tomwalshco

Had no idea going in except the few bits of trailers I saw. Was expecting an epic thriller with a solid story line - instead... you get all the old stock, trite Australian perceptions.

• sage old Aboriginal grandfather who can listen to the birds sing and tell you when the second coming of Christ will be.

• the painfully cute, half breed boy that can outsmart NASA scientists. - the knock-down, drag-out Aussie bar brawls where everyone emerges 24 hours later as good as new without a scratch after getting smacked 10 times with a cricket bat and beer bottles.

• the jalopy that can carry 10 tons of supplies across 500 miles of blazing desolation without a backfire.

• the old lush that spews pearls of wisdom after falling off every bar stool he sits on.

• the proper English royal dame that can out-ride, out-fight, out-last any grizzled outback veteran.

• the kangaroos that appear out of nowhere in what looks like the middle of the Sahara Desert, and get shot for a delicious high-protein dinner.

• and of course, the chatter about stealing half-breed babies to make them more refined.

I thought this was a comedy 10 minutes in! Maybe it was. I couldn't bear to see the last half. I was ready to tie a cinder block around my neck and jump in the billabong......

This movie was awful. The worst since that damn Samurai thing from T Cruise.

The Queen's private office, the Oval Office, spelunking with the prez - come on, give me a break.

Of course, toss in romantic make-up ordeals with Voight, Mirren, Cage & Kruger and you can't get to the barf bag fast enough. The argument scene on the steps at Buckingham was so painful I had to hit the mute button.

Did you see Boy Wonder grab for a piece of gold in the cave and try to shove it in his knapsack? Given the size of that thing in real life it had to weigh 300+ lbs, but he was hoisting it around like a box of Cheerios. Jeez. I was half expecting Wile E Coyote & the Roadrunner to dash into the cave and save the day....

Most of the 3 Stooges movies I've seen in my life had better plots than this piece of crap.

I looked at the Yahoo movie review site for this turd and tons of people were giving this A+s. I thought I was reading a review for Gone With The Wind.

Oh yea, the oil they lit on fire has been trickling down those stairway troughs for 500 years??? Did the Mayans have circulating pumps at their disposal? Must have picked them up at Walmart or Home Depot.

I know this was supposed to be a light-hearted, action thriller, check your brain at the door thing, but it was just too painful in all categories.