random_raven
Lifetime Total
1+
IMDb Member
20 years
Reviews
House of Wax (2005)
House of Wax = House of Pants!
There are not many film trailers that truly make my skin crawl, but I have to admit, the House of Wax trailer both terrified and intrigued me. I settled into my seat at the cinema, with my friends, all poised with our jackets at the ready, expecting to find my worse nightmare unfold before me on the screen: horrible wax works coming to life and trying to kill people (corny I know but that's just me!). However, I was frightfully disappointed to be watching a typical, road-trip, slasher flick of the "my car broke down so I'm forced to go into this creepy, deserted town" variety, where psychos NOT creepy moving wax works are doing the killing.
Whilst the gore was gory and the blood was bloody, I find, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, that what you don't see is far more chilling than what you do. A finger being chopped off or someone being decapitated is not scary and it certainly isn't anything movie goers haven't seen a million times before.
Encumbered throughout by Luke-warm acting, the story is mind bogglingly predictable and comes with the inevitable American schmaltzy, "Aaw gee" ending (even though the only two left standing are brother and sister!!). Might I also add, the terrible attempt at a cliff hanger, when you clumsily find out that there were THREE Sinclair children not TWO, (despite how incongruous that is with the beginning of the movie!!) with the creepy roadkill man being the third brother. Although the idea for this film could have been turned into a real spooky little gem, the cliché "teen gore fest" genre was not a wise choice. As I said before, subtle scares and leaving the killing to the imagination of the viewer, is a much better tactic for inciting terror than simply bathing the audience in blood.
However, despite the fact I only stayed in the cinema so as to not completely waste my money, I was kept awake by the brilliant music. In fact, the music (along with Paris Hilton's terrifying strip-tease!!!) was the scariest aspect of the film. It was proper horror movie music that, had I just been listening to that, would have scared me. All in all I don't believe this film even deserves a rating of 1 and I have only given it that rating because it won't let you use minus numbers! House of Wax = House of Pants!!!
Whilst the gore was gory and the blood was bloody, I find, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, that what you don't see is far more chilling than what you do. A finger being chopped off or someone being decapitated is not scary and it certainly isn't anything movie goers haven't seen a million times before.
Encumbered throughout by Luke-warm acting, the story is mind bogglingly predictable and comes with the inevitable American schmaltzy, "Aaw gee" ending (even though the only two left standing are brother and sister!!). Might I also add, the terrible attempt at a cliff hanger, when you clumsily find out that there were THREE Sinclair children not TWO, (despite how incongruous that is with the beginning of the movie!!) with the creepy roadkill man being the third brother. Although the idea for this film could have been turned into a real spooky little gem, the cliché "teen gore fest" genre was not a wise choice. As I said before, subtle scares and leaving the killing to the imagination of the viewer, is a much better tactic for inciting terror than simply bathing the audience in blood.
However, despite the fact I only stayed in the cinema so as to not completely waste my money, I was kept awake by the brilliant music. In fact, the music (along with Paris Hilton's terrifying strip-tease!!!) was the scariest aspect of the film. It was proper horror movie music that, had I just been listening to that, would have scared me. All in all I don't believe this film even deserves a rating of 1 and I have only given it that rating because it won't let you use minus numbers! House of Wax = House of Pants!!!
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
Brilliant!!
This is a fantastic movie full action, adventure, humor and a hell of a lot more! The film is 2 hours and 40 minutes long, but that time flies by as you are transported into an awesome world of swashbuckling and sword fights.
Johnny Depp's performance is one of his best ever as the slightly camp Captain Jack Sparrow. Even under his tangle of hair and blackened eyes, he will make you swoon and laugh both at the same time with his tonnes of witty lines and mannerisms. Orlando Bloom plays the love struck son of a pirate, Will Turner and play him he does! This roll highlights the diversity and skill shown by some of the greats. We will definitely see big things from him in years to come. In her second roll in big time flick, Kira Knightley plays kidnapped Govener's daughter, Elizabeth Swan. She is also another young, up and coming star with a bright future ahead of her.
The film may not be the most historically accurate pirate film of all times but all that is forgotten as you enjoy the brilliance of this marvelous movie. Did I also catch a subtle omage to the 1953 swashbuckler 'The Crimson Pirate' when Will and Jack walk underwater in an upturned rowing boat? Sneaky!
The only negative thing I have to say, and believe me I don't want to say it, is that fact we are never told the reason why the curse of the black pearl could only be broken by the blood of William Turner (Senior) and in turn by his son. Despite this plot flaw however, Pirates of the Caribbean is a magical journey that will drop the jaws of parents, children and grandparents alike. I'm definitely buying it when it come out on DVD!
Johnny Depp's performance is one of his best ever as the slightly camp Captain Jack Sparrow. Even under his tangle of hair and blackened eyes, he will make you swoon and laugh both at the same time with his tonnes of witty lines and mannerisms. Orlando Bloom plays the love struck son of a pirate, Will Turner and play him he does! This roll highlights the diversity and skill shown by some of the greats. We will definitely see big things from him in years to come. In her second roll in big time flick, Kira Knightley plays kidnapped Govener's daughter, Elizabeth Swan. She is also another young, up and coming star with a bright future ahead of her.
The film may not be the most historically accurate pirate film of all times but all that is forgotten as you enjoy the brilliance of this marvelous movie. Did I also catch a subtle omage to the 1953 swashbuckler 'The Crimson Pirate' when Will and Jack walk underwater in an upturned rowing boat? Sneaky!
The only negative thing I have to say, and believe me I don't want to say it, is that fact we are never told the reason why the curse of the black pearl could only be broken by the blood of William Turner (Senior) and in turn by his son. Despite this plot flaw however, Pirates of the Caribbean is a magical journey that will drop the jaws of parents, children and grandparents alike. I'm definitely buying it when it come out on DVD!