Chalice_Of_Evil

The movie begins in 1973, where a pregnant Constance Webb (Kerry Bishé) is searching for a rare type of spider to help cure a disease it's later revealed her unborn child has when she's betrayed by the man assisting her, Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), who kills a bunch of people, shoots Constance in a scuffle, and steals the special spider she's caught. Peruvian spider people whisk her away and are able to deliver her child, but Constance doesn't make it (can't imagine why being bitten by a spider probably wasn't enough to save her...but it *does* have an effect on her child). Cut to 2003, where her grown-up daughter, Cassandra 'Cassie' Webb (Dakota Johnson), is working as a paramedic alongside Ben Parker (Adam Scott), brother-in-law to Mary Parker (Emma Roberts) who is pregnant with a certain future web-slinger. While attempting to save someone who's been in a car accident, Cassie's in an accident herself, plunging into water inside a car which triggers something and suddenly she starts experiencing future visions that start off very abstract, but then later are presented to us as watching the same events play out in a Final Destination-ish/Groundhog Day-esque kinda way. Going into this movie, I knew very little about the comic book character of Madame Web other than the fact that she's supposed to be a lot older than she's presented here.

Unlike others, I wasn't bothered by Dakota Johnson's casting one bit. She'd managed the impossible task of bringing some actual humanity to her character in the Fifty Shades movies, and I don't think she's given enough credit for her comedic skills in those. It's a shame she wasn't given more opportunity to show them off here, as she gets the odd sarcastic line, but the *one* genuinely amusing moment in the movie shows she can pull off physical comedy as well (the scene with her failed wall-climbing). Meanwhile, spider-enhanced Ezekiel's also seeing flashes of the future which show his death caused by three masked girls, and with the help of his technology assistant, Amaria (Zosia Mamet), he eventually tracks them down and tries to kill them before they can kill him. The only thing keeping them alive is Cassie...not that they make it easy for her by disobeying her simple safety instructions. Of the three, Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney) is easily the best/most likeable, as she's the one who expresses *appreciation* to Cassie for saving their lives, wants to listen to what she has to say and is empathetic, showing concern for/caring about others. She's actually NICE.

At the other end of the spectrum is Mattie Franklin (Celeste O'Connor), who right from her introduction, giving the finger to Cassie (who I was in total agreement with when she remarked, "Who flips off an ambulance? Kids these days!"), isn't very likeable at all. She also sits on tables in trains instead of the chairs, threatens to press charges against Cassie for stealing her skateboard (which was the only way Cassie could get her to move when she was in the process of SAVING HER LIFE) despite the fact that Mattie had just been antagonizing cops at the train station beforehand, eats the only food the girls have when they're dumped in the forest, and exposes them by not keeping her head down. It's not until fairly late into the movie that Mattie becomes tolerable, where she actually appears to have grown to *care* about the other girls (though her continual denying Cassie a high-five remains annoying, considering everything she does to keep them safe).

The third girl, Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced), is probably given the least amount of focus/development. She starts out being the most at odds with Mattie, but like all of them winds up being somewhat useful in the climactic battle against Ezekiel (though chest compression lessons are the REAL hero!). By the time all these women are working together as one, the movie's nearly over. The biggest 'negative' of this movie is its villain. Ezekiel's your typical cardboard cutout villain uttering unimaginative dialogue, but a better actor could've at least done SOMETHING with the material given. Unfortunately, Rahim brings nothing to the role except a gruff voice. He's about as boring a villain as they come. As usual with female-led movies, there're those over-exaggerating how 'bad' it is. I believe a lot of people trashing this movie went into it *wanting* to hate it (some probably even made up their minds about it as soon as it was first announced), but for those who were willing to at least give it a chance...I think the biggest disappointment is that it's not the superheroine movie we were led to believe.

While it's probably not what a lot of people were expecting, it's not as 'terrible' as it's being made out to be. It's just a different sort of movie to what had been presented in the trailers and it probably would've been better to advertise it as what is really is...which isn't so much of a 'superhero movie', but more just a movie about strangers coming together against a common enemy. Those who hate the SSU (Sony's Spider-Man Universe) or movies centred on female protagonists..this movie clearly isn't for you. Those expecting the three female characters to become the costumed superheroes we got glimpses of in the trailers will likely be disappointed since what was in those trailers is pretty much all you get of them suited up and with powers in the movie. Apart from two brief visions of the future (the first is early in the film and the second's at the very end), the three ladies remain normal, without powers/costumes. Really, if you removed all the spider-related stuff, it'd probably work as just a movie about a bad dude hunting women and them trying to stay alive. The lesson to be learned here is don't save all the actual costumed superhero stuff for a sequel you mightn't even get (which is likely going to be the case here).

I never read the books the original films, or this one, were adapted from. Consequently, I was somewhat lost at times and it almost felt as though this prequel needed its *own* prequel since characters acted like/referred to things as if we should know WHY they acted that way/what they were talking about. This is where book-readers will have an advantage over non-book-readers, as they'll *know* why certain characters are acting the way they do with others, etc. Of course, the downside to being a book-reader is that you'll no doubt be overly critical about every little detail, things you imagined differently, changes made, and things left out or added in. The benefit I had was judging this movie solely based on its own merits, coming into it fresh and with little idea of what would be happening (other than seeing the origin of how Snow turned evil).

The movie's broken up into three parts titled 'The Mentor', 'The Prize' and 'The Peacekeeper'. Tom Blyth as a pre-Donald Sutherland version of Coriolanus Snow proves himself a capable leading man, as his character goes through quite the journey in the film and he rises to every occasion, playing all the different facets of Snow's personality in his early life. He starts out as someone whose main motivation is a monetary prize, but then this 'rebel' (who's referred to as such on more than one occasion) becomes invested for more personal reasons in the survival of the tribute he's selected to play mentor to: Lucy Gray Baird (Rachel Zegler). I feel some have been unfairly critical of Zegler's performance, letting the things she's said in interviews (that've rattled some feathers...but have absolutely *nothing* to do with how she plays her character here) colour their judgement. I personally thought she held her own against Blyth's Snow admirably. As Lucy Gray describes herself, she's 'not made of sugar', and this becomes abundantly clear during her introduction when she drops a snake down the back of a girl's dress. Then later, during Lucy Gray's first meeting with Coriolanus, she eats a petal off the white rose he presents her with (which definitely leaves an impression).

People have complained about 'too much singing' in the movie (but it's RIGHT THERE in the title: 'The BALLAD of SONGbirds & Snakes'), but don't be scared of the singing...the movie's not a 'musical' like some have made it out to be. While Zegler certainly puts the 'song' in 'songbird' by providing the majority of the film's soundtrack, it's part of her character (and actually an important plot point). Plus, she can really hold a tune...so why the complaining? It'd be one thing if she sang BADLY, but she gives the songs her all, putting emotion/feeling into every one (and it's not over-polished, which is appreciated). The film rests mainly on these two actors' shoulders, and I personally found their scenes together to be the most compelling parts of the movie. Lucy Gray starts out not trusting Coriolanus, but he shows her on more than one occasion that he isn't without heart and gradually she grows to trust him, as they work together to ensure her survival in the Hunger Games.

Another stand-out in the cast is Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius "Lucky" Flickerman, weatherman and aspiring magician (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Stanley Tucci's Caesar Flickerman from the original films), as his reporting the weather while kids are dying in the arena provides some morbid humour at one point (really, he's the only source of 'humour' in the film). Head Gamemaker, Dr. Volumnia Gaul is a frightful sight (her makeup's seriously unnerving) and you can't help but wonder if the reason everyone's so hungry is because Viola Davis keeps devouring all the scenery. Her rainbow of snake muttations are a colourful way to take out the stragglers when there is only a handful left. Speaking of, I remember the acting for the tributes who weren't Katniss (whose name I was surprised to learn the origin of in this film) or Peeta in the original films was pretty sketchy...and it hasn't really improved this time around. Other than one or two who make the most of their limited screentime (that we either feel sorry for, as they're practically Dead Meat Walking, or are shown to be more three-dimensional than they first appeared), the majority feel barely above CW teen drama levels in the acting department.

Much better are other supporting characters such as Dean Casca Highbottom (Peter Dinklage, continuing to play characters who drink and know things...that is until the end when he *doesn't* know something, which proves fatal), Sejanus Plinth (Josh Andrés Rivera, playing a friend of Coriolanus and a fellow mentor who won't stand for the Games' barbarity...which also proves fatal) and Tigris (Hunter Schafer, playing cousin to Coriolanus...or 'Coryo' as she calls him, who I found particularly interesting to watch and really enjoyed her scenes with Blyth's Snow). Something this movie has definitely stepped up from the previous films is the brutality of the Games, as there's no shortage of death (so don't get too attached to anyone). I also found the themes explored in the movie felt more 'mature' and there was a complexity that you might miss the intricacies of if you're not paying attention.

Although it may seem like the film loses some steam in its third part, it's necessary to show that things aren't all fine and dandy after the Games are over with. The relationship between Coriolanus and Lucy Gray is not one that's wrapped up in a nice neat little bow. There's an open-endedness that may frustrate some people, but the important thing is that by the film's end...The President Snow of the future has been born/created. On the whole, I found the movie held my attention throughout (not a small feat considering its runtime) and I liked it better than the first, third and fourth previous films. Only the second film, Catching Fire, would I rank higher than this one.

I was basically given little choice but to see this movie at the theatre due to Disney discontinuing the release of any movies/TV shows on DVD/Blu-ray where I am (not to mention Doctor Who, which they now own, will no longer screen on free-to-air TV for the first time since it began here. Thanks a BUNCH, Disney!). I refuse to basically be bullied into getting Disney+, and consequently have missed out on ALL the Marvel shows. So when the first trailer for this movie made it seem like 'The Ms. Marvel & Photon Movie (guest-starring Captain Marvel)', I wasn't overly enthused since it was Carol/Captain Marvel who I wanted to see more of (after actually having *liked* her first film...'unpopular' as that opinion may be), whereas I knew nothing about these other two.

The movie begins with Kree warrior, Dar-Benn (sorry, SUPREMOR Dar-Benn), digging up an all-powerful bangle (someone really needs to round up all these powerful magical items in the universe and hide/destroy them so villains can't keep getting their mitts on them), while the other one is in the possession of Captain Marvel fangirl, Kamala Khan/Ms. Marvel (just as well I'd at least seen the trailers for her TV show via YouTube and thus was prepared, otherwise I probably would've been wondering WTF was up with the animated daydream sequence). Meanwhile, Carol's living a pretty solitary life in space (with only that scene-stealing Flerken, Goose, as company), though she can at least communicate with Fury. For those who felt Carol was 'too serious'/'lacked personality' previously (give her a break, she had AMNESIA!), she seems to have more life in her now and her dynamic/friendship with Fury remains as entertaining as ever...that is until she sticks her hand in some "mysterious glowing sh#t", then he becomes none-too-pleased with her.

Though she's not the only one, as Kamala and Monica Rambeau (daughter of Carol's old friend, Maria) make the same mistake, causing all three to unintentionally switch places whenever they use their powers...making for something 'different' with the fight scenes to what we've seen before, as the characters are constantly doing swapsies whilst fighting bad guys, trashing Kamala's house as a result (on the upside, she eventually gets to meet her hero and fangirls out, apologising for the copyright infringement on the Captain Marvel name with her self-appointed 'Ms. Marvel' and determined to give Monica a superhero name too). Once the three 'Marvels' come together, it's fun seeing them interact and the different dynamics they have. There's the uncomfortable tension between Carol and Monica (who's mad at Carol for not being there to support her following the death of her mum, Maria. Um...she was busy SAVING THE UNIVERSE, cut her some slack!), while Kamala learns to tone down her hero-worship of Captain Marvel, after witnessing Carol making the tough decision to abandon some Skrulls (rescuing the ones she can) after Dar-Benn's attack.

It's not easy being Carol, who gets blamed for EVERYTHING, is met with suspicion/hostility by Kamala's family (who I understand being concerned for Kamala, given her age/the fact she's involved in stuff that could get her KILLED, but they seem fine with Monica, whilst resenting Carol, and they wear a bit thin after a while), and although Carol's the one to defeat Dar-Benn, it's Monica who gets the 'big hero moment' at the end, closing the hole to another reality that Dar-Benn ripped in space. It almost feels like Monica's the lead, while Carol's just there to support her. Eventually Monica learns the real reason Carol wasn't around (after destroying the Supreme Intelligence, which had unintended consequences that led to Dar-Benn's planet dying and now she's stealing resources from other planets to save hers, Carol felt too ashamed to return) and forgives her 'aunt'. Still, the last scene of the movie (mid-credits) is all about Monica reuniting with her mum from the other reality she gets trapped in (Kelsey Grammer also makes a cameo as Beast, looking better/more Beast-like than he did in his previous appearances) and so this Captain Marvel sequel's ending isn't even *about* Captain Marvel.

I waited around for a post-credits scene, but was just met with a blank screen and what sounded like a Flerken barfing up something. Speaking of, Goose once again proves to be the TRUE hero by hatching a litter of Flerken kittens whose ability to swallow not just objects, but people as well (whilst keeping them ALIVE), proves crucial...though too bad this wasn't thought of when the Skrulls needed rescuing. As previously mentioned, Brie Larson's much more 'livelier' in her performance this go-around (though she also gets some decent emotional/dramatic moments), this was my introduction to both Teyonah Parris's Monica (who spent the majority of her time spouting technobabble/science gibberish and I wasn't that fussed on until after she forgave Carol, then she got more likeable) and Iman Vellani's Kamala (who's entertaining, even if she overdoes the screaming/"Oh my God!" exclamations a bit...though at least it's warranted when she sees what Goose can do for the first time) and I appreciated the montage of the trio teaching themselves how to work with the whole swapping-places-whilst-using-their-powers thing.

Zawe Ashton as Dar-Benn (who's much more fetching than her Smurf predecessor) did what she could playing yet another MCU villain who's doing BAD things for what is, in their mind, 'the right reasons', but when the 'Marvels' show her mercy/try to do her a solid, she threatens Kamala's life, then goes all kamikaze (what is it with Accusers exploding? First Ronan, now her...find another way to die!). It's a shame that test audiences apparently didn't respond well to an extended sequence on a planet populated by people who communicate through song (I imagine it got trimmed), as it was actually one of the movie's more memorable/fun scenes. I personally feel the OTT hate for this film is unwarranted, as it actually wasn't as bad as I'd feared (and with a ringing endorsement like THAT, how can you *not* want to watch it?).

As if it weren't bad enough that Disney stubbornly refuses to release any of the MCU TV shows on DVD/Blu-ray anywhere in the world, now they've made it personal by announcing they're discontinuing DVDs/Blu-rays of *anything* being released in my country (and ONLY my country), with their final release being GotG Vol. 3 (seriously, they couldn't have made it something I'd actually want to watch?). So, if I wanted to see this movie, my options were wait several years for it to be on TV (I could've been DEAD by then!) or go see it at the theatre. Normally I'd have gone on opening day, but wasn't able to. After that, I wasn't feeling overly motivated to and was just going to wait for it on DVD/Blu-ray...but thanks to Disney, I no longer had that option. There's been much debate over CGI de-aging of actors, but it was fine here with Harrison Ford's Indy in a longer-than-expected flashback. Obviously they felt the de-aging would hold up to scrutiny, and for the most part it does (there were only a couple of times it felt slightly off). Toby Jones plays Basil Shaw, another in an apparently long line of Indy offsiders (and kind of useless...until he finally isn't). What surprised me was how not-terribly-exciting I found the whole opening sequence. While there's thankfully no 'nuke the fridge' moment, it stretches credulity how Indy miraculously survives being thrown about and an explosion directly beneath him whilst his neck's in a noose.

