toy with her throughout the night, by locking her in the car, and forcing her to watch his rather bland murders.

It sounds interesting, I know. But it isn't. Most of the films time is taken up by people engaging in fascinating activities such as screaming, talking to dead people, screaming, over-dosing drugs when someone is trying to kill you, screaming, eating an apple, screaming and crying. Oh, yeah, and screaming.

I never thought I'd say this, but Black Swan's sexual portrayal of a descent into madness is better than this crap.

Who's afraid of immobile cars anyways? 1/10

The Deaths of Ian Stone
(2007)

Twilight For The Intelligent Viewer
It's about 7:00 and your date will be here in 30 minutes. Your scrambling around preparing things when you realize you forgot to rent a movie. You think something that's romantic, but a tad scary will be the best way to go. So once at your rental shop you pick up Twilight rather reluctantly.

Ya' idiot. You should have picked up The Deaths Of Ian Stone.

Part of the annual After Dark Horrorfest lineup, Deaths may seem like a risky proposition. If you've viewed some of the other Horrorfest titles you may be especially weary of it's quality. But Deaths is a rather pleasant surprise.

Easily the best out of the Horrorfest lineup, Deaths focuses on a young man named Ian Stone. Ian keeps waking up in different lives, living in different places with different jobs. However in each life he dies at the hands of some rather strange demons. There is also one girl, who remains in his life as he skips from life to life.

I won't wreck the plot and tell you the twist, but let's just say it's very romantic and almost made me cry. That's not to say Deaths doesn't have it's scary moments, including several scenes of intense gore and a rather short torture-porn sequence. However if you can put up with these things, you may find Deaths as one of your new favorite horror films. 8/10

American Psycho
(2000)

The beginning of the downfall, of the horror genre start with this awful porn film.
American Psycho is another one of THOSE movies. You know, the ones with a high-rating that just happen to suck.

Lots of people rant about the downfall of horror after 1999 and although I have a lot of favorites from the 2000's I have too say they speak the truth. Horror nowadays is basically bad acting, sprinkled with bits of gore and vulgar language. This horrible movement began with this film.

American Phsyco is about a 27 year-old business man named Patrick Bateman. Patrick is popular with his friends, drowns in women every night, dines at the most expensive restaurants and has a very nice business card. But what his co-workers don't know is that his smirk hides the life of a dedicated pshycopath.

The films holds your interest for a good while with scenes of gratious gore and plenty of black comedy, but it's not long before we realize that American Psycho is stuck in a time-warp. The same thing happens every day. Patrick goes to work, barely conceals his psychopathic alter ego from his friends, picks up a whore, has sex and then kills the whore. Our reward? To see him do it all over again, except next time with different bland dialouge.

AP had potiental, and some bits are interesting. But the final product is quite a mess. Horror fans should at least give it a viewing though. After all, some people enjoy crap. 4/10

Jennifer's Body
(2009)

A Nice Change From Recent Horrors
Renting Jennifer's Body and hearing all the bad things about it I was skeptical. Once I started watching I was instantly disappointed with the "Starting at the end" scenario. But things only get better from there.

The story revolves around Highschool student Needy, her boyfriend Chip and best friend Jennifer. After the club the two friends are in burns down, some mysterious rock stars offer to take Jennifer home. Needy sees her again that night, but discovers something is terribly wrong with her friend. I won't spoil the plot, but I'll say what happened wasn't too comely....and now Jennifer is possessed.

For some reason she focuses her attentions on seducing and then murdering boys. After setting her sights on Needy's boyfriend the sparks start to fly and a supernatural battle begins.

Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried both turn in worthy perfromances. The script teeters on the brink of being comical, but the blood and creepy symbolism keep things from getting too silly. The special effects are also quite well done.

If you can out up with some cheese in your horror flicks, and are looking for a good Horror date movie, Jennifer's Body is your best bet. Don't miss it. 8/10

Donnie Darko
(2001)

Moving, Disturbing and Funny, something you won't forget for a long time.
Going to my local, video rental shop, I thought I knew what to expect from Donnie Darko. A scary movie, that a lot of people really liked for some reason. And although the film can be scary, I was pleasantly surprised to find all my preconceived notions thrown out a window.

Donnie Darko is a beautiful, dark tale. One you won't soon forget. After watching the film, you'll either be quiestioning your role in the universe or scratching your head. Although gripping and intelligent the film can be incredibly confusing, whether this was intentional or not, I'm not positive. But I hated the film at first. However after viewing it for the second time, I grasped a hint of what the plot was about, and became a huge Donnie Darko fan.

What I'm saying is, you should probably watch Donnie Darko multiple times, otherwise your gonna' hate it. Just as I did the first time I watched Sorority Row. Which has now become one of my favorite slashers.

Donnie Darko is so expansive, and incredible that no one will want to leave the theater, until a second look. Your best bet's to buy or rent the DVD version. That way you can fully experience the masterpiece known as Donnie Darko. 10/10

The Breed
(2006)

The usually clichéd domain, of doggie horrors gets a run for it's money.
If you go into this flick, expecting a carbon copy of Cujo, except with multiple dogs, you'll be pleasantly surprised. The Breed is one of he more intelligent horror films of recent years, and from the beging things move at a nice, pace.

The flick takes it's time at first, introducing you to the island's surroundings and the protagnists. Speaking of which, are quite well developed and likable. Things seem okey-dokey, peachy-keen at first. But then we're introduced to th issue at hand. A pack of extremely vicious, genetically engineered dogs.

As in all doggie horrors, these dogs are surprisingly intelligent, but not nearly as scary as they should be. You'll have to turn off the lights if you want that effect. The actors are definitely not the next big things, but are good enough to help establish your fondness for the characters.

My only issue is this. One of the things that makes a horror flick scary are the protagonists. They need to be intelligent, but not so intelligent that they hardly ever fumble. Only 2 characters die in the movie. The rest go kick butt. This kind of ruins the effect, but the movie still delivers on big-time thrills, and edge of your seat action. The basement scene cannot be missed.

All in all, Wes Craven is back....and it's a welcome return. 7/10

Kaw
(2006)

Fun for a quiet Saturday Afternoon
First off let me say, Kaw isn't for everyone. Some might get sick waiting for the action to really start up and once you've watched an hour of the flick the birds can no longer hold your interest that well. But the main thing that separates this flick from the other Sci Fi original movies is the creepy atmosphere and superb acting.

As always, the creature effects aren't to grand and the writing is quite dry, but B-Movie lovers will see Kaw as a gem. I'd say it's renting material. But definitely not worth 13 bucks.

All in all the film definitely shouldn't be rented in hopes of watching a good remake of Hitchcock's "The Birds". But when there's nothing else to do on Saturday afternoon, Kaw is a great movie. 5/10

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