Sadly, things don't get interesting until a good way through the movie. Before that, we catch up with old man Indy, who yells at his noisy neighbours, baseball bat in hand (I can relate), and is unaware that the only person attending his classes who actually KNOWS ANYTHING is his goddaughter, Helena Shaw (Phoebe Waller-Bridge), wishing to pick up where her father left off in search of this film's MacGuffin, the Antikythera (designed by Archimedes). After she reintroduces herself to Indy, it's not long before she's leaving him behind at the mercy of bad guys. While there is some action involving a parade and Indy riding a horse, I personally felt things didn't really get going until the scene that begins at a Tangier hotel, where Helena's attempting to auction off the half of the Dial she nicked. Regarding their two characters, I did feel they had a decent dynamic going on between them and Helena/Waller-Bridge isn't nearly as annoying as Willie was in Temple of Doom. People like to exaggerate the 'feminism' stuff, but she's just as 'feisty' as Marion was and has her moments where she acknowledges she's said/done something wrong. One of very few 'emotional' moments in the movie is during a scene where she asks what Indy would do if he could go back in time (which turns out to be the Antikythera's power) and he talks about the death of his son, Mutt (as if you needed more reason to watch this film, Shia LaBeoufhead's irritating character from the last movie unceremoniously being killed offscreen should be motivation enough. No more crappy CGI vine-swinging alongside monkeys for him!).

While the character of Teddy (this film's version of Short Round, who some people are making out Teddy can't hold a candle to...but I think they're forgetting just how thoroughly annoying that kid was and are only forgiving of him now because the actor who played him grew up to kick butt in Everything Everywhere All At Once and won an Oscar) isn't really necessary, at least he proves himself *useful* (just don't bother questioning how this thief can fly a plane with no prior experience) and doesn't YELL ALL HIS LINES like Short Round did. It's too bad Sallah wasn't the third member of the team instead (while it's good to see John Rhys-Davies return in the role, he's out of the movie pretty quick and only returns at the very end). Still, at least he doesn't feel as wasted as Antonio Banderas does playing yet another old friend of Indy's. What was the point of him exactly? Same can be said for Mason, the most unlikely FBI Agent to be working with German scientist/astrophysicist and "former" Nazi, Jürgen Voller (Mads Mikkelsen, who can basically play a villain in his sleep by this point). Rather than so many side characters, I think the movie would've been better to just focus on Indy and Helena's relationship, as it seems like we're only just getting a feel for them as a pair by the time the film reaches its conclusion.

Speaking of...yes, there *is* time-travel involved (and yet it's still somehow easier to swallow than aliens). There have been eyeroll-worthy objections to Helena 'robbing Indy of his agency' in the scene where he just wishes to be left to die in the past (after actually meeting Archimedes himself), but Indy was being a stubborn fool who was risking screwing up reality, so her punching his lights out to get him back to his time was warranted. Likewise, people may be disappointed that the baddie doesn't suffer a horrific fate like main villains of the past films, but it's more about him realising how screwed his grand plan is (and, hey, if that isn't enough...we see his crispified corpse later). In the end, things are made 'right' again when Indy gets back together with Marion (complete with callback), after their marriage fell apart following Mutt's death. Anyone worrying about Helena taking over from Indy needn't get their panties in a bunch if the final shot of him snatching his iconic fedora off a clothesline is any indication. While this movie certainly doesn't reach the 'classic' status of Raiders or Last Crusade, the best praise I can give it is that at least it's not as ridiculous as Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (which, much like the Star Wars prequels, it seems people are now pretending is some misunderstood masterpiece) or as gross as Temple of Doom. It's not 'bad'...just kinda boring.

Considering all the heinous things Ezra Miller's guilty of, I felt conflicted about seeing this film...but in the end decided that everyone else involved with the film didn't deserve to be punished for Miller's crimes by having their hard work boycotted. Also, I've been waiting since the 1984 Helen Slater movie to see the character of Supergirl on the big-screen again. That and the return of Michael Keaton's Batman were the main draws...and it's not until they appear that this movie really gets going. The first hour or so is quite the slog, as you're forced to sit through Miller's Barry/Flash and the painful so-called 'humour' that accompanies his character (if you found him annoying *before*...this won't change that), Batfleck attempting a Bale-style Batman growl, a drawn-out effects sequence involving raining CGI infants that'll probably coin the phrase 'microwave the baby' (becoming the new 'jump the shark'/'nuke the fridge') and a dull underdeveloped romance with Barry's love interest, Iris West. The only bright spot? Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman, who's the gift that keeps on giving, her Lasso of Truth providing an actually genuinely amusing moment before she flies off to continue being awesome (and hopefully NOT be erased by James Gunn 'rebooting' the DCEU, since she was one of the only good things to come out of it).

Turns out the three certainties in life are death, taxes and Barry Allen messing up timelines/the multiverse, as He-Of-The-Funny-Run runs SO fast that he time-travels back to prevent the death of his mother and clear the name of his father blamed for her murder...which is all connected to a can of tomatoes (yes, REALLY). As if his running didn't already look ridiculous, just imagine him doing that on the spot to give us a glimpse of what moving through time looks like inside the 'Speed Force'. As to why the figures look overly-CGI'd in this sequence, I imagine it's because CGI is the only way to give us glimpses of previous incarnations of certain characters towards the film's end (most of which I was spoiled for and one of whom is a dearly departed actor, which I'm sure will further fuel the debate regarding CGI resurrecting people...but I was so surprised/over-the-moon to see his character's cousin right there alongside him that I was willing to forgive it). Think things would immediately improve upon Barry's time-travelling? Think again. Now we're stuck with TWO of him (the younger of which acts like he was dropped on his head as a child).

I guess it'd be unfair to not acknowledge Miller doing an adequate job portraying two versions of Barry...but honestly? Once you've seen Tatiana Maslany's phenomenal work in the TV series Orphan Black, all other actors-portraying-multiple-versions-of-themselves pale in comparison. Prepare yourself for plenty of exposition throughout the film, as there's hardly a scene without any from this point on. It's one bungle after another for the Barrys, as recreating the lightning/chemicals accident that gave Future Barry his powers so Past Barry gets them too results in Future Barry losing his. With no Diana or anyone useful existing in this new timeline, they seek out Bruce Wayne...but it ain't Batfleck. Enter Keaton (or at least his stunt double), looking decidedly homeless (despite still living in his Tim Burton movie mansion restored to its full gothic glory), kicking the Barrys' butts until they annoy him into helping them. He then attempts to explain how Future Barry has effed things up with an awkward/painful-to-watch spaghetti metaphor.

Those who've waited to see another outing from Keaton's Batman almost as long as I've waited to see a new big-screen Supergirl will finally get what they've been longing for when he suits up to aid the Barrys in freeing Superman from a Russian prison...though once again, it's not who they expect and we're instead introduced to Sasha Calle's Kara Zor-El/Supergirl. With Ezra Miller's crimes threatening to overshadow this project, I felt sorry for all involved...but especially Sasha Calle, since this was supposed to be her big debut, bringing a new version of Supergirl to life after the character had previously only been seen on the small-screen (in the series Smallville, and then later, Supergirl) since the 1984 movie. Calle's interpretation of the character is quite different from that of Helen Slater's, Laura Vandervoort's or Melissa Benoist's. This Kara hasn't really anything to smile about after humans immediately locked her up upon her arrival to Earth. However, she learns that not ALL people are d*cks (speaking of, all the references Barry makes to that particular appendage in the movie weren't funny...despite the writers apparently thinking they were) and agrees to help the Barrys, plus Keaton's Batman, stop General Zod invading Earth (which, oh yeah, is another result of Future Barry's screw-up).

While I appreciated seeing Supergirl kick serious butt, I was disappointed the display of her powers we were treated to was only the bare minimum. On top of that, she's defeated by Zod not once, not twice...but OVER AND OVER AGAIN (I'm sure those who dislike female superheroes will get their jollies from watching that), which I thought was a shockingly disrespectful way to treat the debut of a new Supergirl. Sasha Calle deserved better! Also criminally underused is Antje Traue's Faora-Ul (who was the ONLY part of MoS that I actually *liked*). She made a more menacing villain than Zod previously and I was looking forward to more of her...but this time around she's barely featured/not even given any dialogue before being easily dispatched. SUCH a waste (on the plus side, Cavill's Superbland receives similar unceremonious treatment, which will surely upset the Cult of Cavill). The treatment of Supergirl/Faora is just one example of what annoyed me about this movie. For every 'good' bit, there were umpteen 'bad' bits (Aquaman's post-credits scene, drunkenly collapsing facedown into a puddle of water outside a bar, perfectly sums up the current state of the DCEU). The only recommendation I can make regarding this movie is come for the Keaton, stay for the Supergirl.

Or, as it's titled on TV where I am, 'A Company of Wolves' (though when the film starts, the title that comes up onscreen has 'The' in place of 'A'. I don't know why anyone would object to the word 'The'). This is probably my favourite werewolf movie ever. Though I never did realise that the lead character's name was RosaLEEN, as when anyone said her name, it always sounded to me like RosaLEE. It wasn't until sometime later when looking at the IMDB page for the movie I discovered what her name actually was (or maybe I discovered it when watching the end credits. I forget).

What I love about this movie first and foremost is the 'atmosphere'. It's downright unsettling throughout. I first watched this movie when I was quite young-ish, so that's probably why it had such an impact on me. There were quite a few truly disturbing moments in the film, the most obvious one being the face-ripping-off werewolf transformation. That was fairly disturbing when I first saw it, plus it was totally unexpected that it was going to get so gruesome (the movie was on during the middle of the day when I first watched it on TV, so not exactly the time to be expecting to see something like THAT). Another disturbing moment (not so much now, but still somewhat unnerving) was Angela Lansbury getting decapitated and her head shattering like a vase. That was certainly 'WTF'-worthy. On rewatch, though, it was just sort of morbidly amusing.

I remember when I watched the movie for the first time, I found Sarah Patterson pretty alluring as Rosaleen. She had this quality about her that made her almost seem 'otherworldly' (which, given all the other strangeness in the movie, was probably appropriate). She'd sometimes act a certain way that made me wonder what was going through her head (nevermind the fact that she was told repeatedly by Granny to stick to the path and avoid men whose eyebrows met in the middle...and she pretty much ignored that advice in the end and got cozy with one such creepy unibrowed dude).

When I first watched the film, I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the young guy who clearly had the hots for Rosaleen in the movie. She wasn't overly nice to him. However, on rewatch, I found him to be rather irritating (and he just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer/take the hint that she just wasn't that into him. I guess there's a reason he was credited as 'Amorous Boy'. The scene where Rosaleen (or rather, some other version of her) arrived in the white limo, dressed in white and sporting a blonde wig, along with Terence Stamp as the Devil, I found rather unsettling when I first watched the movie. The way the kid practically unhinged his jaw as he was yelling "Noooo!" over and over was particularly weird.

I also much preferred that they went for 'normal' wolves with glowing eyes than trying to create some sort of monstrous beasts that simply did not work. It was probably cheaper just to add the 'glowing effect' to the eyes of them anyway. This was also the first time I'd ever seen a werewolf transformation done where the wolf snout emerged from the human mouth. It wasn't until much later in time that the TV series Hemlock Grove came along and did this as well, having somewhat 'refined' the effect (and added even more grossness), though I'll always remember this movie as being the first (that I know of) one to do it (then again, I haven't seen that many werewolf movies, so maybe others beat them to it. I wouldn't know).

I liked that the movie was just basically made up of big sets. I've grown so tired of CGI settings/scenery in things now, that I really appreciated how 'real' the sets felt in this movie. If done right, they can make you buy into the world which the characters inhabit (even if, on closer inspection, you might be able to see the 'fakeness' of it all). I never saw 'sets', just this world in which Rosaleen was part of...and what a strange/scary world it was. I also liked that there were separate little stories within the main story of the film. They added to what was already an unsettling feeling to the movie, I thought. The wedding scene was kind of creepy, but at the same time sort of had a 'lightness' to it as well (might've been the music). Regarding the music/score used, I thought it added SO much to the film. It helped give an 'eerie' feeling throughout...but especially at the end.

Speaking of the ending...I think it could be debated whether the entire film is 'all a dream' or not, but the first question asked on the movie's IMDB page in the FAQ section has a really good, solid answer that I think explains the narrative structure of the film and what is/isn't a dream. All I know for sure is the ending always kind of freaked me out. Yes, it may 'just' be wolves busting through glass and paintings to enter Rosaleen's room as she's asleep, but the whole atmosphere throughout the film is unsettling, and that combined with the music playing as the pack of wolves run up to her room and Rosaleen's bone-chilling scream, are why I find the ending so effectively creepy. Up until this point, Rosaleen had seemed pretty 'chill'/rather calm around wolves (although that may have been because she thought it was a dream up until the end where the dream seemed to bleed into *actual* reality).

Anyway, I just find the ending very effective with its eeriness (it gives me shivers every time), I like how the film plays around with dreams and reality, blurring the lines between the two, and that's why it remains my favourite werewolf film.

Fittingly, the Ant-Man films have always been 'smaller scale' MCU films. Much like how Ant-Man himself can grow from small to GIGANTIC, what started out as a little heist film about a divorced ex-con named Scott Lang has now become something multiverse-threateningly HUGE. While some might miss the 'smaller stakes' of the original, this is just natural progression. I've always been fond of Scott, and he remains a likeable guy who *isn't* an a-hole/egotistical jerk (unlike certain other Avengers...who shall remain lifeless), but someone who cares about others, stands up for 'the little guy' and does what needs to be done for the greater good even if it means self-sacrifice. Although at the start of this film he's basking in the warm glowing warming glow of the fame that comes with being an Avenger, he remains NOT a jerk thanks to his family who bring him back down to Earth/keep him grounded. This includes his daughter, Cassie (whose life he missed out on 5 years of thanks to being stuck in the Quantum Realm), Hope van Dyne (who he's got a good relationship going on with) and her parents, Hank Pym & Janet van Dyne.

When Cassie, who proves herself quite adept at SCIENCE like Hank, unintentionally causes a signal to contact someone from Janet's past in the Quantum Realm...the family of five gets sucked into it. The journey's as trippy as you'd expect, and if nothing else, the Quantum Realm allows for craziness UP THE WAZOO, as we're treated to all manner of weird and wonderful sights including truly bizarre flora and fauna, living buildings (that are suspiciously phallic-like in appearance) with tentacles, a past character we thought lost who's undergone some interesting changes...and Bill Murray (basically playing Bill Murray). Last time Janet was here, she unwittingly helped someone who turned out to be Kang the Conqueror. He was banished (which she didn't know until *after* she'd helped him) and almost got free, but she trapped both herself and him in there until she was freed in the second movie. Now she's back, he wants a gizmo that she made unusable (thanks to those helpful Pym Particles) put right again so he can use it to escape and destroy the multiverse or whatever...you know, the usual bad guy life goals.

Scott finally gets some bonding time with his daughter, though probably not quite in the way he was hoping for. At one point he utters that instantly iconic line from the trailer: "I don't have to win...we both just have to lose." as he's getting beaten, and that's what I think makes Scott Lang/Ant-Man a true hero. Although he's fighting a battle he can't possibly win against an all-powerful enemy, he's willing to remain defiant/fight for the people he loves (as well as everyone else) until his last breath. Also, Paul Rudd's just so easily likeable as Scott. Meanwhile, Hope (Evangeline Lilly, sporting a new super-short 'do. It's more 'practical' for fighting...but I preferred her previous hair) remains Ant-Man's equal as the Wasp when it comes to mastering the shrinking/enlarging fighting-style. These two have been through a lot and it's nice to see them working together like a well-oiled machine. She and Ant-Man are true partners, helping/saving each other at various times, and Hope proves herself just as selfless as Scott towards the film's end.

Cassie (previously played by Emma Fuhrmann, who I personally thought did a lot with a little during her all-too-brief appearance in Avengers: Endgame, managing to create a very *real* effectively emotional moment with Rudd during their reunion scene), has been recast with Kathryn Newton (who's come a long way since her recurring role on the TV series Supernatural among other things). This version of Cassie is clearly smart...except when she isn't, but that's not really her fault since she didn't have all the necessary information to prevent her mistake she makes at the start of the movie (when will MCU characters learn that keeping secrets is BAD?). In between father-daughter-bonding, with occasional typical moody teen behaviour and getting in on the action with a suit of her own (she can handle herself in a fight just like the others), Cassie at least *admits* to her mistakes/tries to make up for them. She's certainly not the worst of the 'younger' generation of characters we've met in the MCU thus far.

As for the 'older' generation, Hank/Janet (along with Hope) catch up on the time they lost together as a family in amongst all the craziness going on. They each have a role to play/get to be awesome in their own ways (Hope's aforementioned kicking butt, Hank coming to the rescue at a pivotal moment and Janet handling herself admirably without the aid of a suit). Michelle Pfeiffer especially gets to shine, as we see the weight of what Janet's been carrying with her all this time and she goes toe-to-toe/holds her own against the film's villain (make no mistake, he *is* the VILLAIN. No sob story excuses killing trillions, which Janet rightly points out to him). I've seen much praise for Jonathan Majors' performance as Kang, and I'll admit that when I watched the first trailer for the movie, he did give off a quietly menacing vibe that was rather effective (better than those OTT villains who have to YELL all their lines). However, his taking-a-really-long-time-to-say-anything-and-get-to-the-point (he's like an Ent that way) got rather old/tiresome after a while and I think some have overpraised him a bit by claiming he's the 'best part' of the movie. He's a formidable foe...but still one I wanted to see Scott defeat.

There's been conflicting opinions about this film, some praising it and others condemning it (yes, there's lots of CGI...but that's to be expected given they're in the QUANTUM REALM). While it does go overboard at times, that's par for the course. It's still a decent entry in the story of possibly the most underappreciated Avenger in the MCU and it definitely feels like there's more to tell.

The opening for this episode was certainly flashy/action-packed with the space train. It surprised me that Dan was written out so early on. I wondered if John Bishop wasn't available to film much, whether he didn't wish to or whether Chibnall just couldn't find a way to fit Dan into the story with so much else going on. I never felt we got a real good handle on what the Doctor/Dan dynamic was, unlike the Doctor/Yaz dynamic (I guess that's one of the downsides to only being a Companion for nine episodes). At least he appeared at the end again, so that was something, but I felt his departure/the Doctor's non-goodbye to him felt a bit weird (at least he had a proper goodbye with Yaz). However, Jodie Whittaker totally conveyed everything the Doctor felt about Dan leaving (after he decided he'd had one too many close calls/near-death experiences) with the look on her face. We didn't really need any dialogue from her, as her expression said it all.

Having never watched 'Classic Who' myself, I didn't really know the characters of Tegan and Ace (other than from the bits and pieces I'd seen of them in various DVD extras/documentaries about the show). I ended up liking Ace a bit more than Tegan for two reasons: 1) The acting from the actress who played Tegan, at least in her first scene, kind of took some getting used to...I guess that was how she played her part back in the day? For me it felt somewhat 'off'. 2) Ace didn't seem quite so 'harsh' towards the Doctor (though it was clear Tegan had her reasons for holding a grudge). The Tegan/Ace team-up was cool, I liked seeing them interact with Jodie's Doctor (she did a good job of playing the awkwardness of being reunited with her old Companions) as well as Yaz and other characters, and I especially liked seeing Graham again (I'd read he was going to be in the episode but had forgotten, so it was somewhat of a surprise when he appeared) and his teaming up with Ace.

I imagine fans of the two 'Classic Who' era Companions (as well as the actresses who played them) were happy for their characters to get some 'closure' of sorts with their respective Doctors appearing to them via hologram. Speaking of those former Doctors, I'm guessing the actors they brought back had probably been holding off reappearing until they felt it was worth it. The scene with them talking to Jodie's Doctor was great and I'm sure Jodie enjoyed getting to interact with these past Doctor actors. Someone else clearly having a ball was Sacha Dhawan as the Master. I think he's probably my favourite version of the Master since Derek Jacobi's all-too-brief appearance back in Season 3. This Master actually felt *dangerous* at times and wasn't just 'wacky'. I did, however, think that whilst Sacha's performance was up to his usual standard in the beginning of this episode, he verged too much into OTT territory later on. More than anything, I HATED seeing the Master put Jodie's Doctor through a forced regeneration, turning her into him. The way she said Yaz's name before she changed (which was shown in the trailers for the episode) was especially chilling/upsetting, I thought.

It felt like a 'violation' seeing the Master-as-the-Doctor, wearing her outfit and basically threatening Yaz into going on 'adventures' with him. I resented him for taking away Jodie's Doctor for a percentage of the episode (though it was somewhat amusing when he tried on previous Doctor's outfits, since it reminded me of the time Joey wore all of Chandler's clothes at the same time in an episode of Friends). I do think that Jodie's Doctor had a unique/twisted relationship with this version of the Master and their dynamic was an interesting one. Although, in the end, the Master proved himself as just being petty when he couldn't be the Doctor...so he ensured she couldn't either, wounding her to trigger her regeneration. Luckily, Yaz was there to carry her inside the TARDIS (speaking of, I liked how many shots we got of going from the outside of the TARDIS all the way inside and vice versa, illustrating the contrast between the small exterior and vast interior). Another thing I was happy to see was Jodie's Doctor inventing/creating, with her goggles on, like in her first episode. Nice callback.

We've seen the Doctor/Yaz relationship developed the most over the course of these last three seasons, both Jodie and Mandip Gill did an excellent job conveying all the emotions when saying goodbye. I enjoyed the shot of them sitting atop the TARDIS with ice cream (the sound/background music dropping out was really effective). When the Doctor said she had to do her regeneration alone, I thought after all the times Yaz had pointed out she *didn't* need to do things alone, this would be the one time where the Doctor would welcome her company. Instead, she went off by herself. The thing I most appreciated about this Doctor's regeneration was that it wasn't drawn-out, nor was she whiny about it. Yes, she said she wished she had more time, but after that she seemed to accept it and just wished she could've seen what came next. Unlike certain other Doctors, she was 'mature' about it and went out how she had always been since she first appeared (with kindness and encouragement), wishing all the best for the next Doctor. If nothing else, her regeneration will surely be remembered for having one of the most beautiful shots ever.

It might be an 'unpopular' opinion, but I think Jodie Whittaker did a superb job with the material she was given and I hate the fact that due to Covid and other reasons she didn't get to be the Doctor for as long as the last three actors to play the role did. She was unfairly judged in a harsh manner and while others might see her departure from the show as a reason to start watching again, I'm considering it being time for me to stop. I guess I'll wait and see. Kudos to Jodie and everyone else for this fitting send-off to Jodie's Doctor. In my opinion, she was brilliant, I'll miss her (A LOT) and I thank her for making the show watchable for me again after I nearly gave up on it during Season 10.

The use of 'Creep', as sung by a choir at a WEDDING in a CHURCH (including the line "What the hell am I doing here?"), was one of the *least* ridiculous things this show has done. As a Robert/Willow fan, I was perfectly happy with this being the final episode of the series since everyone else had become intolerable. Liam's a petulant whiny b!tch whose only fans would have to be teen girls, since his plotting/planning was lame and he was no match for Robert. I couldn't care less about him and Kathryn (she made me miss the character of Ophelia from Season 1). He was a boy taking on a man and thus was totally out of his depth.

Does NOBODY remember how Eleanor first got with Jasper? He BLACKMAILED her into having sex with him! That was something I'd never forgotten about nor forgiven (even though she apparently had). Consequently, I could never get onboard with their toxic 'relationship' and I just found them dull (Eleanor was MUCH better *away* from him...and Sebastian was better for her). She turns on her brother, Robert, because he stole her letter/words to Jasper? Big deal! Didn't she and Jasper have someone else write their letters *for* them at one point? They both became SO sanctimonious and the actor who plays Jasper only ever had one facial expression.

Helena's become woefully ineffective at doing much of anything (other than having a catfight with Willow's mother, which was ridiculous...but par for the course with this show). She's been totally defanged since Season 1, just sitting around watching reality TV...and not much else. Cyrus is, and always HAS been, a cartoon character. I guess it was a surprise they actually brought Violet *back* this time (instead of just having someone posing as her). I never liked Cyrus, so I didn't really give two figs about him (too bad that mohawked joke of an ex-King continued to LIVE). I used to like James Hill and thought he was one of the only 'mature' characters in the show, but siding with the idiots knocked him down several pegs in my book.

Willow's scenes with Robert were what MADE this season interesting/better than last season, and I liked that it wasn't clear which way she'd go right up until she said "I do". While I'm sure others were disappointed by the lack of any shooting going on, considering all the guns that were floating about, I was THANKFUL there wasn't any gunplay, as I was worried that if there *had* been, Willow might've gotten caught in the crossfire. Genevieve Gaunt got to display her comedic chops in one of the previous episodes when she was, in Helena's words, 'tripping balls', but here she conveyed all of Willow's conflicted emotions, showing nuance/depth, as she weighed her options. She was a most welcome addition to the show and certainly one of the 'stronger' actors in it.

Speaking of 'stronger' actors, Max Brown (who's a superior actor to William Moseley) brought SO much to this season as Robert, who (unlike Liam) has proven to be a COMPLEX character with many layers and I, for one, took great delight in him and Willow tying the knot, leaving everyone else looking like fools. That's why I can't hate this 'ending' for the series, as those who I *wanted* to win DID...and those who I *didn't* LOST. While everyone else seems to hate this conclusion, I'm sitting back and enjoying it. Long live King Robert and Queen Willow!

This movie's already an improvement on X-Men: Dark Phoenix right from the opening voiceover provided by Blu Hunt's Dani Moonstar, as at least it isn't as dull/lifeless as Sophie Turner's was. She speaks of an old Native American proverb about us all having two bears inside us (one's all the 'good' things, one's all the 'evil') and they're forever duking it out over our souls. The snow falling nighttime setting, as Dani's fleeing with her farther from something big/scary, sets a different 'mood' to all the previous X-Men films, which I liked...though WHY does Adam Beach keep getting work? His bad acting stands out like a sore thumb. Thankfully, he doesn't last long and Dani wakes up in a hospital, greeted by a seemingly friendly doctor named Reyes (Alice Braga).

She soon meets others, starting with Rahne Sinclair (Maisie Williams, who's definitely the better of the two GoT actresses to star in an X-Men film and whose Scottish accent is less dodgy than Sophie Turner's American one). She's the first to befriend Dani by talking her out of offing herself. The chemistry between the two actresses is immediately evident. At the opposite end of the spectrum is Illyana Rasputin, who talks to a purple dragon hand-puppet called 'Lockheed' and slings pithy racist comments Dani's way (they're like the most 'tame' ones I imagine the writers could come up with for the character to say whilst keeping her from being completely loathsome. It's a testament to Anya Taylor-Joy's performance that despite her nastiness, she's also interesting/oddly likeable). The actors playing the two guys, Sam Guthrie and Roberto Da Costa, aren't given as much to work with as the three actresses, but they have their moments/we see they've got issues they're dealing with just like the others.

Rahne, who's SO OBVIOUSLY the wolf we see early in the film watching Dani (later running alongside her in wolf-form after Illyana's encouraged Dani to flee just so she can enjoy watching the 'new girl' as she calls her smack face-first into the magical barrier that's erected to keep everyone from leaving), was branded a witch (*literally*. We see the 'W' scar on her skin during her shower scene with Dani) by the priest that she 'came out' to regarding her wolfiness and now she's being haunted by his grisly torn-up-faced self. She's not the only one with ghosts-of-the-past resurfacing, as Sam's remembering how his power to blast himself around like a rocket (though he's called 'Cannonball') manifested, accidentally killing men including his father while they were working in the mines.

After Rahne, Sam's the next most friendly one to Dani, and although Charlie Heaton doesn't get a lot to do, he's still easily-likeable (the most frustrating thing is us not getting to see him blast off in all his glory very often). Roberto's actually the *first* one to act like a d-bag to Dani (not Illyana), as he laughs at her name. Consequently, he's not as likeable as Sam (who at times he appears to get along with, while other times...not so much). Naturally, he jumps at the chance to join Illyana in the pool at night, but it's soon revealed this isn't the *real* Illyana, but another manifestation...as is his extra-crispy-girlfriend-he-unintentionally-burned-with-his-Human-Torch-like-powers. Turns out his character is 'Sunspot', who was previously in DoFP (though that version was SO forgettable that this one's easily better by default).

Illyana's trauma is the most disturbing, as it seems she was held captive as a sex-slave by gangsters (who she says were always smiling...thus explaining why she sees unnaturally-slender-eyeless-sharp-toothed-but-*still*-well-dressed monster men who wear smiley-face masks tormenting her). She starts 'softening' towards Dani after a kind gesture from her (bringing Illyana's hand-puppet to her after she's stuck in solitary for fighting with Dani, claiming she was 'helping' her to manifest her powers...which remain a mystery). Illyana's power appears to be that she has a Witchblade (or at least something similar), armouring one arm, giving her a glowing blue sword and matching eyes, plus turning her hand-puppet into Spyro the Dragon. The way they worked in her codename ('Magik') was nicely-done, I thought.

Despite all these characters being deeply-flawed, I still *liked* them/seeing them 'bond'...which they do by taking polygraph tests. Eventually, they have to work together when it's revealed Reyes has been grooming them to become weapons rather than X-Men and intends to kill Dani at the behest of her 'superiors'...so it's just as well she's satisfyingly eaten by a giant demon bear who's manifested by Dani, as we learn she's unintentionally been bringing everyone's demons to life (that's her power). Everybody seems to hate the bear, but I thought it was at least more effective than albino Jessica Chastain or Smurfpocalypse (LEAVE SMOKEY ALONE! *ugly cries*). I personally didn't think the movie was THAT bad. I certainly liked it better than the last two X-Men films and was less bored watching it than Logan. I also liked this group of characters more than the teens in the previous films and appreciated this movie taking the time to 'breathe'/include all these 'character moments' in the first half of the film before things went cuckoo bananagrams crazy (it's similar to 2017's Power Rangers movie that way).

I was actually relieved that the movie had a minimal cast and was a self-contained/'smaller scale' story. It gave things a more 'intimate' feel. I also enjoyed the attempt to inject 'horror' elements (though apparently the film originally had more?) and the end credits music/illustrations of everyone. Naturally, there's those who dismiss the film as 'boring'. I guess I can add this to my ever-growing pile of movies *I* like that everyone else seems to hate. It's the type of movie best watched on a rainy day for maximum effect/'atmosphere'. And while I appreciate anyone who has the good taste to watch episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...WHY watch them out of order?! First they watch Season 5's 'The Body' and then later they watch Season 4's 'Hush'...that's no way to watch the show!

Sophie Turner should rethink doing voiceovers (especially when trying to maintain an American accent), as the dull/lifeless one she gives during this film's opening illustrates (makes you appreciate Patrick Stewart's all the more. Even James McAvoy's was better). Also disappointing? The lack of opening credits sequence/X-Men Theme. It feels like a desperate attempt to be 'more serious', but instead (like the movie as a whole) just proves boring. If it wasn't already apparent that DoFP's events created a new reality, we see a totally different Jean origin than we got previously. This time she accidentally kills her parents in a car crash; then wakes up in hospital/meets McAvoy's Charles. The main 'theme' of this movie seems to be characters not listening to others (mainly Raven/Mystique, whose makeup/prosthetics have randomly been changed) when they really *should*.

The X-Men go into space (yes, really) to save some astronauts. Thanks to teamwork, everything's going fine...until a 'solar flare' attacks. Raven makes the tough call, wanting to get everyone else to safety, Charles doesn't listen, and consequently Jean absorbs this cosmic force to save everyone...then it's brought back to Earth inside her, amplifying her powers, but at the same time breaking down the mental barriers/walls Charles built in her mind (he NEVER learns, does he?) that were intended to 'protect' her from learning the truth (ie. While her mother didn't survive the crash, her father did...but he *didn't* want Jean, so Charles took her in). Whether Charles is suppressing Jean's 'alternate personality' or blocking her memories; either way...screwing with a powerful-mutant-child's-mind? BIG mistake.

Someone else who doesn't listen to Raven is Hank (now able to switch between human/Beast forms at will...it kinda defeats the point of his character, since he's not permanently stuck as a blue furball). She's sick of Charles' ego-tripping (as the 'face' of the X-Men, he enjoys all the praise they receive), but Hank talks her into staying when she wants to leave. The Mystique/Beast pairing always seemed rather random, but it's nice the movie remembered their 'relationship' (at least it's better than Jean/Scott). While many hated Raven claiming 'the women are always saving the men'/suggesting Charles re-name the team 'X-Women', I didn't take it as a personal affront like others did. It's something she says in-the-heat-of-the-moment/whilst angry just after Charles has almost gotten EVERYBODY ELSE killed to save Jean.

An eyebrow-less Jessica Chastain (looking albino-esque with her platinum blonde hair) plays Margaret, a woman who's having a nice dinner with friends, when her jerk-of-a-hubby dismisses their barking dog, Luna (a platinum-blonde...the name 'Luna'...coincidence or a Harry Potter reference?), who's just trying to warn them that their party's being crashed by shapeshifting aliens. The leader, Vuk, obviously kills Margaret (and most likely poor Luna too), assuming her form, before caving in the chest of her jerk-of-a-hubby (should've heeded your dog's warning!) and presumably everyone else. At another less-murdery party in the woods, the X-Kids (including Halston Sage, briefly appearing as Dazzler...and living up to the character's name) get blasted by Jean after she loses control, injuring people, as Charles' mental blocks come tumbling down.

After learning the truth, Jean confronts her dad, the X-Men show up (as do the cops, who Jean promptly offs), Quicksilver's badly injured (only reappearing by movie's end for a lame one-liner), but at least he fares better than Mystique, who tries reasoning with Jean...while Hank just wants to shoot her, but *again* Charles doesn't listen, and consequently Raven's impaled (which is surprisingly bloody/gruesome). Obviously J-Law was OVER IT (while she certainly was no Rebecca Romijn, unlike others...I never hated her in the role), which is why the Blue Man Group loses a member. Nicholas Hoult, bless him, gives Raven's death scene his all (while McAvoy-as-Charles does the opposite). It's satisfying when Hank later calls Charles out on his BS (though unintentionally amusing when we see Beast in the rain at the funeral, resembling a soggy blue doggy). Charles is at his MOST unlikeable in this movie. After crying in the rain, Jean flies to Magneto for help (but won't confess whose blood she's covered in), the US military appear...who she makes short work of, and Erik learns from Hank that Jean killed Raven (like Hoult, Fassbender shows more emotion regarding Raven's death than McAvoy/any of the other X-Men did).

Team Kill Jean later fights Team Save Jean, Erik's refugee mutants are quite lame (braid-whips? REALLY?), there's an unintentionally humorous moment with Jean force-walking Charles upstairs (like a puppet on strings), this time Magneto's on the *receiving* end of head-crushing helmets, Jean wants her power gone/Vuk's happy to oblige, they briefly team-up...until it's revealed this'll kill Jean, then government goons appear, capturing everyone. Turns out we've reached the film's climax without even realising it (it's THAT underwhelming). There's some semi-decent character moments: Charles FINALLY admits he's wrong to Hank, Erik switches sides AGAIN (his second-favourite pastime) and Nightcrawler gets royally p.o.'d when a government goon dies in the fight with Vuk's posse, unleashing his merciless side ('BAMF-ing' the one responsible into the path of the oncoming train). Jean offs all the aliens except Vuk, who finally gets what she wants from Jean...then wishes she *hadn't*, as it kills her (and seemingly Jean as well).

In the end, we're just left with an overwhelming feeling of what was the point of all this? The idea of redoing the Phoenix storyline should've been to *improve* it, not make it WORSE (having the same person take another crack at it clearly didn't pay off when he obviously learned *nothing* from last time). Jessica Chastain's wasted as leader of THE MOST BORING ALIENS EVER, none of the new actors are a patch on the originals (even Fassbender's clearly had enough), and so the X-Men prequel quadrilogy ends not with a bang but a whimper (but, hey, at least they worked an F-bomb into each film...so yay? Wolverine's was funny, Charles' at least had a *point*, Erik's was unnecessary and Scott's one in this film feels forced). Truly disappointing. Vuk you, movie!

This movie's all about 'out with the old/in with the new', starting with James McAvoy taking over Patrick Stewart's voiceovering duties. In ancient Egypt, En Sabah Nur's old/dried-up body's getting the boot as his consciousness is transferred into a new vessel (Oscar Isaac). Evidently, protestors are just as annoying/much of a nuisance back then as they are today, wanting to disrupt the Four Horsemen of the Apolcaypse's ceremony as they endeavor to protect their leader...but because they suck, they're easily defeated (even whilst possessing neat powers such as folding people like origami). Luckily, good ol' reliable Death manages to place a protective shield around Smurfpocalypse (after the transfer's completed) before he's buried underneath rubble until future idiots inevitably revive his blue arse.

While some may've loved the journey-through-human-history that makes up this movie's opening credits sequence, I myself found it a bit much (everything zips by SO fast you can hardly follow what's appearing onscreen). The WTF-ery begins with a young Angel (no, not the dragonfly-winged-one-played-by-Zoë Kravitz...she *dead*, remember? The *other* one) CAGEFIGHTING young Nightcrawler (yes, REALLY. I guess DoFP's timey-wimeyness is to blame for why Angel's completely different to The Last Stand's version) until human-looking Raven/Mystique (clearly J-Law renegotiated her contract to have her appearing in blue scaled back), wearing a booby purple dress, liberates her fellow blue mutant after Angel's wings get singed.

Unlike her First Class introduction, Moira MacTaggert's (returning so the issue of Charles wiping her memory can *finally* be addressed) the MOST-clothed she can possibly be as she witnesses worshippers revive Smurfpocalypse (told ya!), causing an earthquake everywhere, which leads to Erik/Magneto (who's laying low/living regular-person life with a boring wife and kid) saving a colleague at work by using his power...and soon the cops are after him. In a scene mirroring his own separation from his parents, Erik's daughter displays her power (summoning birds to attack). His obviously-doomed-from-the-start family prove super-unlucky, both getting offed with a single arrow (the cops were actually smart enough *not* to have any metal on them...though that doesn't do them much good, since Erik takes them all out using his dead daughter's necklace).

Erik's not the only one having a sucky day, as young Scott/Cyclops unintentionally manifests his powers at school...giving it a new sunroof. The WTF-ery continues with a young Storm (just when you thought her hair couldn't get worse...she's got a mohawk), who's a thief, taking Smurfpocalypse HOME with her like he's a stray dog (despite witnessing the messed-up stuff he does to people), introducing him to TV...which is how he 'learns' about humanity, and she's the first in his recruitment of a new Four Horsemen, soon followed by Psylocke (the sum-total of her unexplained powers we see is a glowing pink sword and whip), Angel (whose burned/broken wings are replaced with new blade-shooting metal ones. They should've named him 'Archangel' to avoid confusion with the previous versions) and Magneto, who's now p.o.'d at the world after his family's demise.

Meanwhile, Scott's brought to Xavier's school by his older brother Alex/Havok (who, like Storm, sports some seriously questionable hair), he meets young Jean Grey (GoT's Sophie Turner, only succeeding about *half* the time at sounding American. Two things you can always rely on from the X-films: dodgy hair and accents) and then, along with Nightcrawler and Jubilee, they go to see Return of the Jedi...which leads to the writers' attempt at self-referential humour regarding movies (was Jean's line about how 'the third one is always the worst' intended to warn us about *this* movie's quality?). Fortunately, they're away from the X-Mansion when Smurfpocalypse and his B-team of Horsemen invade. Unfortunately, foolish Havok (not listening to Charles) gets himself/the X-Mansion blown up.

Fortunately, Evan Peters' Quicksilver happens by at the exact right moment, rescuing everyone (well...except Havok, of course, who's no longer needed now Scott's around). Clearly this slow-mo/super-speed sequence is intended to replicate the one from DoFP (which, unlike most, I wasn't particularly impressed by). Prior to Havok's immolation, Charles ordered him to 'wreak havoc' (in a rather forced attempt to have their own "Hulk? Smash." moment), destroying Cerebro when, once again, the villain intended to use it for EVIL (by now Cerebro's about neck-and-neck with the X-Jet for which one's been sabotaged/destroyed the most). When that fails, Smurfpocalypse simply has his Horsemen kidnap Charles (so he can amplify his power/connection to everyone and control them). They then proceed to mostly stand around/do nothing until the film's climax.

Sadly, Mystique doesn't kick much butt (just gets strangled), so it's up to the new crew to handle the Boresome Foursome and Smurfpocalypse, who is the only real match for them, growing HUGE at one point during a Battle-of-the-Minds with Charles, thoroughly thrashing him after a failed attempt to make him the new vessel (causing his hair loss in the process...as apparently baldness is a prerequisite for the role) until Jean *finally* lets loose her 'Phoenix Force', making short work of Smurfpocalypse (maybe next time LEAD with that!). Angel's dead, Psyclocke skulks off, and Storm's welcomed into the X-Mansion (despite aiding the enemy), which Jean rebuilds with Erik's help (the last exchange between him and Charles is just their dialogue from the end of the first film being reused/recycled), then Mystique gives a pep-talk to the newly-formed team of young X-Men now dressed in what resembles their comic-book costumes.

Speaking of costumes, Olivia Munn looks good in her boob-windowed outfit (oh sure, NOW you go for comic-book accuracy!), but like the majority of the new actors (whose performances range from average to pretty bad, while the returning actors seem to have lost enthusiasm) in the movie, her character's hardly developed. While nobody can ever equal Alan Cumming's Nightcrawler, I felt Kodi Smit-McPhee did the best out of the new additions taking over previously-established roles. Despite the film's attempted 'epic-ness', it mainly feels like a bunch of random/questionable ideas (including extraneous Wolverine cameos) thrown together. Oh well, if nothing else, at least they gave us plenty of boob...I mean blue!

Contrary to popular belief, it was 2000's X-Men (NOT 2002's Spider-Man) that saved the superhero/comic-book movie genre after Joel Schumacher nearly killed it with Batman & Robin. Once again, Bryan Singer (no matter what you might think of him) shows the heights comic-book movies are capable of reaching with this sequel. 'Dies Irae' from Mozart's Requiem in D minor has never been better utilised than it is during this film's opening scene at the White House, which introduces the character of Nightcrawler (a blue demon-looking creature...with a TAIL, who might *appear* menacing/'bad', but is later revealed to be the complete opposite). He's a teleporter who can single-handedly take out a bunch of opponents as he 'BAMF's from one place to the next. I have yet to see teleportation brought to life onscreen more effectively than it is here. It remains one of the all-time BEST scenes in any comic-book movie EVER.

While Wolverine's having a stare-off with a wolf, trying to regain memories of his past/the experimentation that gave him his indestructible adamantium skeleton, we're reintroduced to the other returning X-Men from the first film. Storm's wig is fluffier/slightly less fake-looking; Jean's having trouble controlling her powers which seem to be growing, Cyclops is still being severely underused (Singer might like James Marsden as an actor, but he obviously cares little for Cyclops as a character given how his screentime keeps decreasing with each movie), Rogue's now together with Iceman/Bobby Drake, the character of Pyro/John has been recast and Professor X uses his telekinetic abilities to make an entire food court of people freeze/stop moving.

The dynamics established in the first film are acknowledged (ie. Rogue's attachment to Logan and the Logan/Jean/Scott 'love triangle'), though not dwelled upon, as there's other stuff going on such as the Mutant Registration Act being pushed, Mystique posing as the deceased Senator Kelly, and Brian Cox's very human (but very dangerous) William Stryker launching an attack against the X-Mansion. This is another stand-out scene, as we're not only treated to a glimpse of a new character's power (the metal-skinned Colossus) but also Wolverine going into a 'berserker rage' against the attackers who *may* be considered the 'bad guys', but I was nevertheless thankful to for shutting up that one screeching mutant girl. It's weird that a school FULL of super-powered mutants are seemingly no match for a bunch of human guys with stun-guns (I guess this is why the mutants are mostly kids...because if they were *adults*, they'd wipe the floor with their enemies).

Meanwhile, Magneto stages a fantastic escape from his plastic prison with the help of his trusty henchwoman, Mystique (it was nice seeing a non-blue/non-scaly Rebecca Romijn in one brief scene). Elsewhere, Jean/Storm track down Nightcrawler (of all the new characters, Alan Cumming's was easily my favourite, as he brings a LOT to this role, managing to make Nightcrawler scary, sympathetic, and even funny with how he keeps introducing himself to people. He and Storm also have some good moments together, he proves an asset to the team, and although their comic-book connection is never acknowledged, it's fun to see the two blue mutants, him and Mystique, briefly interact). They soon learn his attack on the President wasn't of his own volition, as Stryker has a means of controlling mutants/making them do his bidding as evidenced by his own mutant henchwoman, Lady Deathstrike.

Speaking of, poor Kelly Hu (like Rebecca Romijn before her in the previous movie) only gets ONE line of dialogue...but at least her fight with Wolverine helps make up for that. It's definitely a stand-out (being about as intense/violent as a PG-13 film will allow). Another good scene is the one where Pyro makes it known just how dangerous the power of fire manipulation can be. Aaron Stanford plays the part well, and his exchange with Magneto is a good one. It must also be mentioned how very 'mean girl'-like the Magneto/Mystique pairing are towards Rogue regarding her unique hair...which they're responsible for (ignore them, Rogue. Your hair's great!). In most cases, this sequel gives us *more* of everything: more mutants, more fight scenes and more of the different powers displayed...except for Cyclops' and Rogue's, of course, which continue to be frustratingly underutilised.

This brings me to the 'negatives' of the film: It's baffling why those^ two characters are wasted and the full extent of their powers aren't taken advantage of, the movie seemingly resorted to ripping off a line from Joss Whedon's series Buffy the Vampire Slayer (replacing the word 'Slayer' with 'mutant') since they apparently didn't have him to supply the jokes this time, and I could've done without the blue-lizard-tongued mutant child/'kiddie humour'. Still, there's a LOT to like: Singer manages to keep things coherent (even when there's some weirdness involving mind-tricks/illusions), Hugh Jackman's Logan/Wolverine continues to steal every scene he's in, Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen command the screen whenever they appear, Romijn's Mystique is fascinating to watch (look out for her amusingly rude gesture she gives the bad guys at one point) and, as mentioned, Nightcrawler makes one hell of a debut (such a shame the extensive/time-consuming makeup process put Cumming off returning).

These movies have always excelled at is being about something *deeper* than just seeing 'cool powers' onscreen. The way the subject of those who are 'different' is tackled gives these films much more 'weight' than other previous superhero movies had (Iceman/Bobby 'coming out' to his parents as a mutant is one such example). The action, whilst impressive and expertly staged/shot, isn't the main focus of the movie which delivers its 'message' *without* being as ham-fisted/obvious as other more modern superhero movies. Although these films mightn't be the most accurate at translating the comic-books they're adapted from to screen, the 'differences' don't make them *bad* (though you have to wonder what they would've been like if they *had* stuck to the comics more closely). The movie's climax packs an emotional punch, whilst the ending shot promises more interesting/exciting things to come.

If Mission: Impossible II hadn't prevented Dougray Scott from playing Wolverine, the then-unknown-outside-of-Australia Hugh Jackman would've never be cast instead...which would've been a crying shame, as his portrayal of the character is truly iconic (I can't imagine anyone else having played the role, and whoever they recast the part with in the future will have BIG shoes to fill/a lot to live up to). From the moment he's introduced, Jackman's Logan makes a HUGE impact. We see how dangerous he is (I still remember being impressed with the close-up of Logan's middle claw slowly coming out. The practical effect for that *one* shot was much-appreciated), but he also exudes charm and the film isn't afraid to show he's kind of a jerk, as evidenced by the way he treats his young stowaway, Rogue.

I thought the whole Wolverine/Rouge relationship (he starts out not caring about her, but they gradually form a bond, and he eventually becomes a protective 'older brother'/'father'-type figure towards her) was well-done...even if it was totally different to the comics. For all the crap Anna Paquin gets for her Rogue, she and Hugh Jackman made their dynamic *work* onscreen. As a fan of Rogue from the comics/animated series, I probably *should've* been ticked off at how the movie changed her character, but just like how Jackman's Wolverine doesn't exactly resemble his comic-book counterpart, this Rogue is simply 'different', and I certainly don't hold Paquin responsible. She did the best she could with what she was given (even if she faded in and out of her 'Southern' accent half the time). I can separate the film version from the comics/animated series version (though I'd still like to see a comics-accurate live-action version someday).

I liked how she casually said "I'm Rogue." when she introduced herself to Logan and they commented on each other's names they'd given themselves (I was surprised to hear her REAL name in the film's beginning, as I'd never known it beforehand). This, combined with Logan later snorting at the names 'Sabretooth', 'Storm' and 'Cyclops', helped acknowledge the bizarreness of the characters' names without disrespecting them since Logan *himself* has one/calls the others by theirs (it also gave us the amusing "What do they call you? Wheels?" line). It was the same deal with the uniforms and Cyclops referencing yellow spandex (really, HOW would they have achieved that look *without* it appearing ridiculous? Their film costumes may be mostly black, but also have hints of colour/their comic-book costumes).

Unlike some, I had no problem with Famke Janssen as Jean Grey or James Marsden as Scott Summers/Cyclops. I always found Jean fairly 'nondescript' in the comics/animated series (like, every other character's appearance stood out, but the only thing I ever remembered about Jean was her red hair), so I thought Janssen looked 'right' for this part. Marsden (SO unlucky in films) had the whole 'boy scout' thing working for his Cyclops and I thought his antagonistic relationship with Logan proved quite fun. Obviously Marsden got screwed character development/screentime-wise, but the problem was never him as an actor.

Neither did I have any issues with Halle Berry's Storm, her accent or wig (it mightn't be the MOST-convincing, but she makes it work for her). I also didn't fixate on her "Do you know what happens to a toad" line. I think people were mostly just confused about what the *point* of it was. I read somewhere that Joss Whedon intended the line to be delivered a completely different way to how Berry did it. She said it all serious-like, whereas it was supposed to be said in a casual/dismissive kind of way (a clear case of those who used Whedon's dialogue not GETTING it at all). Whenever anyone cites that line as 'proof' of Whedon being 'bad' at dialogue, they forget he was also responsible for that one particular exchange between Wolverine/Cyclops which everyone seemed to LOVE.

It goes without saying that Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen were perfectly cast as Professor X and Magneto, bringing real weight/gravitas to their roles and the movie as a whole, ensuring that people didn't just dismiss 'a movie about mutants' as something silly. The film's opening quickly established the 'tone'; that it wasn't going to be like other cartoonish comic-book films (looking at YOU, Batman & Robin!) and they were going to 'ground' this universe despite its fantastical elements. Speaking of, I liked how they handled the squishy Senator Kelly effects. Him slowly pushing through the bars was well-done, and his blobbiness later on showed just how crazy things could get. Meanwhile, Mystique's scaly all-blue look and the effect of her shape-changing were great/felt 'otherworldly'. Rebecca Romijn deserves more credit, as she made a HUGE impact in her limited screentime (it's just a shame she was only given a single line of dialogue).

I haven't many quibbles other than the Brotherhood of Mutants felt underdeveloped (outside of Magneto). I also didn't like Toad spewing green goo onto Jean's face. It would've been slightly less vomit-like if he'd just produced it in his hand instead of basically throwing up on her. There's only really one effect that stands out to me now as 'dated' and that's after Sabretooth tosses Wolverine off the Statue of Liberty/he swings around it, as you can tell when it's the CGI version of him. Back to the 'positives': the movie moves along at a brisk pace, I really appreciated them explaining how Rogue got her signature white streak of hair and I LOVED the use of a 'theme tune' at the end of the film which acknowledged the animated series' theme without just being a carbon copy of it. It's subtle, but there are definitely aspects of it incorporated into the music. This remains one of my favourite comic-book movies ever, and I feel it doesn't get the appreciation it deserves for showing that comic book movies didn't *have* to be dark/gothic (Burton's Batman films) nor cartoonish (B&R), and that there was a happy 'middle ground'.

Doctor Strange in the MoM was the MCU movie I was looking forward to the most post-Endgame. I'd originally thought it'd be a team-up movie between Doctor Strange and Wanda/Scarlet Witch, then as more and more leaks for the film surfaced, I thought maybe she'd turn 'bad' partway through only to be turned back to the side of 'good' by the end. Suffice to say things didn't go quite the way I was hoping. This movie's opening scene gives us a taste of the mind-boggling effects the film has to offer as we meet a Doctor Strange from another universe who's attempting to save a teen named America Chavez from the evil pursuing her that's wishing to steal her power/ability to traverse the multiverse.

'Our' Stephen Strange then awakes as if from a dream, before attending the wedding of Christine Palmer (it's probably for the best she married someone else, given how Stephen treated her previously). Some may deem this segment of the movie 'slow', but it's *necessary*, as the payoff for their characters' relationship comes towards the end of the film. Those with short attention spans needn't worry, though, as it's not long before a giant one-eyed octopus attacks the city. Strange is aided by Wong in this fight, the climax of which is literally eye-popping. After this, Strange seeks out Wanda Maximoff's help (oh, sure, when you WANT something you bother to check in with her, Strange, but you couldn't have helped her out when SHE needed it? Speaking of...where was Hawkeye? Some friend! EVERYONE abandoned her).

Having not seen WandaVision, I sadly missed out on the most important part of Wanda's story (ie. How she got from Endgame to here). As someone who's been a fan of Wanda throughout the films, standing up for her when others condemned her, it's a slap in the face. WHY should I *have* to get Disney+ to see a crucial part of her character's journey? At least release the show on DVD/Blu-ray, jerks! I've gotten the gist of what happened, and it sounds to me like while some simply wish to 100% blame her for everything/see her 'punished', they fail to take into account the manipulations that occurred and Wanda being corrupted by the Darkhold. I guess since she's not a GUY who's 'charming'/quippy, all's *not* forgiven?

This movie's biggest disappointment is Wanda being reduced to just someone who wants her nonexistent kids (in *her* universe, anyway. They exist in every other one) back by any means necessary. It's a disservice to the character/the actress who portrays her, as like a certain other female character from a popular TV series, the writing's portraying her as an example of 'woman can't control her emotions/goes mad with power and has to be put down like a rabid dog' (at least BELLS didn't turn Wanda nuts). We get a brief scene between her and Strange where they're civil, but it's soon revealed she's already descended into 'madness', so she becomes 'the enemy' surprisingly early on (thus my hopes of ever seeing them comparing fancy magic-casting hand gestures were immediately dashed).

Also surprising is that some apparently found this movie 'confusing'. It's actually pretty simple: stop Wanda from killing America thereby gaining her power to get her kids from another universe. The problem is it's *not* particularly complex, and that's why I was ticked off with what the movie did to Wanda. She's given a moment here or there to display some signs of humanity, but it's clear the Wanda who previously sacrificed a LOT to save the world is basically gone now. This movie's oversimplified characterisation robs her of the complexities of her character. . Things appear very 'black/white', with her as the 'villain' when previously she's proven herself a hero (albeit with flaws). Elizabeth Olsen, who seems to never get the credit she deserves for the nuance/subtleties she's brought to her character, does the best with what she's given, making her 'Scarlet Witch' persona seem truly unhinged with her line deliveries/convincingly conveying barely-contained rage bubbling underneath the surface ready to let loose any moment (and I was glad she called out Strange for his hypocrisy).

Those in denial about her being one of THE MOST powerful characters in the MCU should pay attention as she takes on many opponents in this movie...and pretty much kicks ALL their butts (she and Carol/Captain Marvel totally could've defeated Thanos together). Strange even states outright how powerful she is. If this is indeed her last movie...then shame on you, MCU! Wanda/Elizabeth Olsen deserved SO much better. Benedict Cumberbatch and Benedict Wong have an easy chemistry as Strange and Wong and it's a shame they're separated for the middle chunk of the movie. I was surprised to see Rachel McAdams feature as much as she did in the movie, as it seemed she'd vanished after the wedding. Thankfully, we meet one of her alternate selves who's involved in the film's second half. Xochitl Gomez does a decent job with the debut of her character, America, developing a fun dynamic with Strange. It's unfortunate that her finally tapping into the full potential of her power seems to come at the expense of us losing Wanda, though.

There are some character 'variants' which I'm sure will please a lot of fans (I personally was very happy to see a certain shield-wielding someone). One of these is apparently lots of people's 'fancast', so if he *doesn't* end up playing the actual 'proper' version...it'll be rather disappointing. Also disappointing? How briefly these characters appeared in the movie (though it gave us some of the film's more shocking moments, as they're creatively disposed of). A lot of elements in the movie work, like Sam Raimi's direction. He's clearly skilled at handling the 'horror'/gruesome aspects, bringing his own distinct style to the movie (complete with interesting camera angles). Danny Elfman provides some memorable score at certain points, the movie*looks* great (downright trippy at times) and the actors do their best...but the writing could've been better.

A masked female rider interrupts her men getting beaten up by Xena/Gabrielle, pulling a fancy upside-down maneuver on her horse to trip Xena. After being kicked from her horse, she removes her mask...and it's Kathryn Morris. She fights Xena, Gabrielle tries intervening, but gets kicked in the back/is about to be stabbed...until Stabby McStab hears voices/nods in understanding/gets all weepy, before lowering her sword/asking forgiveness. Gabrielle looks at Xena, whose reaction's pretty much "WTF's up with this weirdo?". Weepy Weeperson introduces herself as Najara, saying she knows about them thanks to the voices in her head called 'the jinn'...which is about all she knows regarding them (when doing the bidding of mysterious voices, maybe get more information?). When she says 'Bonacar!', I thought she was calling her horse 'Buttercup' (missed opportunity for a Princess Bride reference). She claims the jinn want Xena/Gabrielle to join her on her mission which is to 'fight evil', Xena amusingly asks for a more specific answer. In this case it's a slave-trader named Marat. While Najara's enjoying the scenery (seems the term 'stop to smell the flowers' originated from her), Gabrielle asks her about the jinn, which she answers vaguely, saying they're from 'the light'.

Najara (who's *finally* removed that unflattering hat she's been wearing and looks SO much better without) sings along with her men, making self-deprecating jokes, then mentions the hospice she's planning for anyone/everyone, its sole purpose being 'relieving suffering'. Between her "so much good to be done, so little time to do it" line and offering her sword/command of her men to Xena whilst admitting she shouldn't be so quickly trusted by Gabrielle...she's clearly trying hard to gain skeptical Xena's trust. She helps Xena fight a raiding party in a village (her war-cry is rather boringly just her yelling. It's certainly no Callisto scream), catches an arrow intended for Gabrielle before Xena can, then lectures the captured men on slavery being wrong/tells the villagers to forgive them. Xena's remembering her future-crucifixion-with-Gabrielle-death-vision, which Najara knows about thanks to the jinn and she informs Xena only something 'drastic' will change it.

Gabrielle *still* can't get over Najara's-arrow-catching-despite-the-fact-that-Xena-does-WAY-more-fantastical-gravity-defying/physics-defying-things-on-a-regular-basis, then gets excited by SWANS, which Najara invites her to go see up close. After declining Najara's offer to join, Xena follows them/eavesdrops as they talk about Najara's lovey-dovey 'way', she suggests Gabrielle start the hospice without her...but that'd mean leaving Xena, who Najara suggests Gabrielle totally commit to a life with, but Gabrielle admits she'll never get used to the violence that comes with being Xena's travelling companion and then Najara's all about Gabrielle' making a "full commitment to the light". When discussing hitting a slave centre, Xena/Najara disagree regarding Xena going after Marat alone, but Gabrielle talks Najara into listening to her. Later, Xena interrupts Najara praying to her invisible friends/voices in her head (who apparently come and go), wanting her to start her hospice, as she's planning to leave Gabrielle with her, hoping to avoid the death-vision. She admits Gabrielle gets hurt travelling with her, Najara agrees, Xena thanks her, then bids farewell to a slumbering Gabrielle.

Najara again gives her 'light' speech to villagers/offers slave-traders the chance to convert...which Gabrielle wants to do. Meanwhile, Xena captures Marat sleeping, he mistakes her for Najara, then conveniently blurts out all the necessary information that lets Xena know Najara's not-quite-so-lovey-dovey. She apparently gives those she captures three days to convert, if they refuse, she executes them without a trial (same goes for if she believes their conversion isn't sincere). What a helpful slave-trader! Gabrielle's initiated, then Xena interrupts more Najara-singing at a tavern, relaying to Gabrielle what she's learned regarding Najara...who actually makes some good points to Gabrielle about the ones she 'sends into the light'/kills being thieves/slave-traders/murderers/pirates, but Gabrielle's hung-up on the whole 'no trial/hearing' thing. Najara rightly points out that those enslaved aren't given any hearing/trial (I know Najara's being painted as the 'villain' here, but I agree evildoers don't deserve what's 'fair' considering the evil acts they commit aren't fair to their victims).

Xena/Najara fight over Gabrielle (we see the footage with the breaking stairs that Alti showed Xena among her visions of the future), Najara fights well, but Xena still kicks her ar$e (on stilts!), then makes the uncharacteristic mistake of turning her back when she thinks Najara's defeated...paying the price for such carelessness, as Najara turns the tables/"whips her butt" (Xena's words). Gabrielle prevents Najara finishing Xena off by agreeing to go with her, admitting Xena's darkness scares her, and they leave the beaten Xena who, once awake, pulls out a tooth/says this is what she gets for trusting someone who talks about being *good* all the time, but she knows Najara's weakness is the same as her own...ie. Gabrielle, who Najara's taken to a cave. They discuss Najara's 'wrong' way vs Xena's 'right' way (according to Gabrielle). Najara makes more good points about turning slave-traders over to local governments being useless if they support slavery and Xena *killing* most of her enemies in combat/rarely turning any over to authorities. Gabrielle maintains 'Xena only kills if it's absolutely necessary'. Najara counters that she only kills evil people, asking what makes Xena any better?

As if proving Najara's point for her, Xena seemingly kills her men outside. While Najara investigates, Xena sneaks in, Gabrielle amusingly points out how badly Najara beat Xena, then when Najara returns, Gabrielle's supposedly hanging from a rope above a chasm (though she's actually standing on something). Xena says Gabrielle's turned against her, claiming if she can't have her, nobody can. This time Xena beats Najara, who ends up hanging over the chasm/sees she's been tricked. Gabrielle stops Xena killing her, then there's the amusing sound of Xena knocking Najara out off-camera. Chained to a stake, Najara gets in one final dig about how hurting Gabrielle is *Xena's* job. Xena/Gabrielle leave as Najara forgives Gabrielle. Kathryn Morris played creepy zealotry well and I liked Najara better than other Callisto wannabes Xena's encountered, as she had more substance/complexity.

Some obviously-doomed-old-geezer walks through a moon-reflecting puddle in the woods, calling for his dog, Pluto. Goofy-without-clothes appears, barking warnings to his slow owner as monster noises are heard, then runs away. Sadly, I think Pluto's monster-chow. The old fart fares no better, as evidenced by the bloody puddle. Meanwhile, Joxer's removing old/dead flowers with new/fresh ones at the site of Gabrielle's death, saying a few words, then nearly soils himself as Xena grabs him, pulling herself up/out of the pit, vaguely explaining her vision-of-the-future being 'evidence' Gabrielle's alive, before making the logic-leap that still-alive Gabrielle would immediately return to her hometown. In bright sunshiny Poteidaia, a puppet show entertains children...including Joxer, who amusingly sits down right at the front, blocking the view of those behind him. Everything goes into slow-mo, as Xena senses Gabrielle behind her...and it's pretty obvious this is actually Hope-pretending-to-be-Gabrielle once again. Joxer literally gets in the way of their gazing-into-each-other's-eyes 'reunion'. Further evidence this isn't the really-real Gabrielle is how she's SO happy to see him/snogging him (causing him to faint).

While Xena's emotion as she embraces 'Gabrielle' is very real, there's something clearly off with 'Gabrielle's' reaction. They discuss 'Gabrielle' sending Xena messages she never got/the all-important question of how 'Gabrielle' survived. The flashback scene's like Gandalf-falling-with-the-Balrog in LotR:TTT...only with less-impressive effects. 'Gabrielle' voice-overs that she fell into a niche in the wall whilst Hope screamed out ,"Why, mother, WHY?!" (maybe because you're a hellspawn!) before supposedly hitting the lava. After regaining consciousness, Joxer leads Xena/Gabrielle to the bloodied-hand-of-old-dead-geezer dangling from a tree. 'Gabrielle', feigns shock/horror. She takes Xena home...and it's not exactly a warm reception. They're more welcoming towards 'Joxer the Mighty' (Gabrielle's sister, Lila, clearly has a thing for him. Even Gabrielle's *mum* thinks he's 'gallant'...which tells you just how questionable their taste/judgment is), while poor Xena's awkwardly left alone with Gabrielle's father, who blames her for everything bad that's happened to Gabrielle.

It's a stormy night (a prerequisite for monster-hunting) and chook-on-a-hook is Xena's plan for luring the monster into the barn. It's shown in silhouette, then lowers itself down behind 'Gabrielle' (resembling Sonic the Hedgehog...if he were a dope-fiend), before blowing right past her to get at Xena, tossing her about (WHY toss your enemy *away* from you? If you've got your hand around their neck...just break it already! Quit giving them a head-start in escaping you!). She snares its arm on the dangling hook/scares it with a lantern, then she and 'Gabrielle' (who didn't lift a finger to help Xena) run to the house. Spiky Smurf rams it, before puncturing various parts of the wall, narrowly missing Xena, then has her by the throat *again* but lets go/retreats due to the insta-dawn. Xena says she hurt it ('Gabrielle' ain't happy), then once the family leave the room, Xena informs Joxer the monster's 'The Destroyer'/Dahak's grandchild and that 'Gabrielle' is actually Hope (*GASP*). Joxer doesn't believe her at first, asking various questions, Xena says they have to keep up the charade of acting like Hope's Gabrielle to keep the family safe. Easier said than done, since Lila's doing everything she can to unintentionally pi$$ Hope off/make Hope want her dead, describing the 'thing' as 'awful'/talking about Xena hurting it.

Joxer mentions the whole if-Xena-kills-Hope-she-will-die-too deal Ares made with real Gabrielle, Xena reckons he released that debt, then reveals she didn't actually hurt Pr!ckles/only *said* she did for Hope's benefit. She amusingly keeps Joxer occupied by tasking him with the all-important-job-of-sheep-counting. Gab-dad's still badmouthing Xena, then basically tells her 'Gabrielle'/Lila went "Out. For. A. Walk...B!tch.". Hope's obviously taking Lila to become monster-chow, but has to change tack once Xena ruins her plan...so she walks out onto a mostly-gone bridge, uses her powers to make it even-less-stable, then pushes Lila onto it as it breaks. Xena grabs it, and I was amused by Hope's totally unconcerned "I'll get father." before leaving them to die. Lila takes her sweet time grabbing Xena's hand, but at least thanks her for saving her life. In a cave, Hope's checking on Mr. Pointy (who must've been the MOST painful birthing ever), he repeatedly tries to hug her, she keeps telling him to stop, finally yelling at him, which causes him to accidentally scratch her. He cowers, but she regains composure/speaks soothingly as she discovers Xena tricked-her-into-believing-he-was-hurt. I already feel sorry for the poor guy, as Hope leaves him alone in the cave and he sadly calls out for her.

Counting sheep's predictably put Joxer to sleep, he awakens to see Hope and follows her. As does Xena. The scene's well-done, as we cut between the two following her until it's revealed that Xena's actually been following the REALLY REAL Gabrielle, while Joxer ends up on the receiving end of actual-Hope's powers. This time the Xena/Gabrielle reunion *feels* real thanks to LL/ROC totally selling it. Gabrielle's clearly shell-shocked, a lot of what she says echoes what Hope-as-Gabrielle said about the plummet-into-the-lava-pit, she learns Hope's alive. Joxer's gagged/tied-up, hanging outside the cave as monster-chow (even uttering a muffled "Oh, sh!t."). Xena returns to the Gab-fam, Hope's there all battered/bruised, setting Xena up, then threatens the fam with her one-and-only-trick-of-levitating-weapons. Xena leaves, rescuing Joxer with her chakram...that sticks into a tree-trunk. Amusingly, she hits the tree to release it.

Really-real Gabrielle convinces Lila of her genuine Gabrielle-ness. There's a cool-if-inexplicable-reveal-of-Hope-to-Gabrielle-via-a-mirror. They chat, Hope explains she survived thanks to daddy's-flame-reaching-up-and-saving-her, Gabrielle hilariously dives out the window. Xena lures Quillbert into the barn/fights him, Gabrielle pretends to be Hope (only NICER), clearly scared sh!tless whilst letting him hug her, and just as he's *finally* embraced...Xena literally stabs him in the back. Hope runs in, yelling, Pokey-man pokes her fatally...then turns, seeing Xena/Gabrielle standing together. Realising his mistake/that the big meanies tricked him into killing his own mama, he cries out, hugging her sobbingly. Hope hugs him back as they die together and haunting music plays. A sad ending for poor Spinosaurus. Xena/Gabrielle sit together, discussing Gabrielle 'finding her way' and Xena says Gabrielle's *her* way.

As Ares feels up Xena's life thread with the Fates. Seraphin/Sméagol-priest bow before goopy Hope (whose head's somehow clean since our last shot of her), Callisto's opening one-liner is about being "all misty-eyed" at the mother/child reunion, Hope uses her mind-powers to disarm Xena, and once again Hudson Leick has a way with words (in this instance, it's the way she says the last two from her line "you just lost your one chance before she hatched, Xena."). Gabrielle's attempts at warning Xena what happens if she kills Hope are ignored, Xena/Callisto fight (there's flashes whenever Callisto hits Xena...illustrating her godliness, I guess), Callisto creates a fireball, Xena warns her Hope's using her/not to turn her back on her, Callisto retorts Xena's speaking from experience (referring to Gabrielle) before getting her legs kicked out from under her so the fireball hits the roof, burying her underneath rocks for the umpteenth time. Xena's comeback? "Experience THAT!".

Hope/Gabrielle's staring contest amuses me, as does Gabrielle shoving Seraphin aside when she's blathering on. Xena chakrams Hope's arm/makes her bleed, momentarily freeing Seraphin from Hope's mind-control, until Hope regains control/sends Xena's chakram back at her. Clearly Hope's a one-trick pony, preparing to fling further weapons at Xena who cuts down a shield from the roof as protection. Once free of her rockpile, Callisto's got a fireball with Xena's name on it until Hope yells her name (ROC's-voice-as-Hope is raspy/guttural) while Gabrielle stops Xena going after Hope (who Callisto whisks away). Pi$$ed-off Xena hits Gabrielle where it hurts; basically blaming her for any blood Hope spills. Speaking of 'hurt', although Xena's patching up Seraphin's apparently-not-fatal-wound, it causes her some well-deserved-pain. It's funny watching Seraphin's reaction to Xena saying she'd gladly die to be rid of Hope after Gabrielle informs her about the Fates getting all snippy-snippy on her life-thread. Xena kinda makes up for her meanness by saying Gabrielle's the one she LOVES most in the world...but ruins the moment by saying she looks exactly like the one she HATES the most.

Callisto's interrupted mid-insulting-of-Gabrielle, as Hope wants to be made to resemble her mother. Callisto obliges, replacing Hope's goopy nakedness with Gabrielle's look/outfit (complete with staff). Callisto's uninterested/dismissive "Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, glory hallelujah!", when Hope's talking about her worshippers/Dahak-entering-the-world, is amusing. She wants Hope to kill her already, but Hope has further use for her (Xena was right, but Callisto's too blinded/doesn't see) who's not the *only* one that's become somebody's b!tch as evidenced by Ares kneeling before the roaring-flame-of-Dahak and amending his "joining you" comment to "serving you" after the flame growls angrily. Xena greets Sméagol-priest with "Welcome THIS!" (find a new theme, Xena). As she kicks priest ar$e, Ares appears to Gabrielle, reminding her what she already knows regarding the Fates and she awesomely calls him out on his new Dahak's-b!tch status.

Callisto finds blasting heads-of-Ares-statues cathartic. Her expectant "Well, COME ON!" when he appears is funny. She's pi$$ed at being left-out-of-the-loop by Hope regarding Ares joining their team and starts losing it (more than usual). You can tell by all her stressed-out-hair-touching. After her foot-stomping "I want it NOW!" tantrum regarding the hind's-blood-dagger, she gets into godly fisticuffs with Ares. Kevin Smith does a good job with his reaction to her reminding him she killed Strife and also gets the amusing line about Hope SO not being like her mother when the two of them snog as Callisto disappears, understandably disgusted. Xena/Gabrielle spy villagers-being-led-to-the-slaughter-by-Dahak's-priests. Seraphin, refusing to be used again, attempts suicide-via-cliff-jumping, Xena jumps after her/catches her, Callisto appears above, Xena hilariously tosses Seraphin through the air to safety, which Callisto applauds before calling a truce. Her describing Ares/Hope as "rolling around like weasels" is funny. Even funnier is Gabrielle being informed her daughter's "in heat". Callisto's dialogue throughout is great, including her "I scratch your back, you stab mine." deal she wants to make with Xena.

Hope telekinetically breaks the stone railing where Hercules stashed the hind's-blood-dagger...it's gone. Joxer's whacked on the helmet/knocked unconscious by Seraphin-with-a-log (who fled after Xena saved her worthless ar$e) when he's attempting to stop the villagers-being-led-to-the-slaughter-by-Dahak's-priests. Callisto's following Xena, practically *begging* her to use the hind's-blood-dagger on her, Xena wants her to live with her suffering, Callisto says it's more a 'boredom thing', Gabrielle convinces Xena to accept Callisto's offer/help, while Joxer amusingly interacts with Hope-who-he-thinks-is-Gabrielle, as she wants him to describe his feelings for her/their 'relationship'. As Xena fights priests-attacking-villagers, Callisto hinders-as-much-as-she-helps, blasting priests and villagers alike, clearly enjoying herself whilst letting loose/burning things. Joxer knocks himself out with his sword in his attempt to stop her whilst Hope-pretending-to-be-Gabrielle-so-Xena-leads-her-to-the-dagger doesn't take too kindly to Xena saying Hope deserves to suffer. Xena's no fool, pulling a dagger on her, but Ares vamooses with her (Hope's powers are SO iffy/undefined. She telekinetically moves objects/breaks stone...but requires *others* to change her look/transport her places?). Joxer's typical clumsiness this time earns him particular nastiness from Xena. Ted Raimi elicits sympathy as Xena's yelling/abusing him/socking-him-in-the-face. He leaves like a kicked puppy.

A deleted scene from the campfire chat between Xena/Callisto exists where Callisto explains she felt no pleasure/fulfillment upon hearing Xena-screaming-over-Solan's-body. It's, like, their BEST SCENE/should've NEVER been cut. Ares appears, Xena's worked out he's knocked-up Hope, Gabrielle refrains from barfing. Before storming Dahak's temple, Gabrielle meets with Hope, saying she wishes she'd finished her off and Xena/Gabrielle basically profess their love (both really good scenes/well-acted). Once inside, Xena kicks ar$e/easily puts out the Dahak-flame by dropping a BIG BALL on it. Joxer gets a hero moment, tossing Xena the hind's-blood-dagger. Callisto blasts Ares/gives him yellow-flamed-skin. Xena advances on Hope, who telekinetically turns the dagger on her, but Xena regains control/is about to stab Hope when suddenly, after pole-vaulting-using-her-staff, Gabrielle embraces Hope, turning to face Xena, before plummeting into the lava pit below. Gabrielle's self-sacrifice gives Callisto the giggles, claiming it's given her reason to live...so Xena ends her life. Callisto's touching-Xena's-face-then-sensually-dragging-her-hand-down-Xena's-body-as-way-of-saying-thank-you/goodbye is PERFECT (as is the acting from Lucy, Renée and Hudson throughout). Everything shakes, Ares skedaddles, Xena/Joxer are sad.

A pig (is that Porkules' girlfriend?) watches as the vortex Hercules threw Callisto into opens, familiar hands appear, followed by a torso (I'm imagining this is how she emerged from the womb), before she screamingly dives out, basically declaring her sheer awesomeness being why it couldn't contain her (I don't disagree). It appears she's going to get her cookout after all (the pig's either very dumb or paralysed with fear as it just stands there/squeals), but instead of frying some bacon, Callisto simply shoos it away with her finger. Her pouty expression as she strokes her neck (minus the hind's blood pendant), watching the pig flee, amuses me. We cut to dancing-midriffs-of-scantily-clad-mask-wearing-women-who're-apparently-NOT-Amazons and priests who're about to sacrifice Gabrielle's childhood friend, Seraphin, until Xena intervenes (considering how annoying Seraphin is throughout the episode, they should've just let it happen). Xena offs some priests, then Callisto stops by for a little priest-throat-slitting before disappearing.

Xena/Gabrielle think the worship/sacrifices are for Callisto, who's taken the 'Priest of the Flesh' into a cave where there's some really disturbing sounds going on. Hudson Leick somehow manages to make words such as 'pumpkin' and 'flesh' (when she's talking about carving up the PotF like he's a Sunday roast) sound so fun/interesting. Ares, creeper that he is, freely admits to having been watching Xena all this time. He asks her about the hind's blood, she expositions about Callisto having killed Strife with it, he's offended that someone-not-born-a-god wants to be like the rest of them and Xena DGAF about his concern for himself/other gods. Sacrifice Time, Take 2! The cultists think the PotF's gone to a better place, now it's time for Priestess of the Blood...who's actually Xena in disguise, whooping butt until Callisto arrives. The following is an excellent scene, as there's SO much history between their characters, which both Lucy/Hudson convey.

Xena asks to hear Callisto's plan, but she's doesn't fall for that classic villain mistake. Again, Hudson seemingly relishes every word/makes the most of her dialogue, whether it's her 'tsk-tsk-tsk' at Xena or saying 'decoration' (in reference to her sword), which she says SO deliciously while fighting/flirting with Xena. When Callisto wonders if she's toying with Xena or vice versa, it sounds totally flirtatious, then her annoyed reaction/scoff upon realising Xena's actually delaying her is quite funny. She sends a fireball Xena's way, but Ares gets hit instead as he materialises (amusingly patting out his flaming chest), wanting vengeance against Callisto for using him/killing Strife in the H:TLJ crossover. Callisto blows Ares a kiss...albeit loaded with a fireball, he catches it/shoots it back, she dodges, grabs the head priest, then disappears. Xena figures out this is all about Hope, Seraphin continues being annoying as she praises the murderer of Xena's son...earning her a well-deserved-sword-pointed-at-her-face-whilst-essentially-being-told-to-STFU by Xena (Seraphin appears satisfyingly rattled by this).

Ares reappears, he's all for Xena killing Hope, and wants her leading his army...which she wants no part of. Callisto's preparing to sacrifice the head priest (who Hudson Leick likened to Sméagol from LotR in her commentary for the episode), but learns that won't work/it's *Seraphin's* blood that's needed. Meanwhile, Ares prepares to assemble the 'largest army ever'...which somehow I doubt will actually happen. Not just because of this show's budget, but also because he's visited by a pillar of flame (wonder who THAT could be?). Gabrielle/Seraphin reminisce boringly before Seraphin walks off all offended-like after learning Gabrielle is Hope's mother. Apparently that 'better place' the PotF went to involved his flesh being stripped from his bones/used to mold Hope's cocoon/egg (when Sméagol-priest's surprised Callisto knew to do this, she's all like "It's pretty self-explanatory."). Callisto wants Sméagol-priest to translate/speak egg, ensuring Hope knows why 'Auntie Callisto's' doing all this for her (ie. She wants oblivion in return). Note Hudson's rubbing-the-palms-of-her-hands-together movement as Callisto expresses her *need* for her own existence to just be OVER already.

Seraphin's *still* boring, things improve once Xena locates the cave, Callisto's "Oh, she's so good." is almost sexual in Hudson's delivery. They flirt/fight some more, Xena chops off Callisto's hand (eliciting an amusing "Ouch! Don't do that."), which she instantly regrows. I love Callisto's half-bow/arm-sweep whilst saying, "Welcome to my world...now get ready to leave it!". She's smart enough NOT to fall for Xena's attempt at getting her to use her powers, thereby bringing the cave down upon herself/trapping her like last time. Unfortunately, what she DIDN'T see coming was Xena having a hidden shield *outside* the cave, which she uses to bounce back Callisto's fireball that she hurls (Hudson's delivery of, "Can you say...nighty-night?" followed by her magnificent scream is awesome), causing her temporary-burial-under-rocks after all. Before Xena can kill Eggbert, Ares disappears with it back to his pad. Obviously his chat with Daddy Fire Pillar's got him making with the nice-nice since he's letting cocooned-Hope sit upon his throne, saying he's forgiven her/Callisto for killing Strife and trying to kill him too.

Seraphin's Priestess-of-the-Blood-ness attracts Dahak-worshipping-zombie-villagers, Xena fights them whilst Gabrielle hides Seraphin in a hut. There's a great moment where Seraphin stubbornly won't leave, so Xena punches her lights out, before flying straight up through the roof (carrying the unconscious nuisance on her back!), Once she's awake, Seraphin's BS seems to be working on Gabrielle, who lets her go free...but it's all an ELABORATE RUSE to lead Xena/Gabrielle to where Hope's at. Ares kidnaps Gabrielle, calling in his favour for getting her to Chin ahead of Xena, saying the Fates will cut Xena's life-thread (making amusing scissor-cutting-noises/finger-gestures) if she kills Hope. Xena fights Sméagol-priest...who Seraphin gets her fool self stabbed by, she wipes her blood on the cocoon (which Gabrielle prevents Xena from killing), Callisto appears, Hope hatches in gloriously gross/gooey detail (the sound-effects are particularly note-worthy). She's got her mother's eyes...and everything else (she's Gabrielle's doppelgänger). Xena/Gabrielle look shocked, while Callisto-being-Callisto finds it highly amusing. I'll forever remember reading somewhere that Hudson hilariously said all the goo was "yeast infection and snot". While this episode was mainly setup-for-Part-II...it was *entertaining* setup.

Naked Gabrielle's in a sweat hut getting her butt whipped with a plant. Apparently that's the Amazon way of helping her work through the pain of losing her child/being partially responsible for Xena losing hers. It's interesting seeing Joxer interacting with Ephiny (Ted Raimi gets to do some 'serious' acting), as he thinks Gabby's had enough while Ephiny begs to differ. Meanwhile, Xena's off wailing on snow-covered mountains when Ares appears, making an inappropriate (albeit amusing) comment about her 'nice vocal' not being something one can dance to, though she gets him back by calling him a "soulless b@stard". He's encouraging her to return to her murderous ways, basically saying "Faster, pussycat! Kill! Kill!" whilst pointing her in Gabrielle's direction. Callisto never fails to entertain me, as she appears to Gabrielle, caressing her face...then slaps it (should've slapped her butt instead!). She's whispering in her ear/turning her against Xena (who she reckons ruined *both* their lives and was the reason Gabby got demonically-impregnated, so it's all HER fault), and eventually Gabby admits she HATES Xena.

The next scene's super-intense, with Xena whipping poor Argo whilst galloping in, Ephiny trying to reason with her (getting a broken arm for her trouble) and then ordering the Amazons to attack. There should've been at least *one* Amazon who was like, "Screw this! I'm not fighting Xena!" and fled...which is exactly what Joxer tells Gabrielle to do once she's regained consciousness and he's no longer carrying her in his arms (after having displayed his usual bad timing, emerging from her hut just as Xena was demanding Gabrielle's whereabouts). Joxer seeing the bloodlust in Xena's eyes/his "Oh, SH! T!" expression amuses me, but he gets to be heroic by at least *trying* to protect Gabrielle from Xena. Naturally, he's no match for her and he's lucky she took it easy on him. Once she lassos Gabrielle's legs with her whip, I'm glad they made a point of showing her getting on a horse that's NOT Argo (who's probably *glad* to not be party to the famous 'Gab-drag' that follows).

The dragging itself is well-done, as Xena takes Gabrielle for a ride through the countryside after dragging her through the elements of fire, rock and water. She's about to see if Gabrielle can fly through the air, holding her former friend's limp/beaten body above her head and screaming "Vengeance!" (complete with crazy eyes), but Gabrielle awakes, kicks Xena in the face and effective use of slow-mo is used to get across just how major this moment is, with Xena having been about to KILL Gabrielle who declares her hatred for her would-be murderer and then tackles her, sending them both off the cliff into the water below. We're then treated to some poetry (about life/fish) by the unmistakable voice of Hudson Leick, who pulls the naked Xena out and FINALLY Callisto gets to snog Xena after all this time! Yes, it's the kiss of life, but whatever. She's dressed as Aleph/'The Fool' from Tarot cards (other tarot images are depicted by various characters) and it's quite trippy seeing Callisto looking decidedly UN-Callisto-like with her smiley-ness, blonde-bob-haircut-combined-with-green-dress-and-red-tights getup, bag-on-a-stick-with-a-BLINKING-EYE and little white fluffy talking/singing dog.

While Hudson Leick doesn't do her own singing, she provides the 'talking' bits of her song and I think the actual singer's voice matches it well. My favourite parts are Callisto's expression when she's crouched down, gazing up at Xena's naked backside, and then once the song's over, Xena grabbing her by the ear (the way Hudson does this smile as Xena tugs on her ear cracks me up) and Hudson's almost-squeaky "Ow!" when she's tossed to the ground. Everything in between? Well, it's certainly KOOKY with the spinning Wheel of Fortune, and the dubbed singing's good (less so the unpleasing-to-the-ear-singing-creatures), as is Hudson's lively performance. The song itself? Meh. Meanwhile, naked Gabrielle's fished out of a river by an upside-down-Joxer-as-the-Hanged-Man. Her mistaking the Land of Illusia for the the Elysian Fields/her line about how "Only heroes wind up here. Dead heroes. Dead *naked* heroes." as she becomes aware of her nakedness amused me (as did this version of 'Joxer the Mighty', which I remember ALL the words to/I think is the most 'polished' version of the song, thus making it my favourite), then Hangman-Joxer creates her a dress from grass.

Xena's praised-through-song by warriors who can't sing that well (though them peeking out from behind their shields as they chant "Xena!" is funny). Whereas Kevin Smith/Ares-as-the-Emperor, spinning around on a throne, thankfully *can* sing. Sadly, the actress playing Gabrielle's sister (Lila) cannot...though gives it a go anyway. While Xena's surroundings are dark/gloomy, Gabrielle-who's-now-dressed-as-the-Empress is in bright/cheery surroundings...but is amusingly provided with a scythe/told that killing Xena would be 'kind'. Unfortunately, she's outmatched by Xena-as-the-Queen-of-Swords. A blue-lipped-Joxer-as-the-Hermit declares Gabby's deadness, Xena-as-Death gets serenaded by Ares (his parting line, "Nothing more need be said. Ding-dong, the b!tch is dead." is unexpected/morbidly amusing), Callisto-now-dressed-as-Justice asks-in-song if Xena feels any better, Xena expresses regret upon realising what she's done as an *alive* Gabrielle appears to make her feel guilty. Xena justifying it as having killed an 'illusion' non-surprisingly *doesn't* comfort Gabrielle.

They're transported to the Hall of Echoes, where they yell accusations/blame at each other for the past, a flaming Wheel of Fortune appears, once again Gabrielle's menaced by fire/pulled towards it, ending up on an altar with bloodied hands, reminded of her first kill. A low-rent Dementor (Torment) floats through the air, summoning cloaked figures (Caesar, Khrafstar, Callisto, Ares...plus black-eyed/'dark' versions of Xena/Gabrielle who're about to break the legs of/stab real Xena/Gabrielle). They sing about hate winning, but Xena and Gabrielle explode them with their song about love/forgiveness or whatever (LL can sing, while ROC's singing is obviously dubbed). Torment's revealed as Ming T'ien (who Gabrielle learns Xena killed), he's destroyed, Solan appears, Xena finally tells him he's her son. Once this unfinished-business is settled, Xena/Gabrielle end up back home on a beach, laughing together, their friendship having been magically mended by the power of song!

Xena and Gabrielle return to where Xena's son, Solan, lives with the centaurs. He's still hopeless, but Xena/Gabrielle humour him. The new actor playing Kaleipus the centaur is definitely an improvement over who came before, bringing dignity to the character. Elsewhere, a girl-who's-totally-Hope is playing with her ball that she 'accidentally' drops down into the lava pit where Callisto was trapped with Velasca, thereby 'unintentionally' freeing the former...but not the latter (apparently Velasca was originally intended to return, but Melinda Clarke wasn't available, so things got rewritten. Just as well, as I think her inclusion would've made the episode cluttered). Callisto appears in spectacular fashion, goddess that she is, and the girl-who's-totally-Hope's eyes roll back in her head as she seemingly faints (twice).

After Ephiny's lame 'surprise' for Gabrielle (it's just Ephiny, her centaur son and Solan), she senses Gabrielle's troubled and sends the kids outside to play, but not before taking her son's pretty awesome-looking wooden wolf named Lucas from him so he doesn't lose it (smart!). Gabrielle mentions the wooden lamb she gave her own child...which, oh btw, she had and then 'lost', but doesn't elaborate. Meanwhile, Callisto thinks the peace totems for the treaty that's going on with the centaurs are 'pathetic', roasts them, then does the same to some sentries after giving them a deliciously evil look/grin. After her talk with Ephiny, Gabrielle's smart enough to realise the-girl-who's-totally-Hope is hiding in the room...but *not* smart enough to keep her defenses up and immediately buys into this intruder's 'innocent' act, as she says a 'monster-lady' gave her a message for Xena (who's WAY ahead of everyone else, knowing Callisto's behind the dead sentries).

The girl-who's-totally-Hope delivers Callisto's message to Xena (which is basically that Callisto knows about/is going to off Xena's son). Xena plans to hide Solan in some caves, Gabrielle wants to send the totally suspicious child messenger there too...but she's disappeared. Cut to her reporting back to Callisto (who's pretty funny with how intense/rough she gets brushing the kid's hair whilst relishing the pain she plans to cause Xena by offing her son). It's soon revealed the girl is Hope (*GASP*), as she flings the brush away using her powers, going on about her father, Dahak. Solan claims he's not a baby...yet acts like one, as those who care about him want him safe in the caves. Gabrielle's bumps into Hope again, causing her to 'accidentally' drop her wooden lamb, FINALLY clueing Gabrielle in on who she really is...though, of course, doesn't bother to TELL anyone. Keeping secrets never ends well, Gabrielle.

Xena's leading someone-in-a-cloak-who's-totally-not-Solan through the woods when she smells burning, Callisto appears/flirts with Xena, making various fire-related puns/remarks and there's this morbidly amusing dialogue from her where she sounds flippant about her own murdered family, saying Xena 'barbequed' them, then she's all "Now it's MY turn to host the cookout!" and Solan's 'the guest of honour'. Hudson Leick's delivery is great. Once she discovers it *isn't* Solan in the cloak, Callisto's disappointed reaction/Hudson's delivery of "...Gabrielle." is hilarious. She then gives away that she isn't working alone. Speaking of, Hope's currently offing poor Kaleipus in the caves (it's a testament to the actor's performance that I actually *care* about his character dying after spending so little time with him, though he's annoyingly vague with his dying description of his killer to Xena). The kid playing Hope is decent. The one playing Solan? Not so much. Though he gets a good scene with Xena (Lucy Lawless does all the heavy-lifting in their scenes together), talking about how everyone he cares for dies. She still doesn't inform him she's his mum, but nevertheless he wants to travel with her and Gabrielle, which she eventually agrees to (thus spelling his doom).

Hope's in the caves, weakened after using her powers to kill the 'half-a$$ed old man' (which explains her earlier 'fainting'), and Callisto wants to kill Solan herself, but Hope threatens to take away all she promised her if she does...so then Callisto amusingly plops down beside Hope, doing these funny shifting-in-place movements whilst sitting, and Hope says their target is the children. When Hope next talks to Gabrielle, she plays her mum like a fiddle and this ends with Gabrielle foolishly sending her to 'the safest place there is'...which ain't so safe for Solan, who probably thought he'd found himself a girlfriend (that's until she looks at him murderously). Gabrielle informs the others of Callisto's kill-the-children plan, Xena's suspicious and they get into an argument that results in Gabrielle revealing Hope's still alive. LL does some excellent acting here after the reveal of Hope/learning that Gabrielle sent her to where Solan was. She finds him quite dead, yells at Gabrielle to get out, then screams.

Hudson Leick gives a nuanced performance as Callisto soaks up Xena's grief...but her reaction changes and it's clear that she's NOT fulfilled like she'd hoped. Even though earlier Solan's name was mentioned in front of Hope SEVERAL times, her slipping up that she knows it is apparently enough evidence to motivate Gabrielle to FINALLY do what she should've done to begin with: ie. Off the demon-spawn (with poison she tips into a wineskin). Callisto now seems so over everything, not even mustering up much reaction to Xena shooting her with an arrow/icy glare. Others join in, Callisto becomes a pincushion, but then she screams and her eyes/face light up, shooting the arrows out of her back at the archers. She follows Ephiny and the children into the caves, then gives a great speech to Xena about how nothing's changed even after getting her vengeance against her. She hardly even puts up a fight as Xena releases all her rage, tricking Callisto into blasting lightning everywhere and collapsing the cave onto herself, trapping her as Xena backflips/flies out. She sees Hope's covered body (though did she see Gabrielle consider drinking the poison/offing herself too?). Both mothers watch their kids burn on funeral pyres. LL and ROC totally sell their characters' grief/rift.

In a stable, Xena's rudely awakened from her slumber by a rooster crowing and Joxer entering/being his usual annoying self (though he's nice enough to bring Gabrielle goose eggs), we learn Gabrielle's not a morning person (her "I'll rise, but I refuse to shine." is how I am) and Joxer gets hit with a horseshoe from above resulting in him literally having egg on his face (Gabrielle NOT telling him she doesn't even *like* goose eggs, as he volunteers to get more, is a d!ck move). A Montague/Capulet-like feud plays out in town, leading to Joxer bravely/foolishly intervening and then dying in Gabrielle's arms as a result (this is a prime example of the show expertly turning on a dime from humourous to serious). Speaking of arms, Gabrielle falls asleep in Xena's while Joxer's body burns on a pyre...though Joxer fans shouldn't fear, as he's very much *alive* by morning.

Xena's actually relieved, amusingly giving him a noogie/doing a shadow boxing-like maneuver (complete with comical facial expression) and thinking it was all a dream...until Joxer's hit with the horseshoe again (this time on his foot, after Xena tells him to step back). Gabrielle's attempt to understand Xena's explanation is amusingly confusing, Joxer gets philosophical/intuitive as he theorises they're all just part of someone else's thoughts/imagination, then faints upon hearing of his own bloody death...but springs back up at the mention of Gabrielle crying over him. She and Xena answering "Yes." in unison to him asking whether they think he'd be stupid enough to get between two guys with swords is funny, but what's *not* funny is this time around one side of the fighting families punish Xena for seemingly 'siding' with the other by killing ALL the horses in the stable (after the horseshoer refused to tell them which was hers). Thankfully, we're spared seeing the carnage. Xena's heartbroken reaction's enough.

Joxer nobly takes the blame for Argo's death (clearly Xena's more upset by it than she was by Joxer's), but luckily Argo's ALIVE when the day restarts. Xena tries to spare Joxer from getting egg-face, but his continual questioning her leads to the same result. She's frustrated at again having to explain the day repeating and knows the warring families have something to do with it. Joxer says 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend', suggesting they can be the enemy that brings the families together (understandably, numerous people have bonded over their mutual hatred of him in the past). Xena learns one family member, Casca, got hit by a cart and resolves to save him. The next time around, Joxer doesn't even get to finish his "Rise and shine!" greeting, as Xena knocks him on his ar$e whilst rushing to rescue the old deaf Casca...which she *does*, but his hat isn't so lucky.

While Gabrielle's again attempting to understand everything, Joxer suggests Xena staying awake all night as he sings to her (which I found pretty funny, as well as her losing patience with him whilst trying to remain calm/polite). Xena denies any Fates/Ares/food/poison darts/Bacchae bites involvement regarding her behavior, leading to the famous "Is that a hickey?" question from Joxer (Gabrielle's reaction answers that). Apparently saving Casca changed nothing, the families still fight over anything/everything and this time Gabrielle dies. Whilst grieving, Xena tells herself it'll be alright. The amusing sound coming from the pile of hay, when Xena sticks her hand into it the next morning, confirms Gabrielle's alive. Joxer seeing them embracing/wanting to get in on the 'group hug' (when he's clearly not invited) is great too. Although I hate animal violence, him suggesting that the rooster's to blame and Xena offing it with her chakram (complete with resulting explosion of feathers) is pretty funny, as is Xena's angry yelling when this doesn't fix things.

In one loop, Xena informs Gabrielle of Joxer's affections and he's embarrassed, but naturally neither of them remembers this later. Family feuds keep happening despite Xena's best efforts to stop them; she learns someone's used fatal night's bane poison and Joxer gets to put his plan/annoyingness to good use in having the families come together to shoot arrows at all three of them. But not even DEATH is enough to put Xena out of her misery. What follows is the BEST moment of the episode, which is her just finally being fed-up with Joxer and burying her chakram in his chest (knowing full-well he'll be fine). Without an explanation for this, Gabrielle's understandably shocked, the moment's clearly played for laughs and obviously this was intended to give all Joxer-haters what they'd wanted ever since his introduction. While it *could've* been viewed as 'mean-spirited', it's well-done/actually hilarious. As is the next loop starting with Xena leaving the stable after having tied up Gabrielle/Joxer to keep them out of trouble (Gabrielle's face is highly comical).

This time around Xena does some serious investigating, trying to find out who bought the night's bane and being subjected to crunchy/unappetizing-looking muffins as she finds out how the two families are connected. With this new information, the following loop begins with Xena happy/enthusiastic, her amusingly answering Gabrielle's/Joxer's questions before they've even asked (particularly of note is her expression when answering one question with "Yes, *both* ways.") and making peace between the two houses. Xena's *convinced* this fixed everything...so, naturally, when she loops again, her EPIC temper tantrum is understandable. Even better is her seemingly having gone crazy, as she leans on her head whilst upside down and explains the events thus far to Gabrielle/Joxer who just sit there with the same comical expressions on their faces from morning till nighttime. Xena learns that a Romeo/Juliet-like couple (plus Cupid) are responsible for the time-loop, while her math/geometry skills and chakram are the heroes of the episode that finally break the time-loop. Xena grabs Gabrielle's turnips, which Joxer brought instead of eggs, and the episode ends with a freeze-frame of them laughing at him after he's hit in the head by a hammer instead of a horseshoe.

Gabrielle gives Ephiny the Amazon Queen mask now that she's leaving and asks Xena whether an Amazon Queen beats a Warrior Princess. Ephiny's got no appreciation for Gabrielle's sense of humour (then again, Gabby's 'joke' about Amazon parades isn't particularly funny, whereas Ephiny's deadpan response actually *is*). They're interrupted by a screaming Velasca, who's miraculously survived her impalement from last episode (Xena's SO surprised, she makes head whooshing noises for no reason) and politely put up with all that pain on her long walk back just so she could make a big show of eating the Jell-O/ambrosia (which we see THREE TIMES) that creates swirly lightning around her face, gives her all-white eyes, and seemingly makes her a GIANT...except not.

Amazons get blasted by Velasca's Emperor-like lightning fingers, Xena saves Gabrielle/Ephiny and is apparently the *only* one to realise that retreat is the SMART option, so Ephiny makes a cuckoo call (which probably confused some birds). Xena also notices Velasca's momentarily weakened when using her powers. I know Velasca was the show's attempt to give Gabrielle her very own nemesis...but, honestly, Melinda Clarke just seems to be using playing a god as an excuse to overact/yell a lot. She's no Callisto, that's for sure. Again, Ephiny's great at understated humour, as her response to Xena telling her to get more cannon fodder/Amazons to delay Velasca is, "Shouldn't be a problem. I think I'm high on her list of things to do.", and after pointing out Xena's dislocated arm (which she hasn't even noticed), I loved Xena making it 'all better' by casually ramming it into a wall, then showing Ephiny (whose simple "Yeah." response amused me).

Gabrielle maintains she's 'alright' with being #1 on Velasca's hit list...but clearly *isn't*. Xena's expression after realising she knows where she can 'find an immortal to fight an immortal' tells us everything. Cut to Callisto who, after her crossover to Hercules' show (where he scarred her with fire/trapped her), is unfairly putting all her ill-will towards Herc on a poor innocent rat (which she reassures ISN'T food). Hudson Leick (deservedly receiving 'Special Guest Star' status this episode) brilliantly plays how cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs Callisto's become with her line deliveries, rocking back and forth as she strokes the rat before letting it free (only to end its life) and disturbing laughter. Understandably, Gabrielle's p.o.'d at Xena's solution. Meanwhile, the Amazons lure Velasca into a trap that, non-surprisingly, achieves very little.

There's excellent creepy music playing/atmosphere as Xena's lowered into Callisto's 'little resort' and calls out her name, receiving a reply that would unnerve most people. As Callisto always does, she flips her way into the scene, before catching Xena up on what's occurred with her, sounding even MORE unhinged than usual. I loved Xena's threat about being able to "still do damage. How'd you like to spend eternity in five pieces?". Callisto agrees to help Xena after being promised a shot at some ambrosia. She greets Gabrielle in her unique Callisto way, earns a staff across the face (which obviously has no effect) for asking if Gabs has any new hubbies, then shows just how crazypants she is, helping inflict pain on HERSELF by plunging her sword into her own midriff (neat effect!) and pulling it out like some bizarre party trick. Immortals don't bleed and heal fast (except in pieces, apparently). I enjoy Gabrielle's antagonistic dynamic with Callisto, who's adamant about them making 'a wee little stop' (leading to one of the episode's BEST scenes).

In a village, Callisto's forced Xena to confess her past sins, starting with "Some call me the Warrior Princess. Some call me murderer." (not 'the space cowboy'?), then admitting to burning Callisto's village of Cirra/killing everything there/destroying young Callisto's soul. Lucy's great with Xena's guilt/confession, but Hudson's acting throughout is something else. Just watch her expression change, as at first Callisto takes joy in watching Xena confess, but then she appears to show FEELINGS. The look she gives Xena says SO MUCH. The villagers just want to get back to their lives; Xena's all business, whilst Gabrielle's freaked out at Callisto displaying human emotions. Elsewhere, Velasca's ranting/raving at Artemis, destroying her temple and obviously DOES believe in 'killing the messenger'. At a canyon, Callisto suggests she and Xena both eat ambrosia so they can fight each other for eternity. Xena seems amused by this prospect, while I'M amused by the looks/winks Callisto gives Gabrielle (and her reactions to them).

When Velasca arrives, Callisto seemingly betrays Xena and tries to make a new friend, but Velasca's not interested...even when Callisto warns her Xena's tricking her into draining her powers (Callisto shoving Velasca to the ground like they're kids on the playground amused me). Callisto reteams with Xena, their synchronized swordfighting pushes Velasca back, and by the combined power of Gabrielle's staff/Xena's chakram, Velasca's buried under rocks. The excellent campfire scene that follows involves Gabrielle/Callisto trading questions. Gabrielle asks whether she felt anything back at the village. Callisto claims she feels nothing/only 'bits and pieces', and Gabrielle even looks to be sympathising, but then there's that twisted Callisto humour as she asks her how long it took her hubby to die.

Velasca-as-a-tornado tracks them down, Xena's plan is to get her onto a rope bridge/dump her into the lava pit below. Gabrielle ends up hanging from it after gaining possession of the ambrosia and, at Xena's behest, gives it to Callisto who eats it greedily, becoming a god and doing a freaky tongue thing whilst saying, "Here comes trouble.", testing her lightning against Velasca's. Neither one notices Xena cutting the rope bridge and just continue throttling each other as they fall into lava. After Xena's death-defying leap (that's shown THRICE!) to save Gabrielle, she asks Xena whether she thinks Callisto felt sorry about the things she'd done. Xena's blunt "No!" is amusing, but Gabrielle disagrees and thus forgives Callisto so she can move on. Apparently lava turned Callisto/Velasca into bronze statues (accompanied by reused footage of their faces from minutes ago hovering above).

Xena-in-Callisto's-body still freaks out Gabrielle, who suggests she dye her hair. This is the first of several instances throughout the episode where Xena hauls Gabrielle away. Their intruder is just Joxer delivering an invite supposedly from Ares that's meant for Callisto, but Xena points out Ares knows about the body-swap/that Callisto's in Tartarus, thus the invite's from someone *posing* as Ares. Joxer asks Gabrielle if she's got the hang of the whole Xena/Callisto thing (she says "About half the time.") and makes a crack about her pretending to be a fierce warrior stuck in the body of Gabrielle (dude, she's kicked your ar$e MULTIPLE times!). Speaking of 'a$$', Gabrielle's ready to kick some when spying two warlords who, by Xena's account, HATE each other...yet they're getting along/teaming up.

Two competing fishcake salespeople try to entice Gabrielle to buy their produce, then play tug of war with her before she starts beating them up, causing other villagers to fight and a flying lobster (which Xena catches. The way Hudson Leick looks at this ridiculous thing so seriously amuses me, as does her grabbing Gabrielle by the ear). What's causing all of this unusual aggression? Ares, who's now a drunken hobo, has apparently lost his sword. Gabrielle's eager to take on Ares now he's mortal, he amusingly shoves her away, Xena teaches him what he *thinks* is 'pain' (he reckons it's not so bad), then he learns what REAL pain is from the wine-soaked-rag Xena instructs him to press on his bloody lip (clearly she's enjoying any little bit of payback she can get). Speaking of inflicting hurt on others, Gabrielle's beating up bar patrons and even puts Xena's 'pinch' on one before knocking them out (did she release it or did they die?).

I enjoyed Kevin Smith's portrayal of newly-human Ares, as it showed off his comedic chops, plus he had excellent chemistry with Hudson Leick's Xena. Ares promises to give her body back if she helps him reclaim his sword, but says what I was thinking when he comments how 'magnificently' Xena's wearing Callisto's body (I think how she styles her hair makes quite a difference). We get a look-in at what Callisto-in-Xena's-body is up to in Tartarus, Ares attempts to play on Xena's longing to get her body back, but she seems to have accepted her situation, saying her body doesn't make her who she is, her deeds do. So then Ares changes tactics, blaming the lack of there being a God of War for the normally-peaceful-people suddenly turning violent.

Gabrielle's getting more and more irritable, Xena tells her to recite a poem she likes whenever she's mad (which she *does*, currently feeling 'boiling mad' and voicing her true feelings regarding Xena-in-Callisto's-body), then tells her to stay behind, as she's going to help get Ares' sword back in order to stop everyone totally losing it/killing each other. After they jump one warlord to gain his invitation, they're instructed to leave weapons behind as they board a ship, then a message from 'Ares' plays via spinning thing (which *actual* Ares says sounds nothing like his voice), claiming one of the ten warriors aboard will get to become the new God of War. Some of the warlords boast about besting Xena, but she puts them in their place (complete with Callisto-style hissing). Then Joxer arrives to get himself killed, but Xena saves him by thanking him/instructing him to 'guard the dock', then proceeds to scream in his face and he amusingly pretends to be scared of 'Callisto' before fleeing.

After Ares learns about hangovers, he and Xena hear an ominous growling coming from the castle they're headed for (unbeknownst to them, Gabrielle's ignored Xena's wishes and followed them in a boat with Joxer). Once there, faux-Ares reveals himself to be Sisyphus (who's supposed to be pushing a rock uphill for eternity in Tartarus), he's unaware 'Callisto' is actually Xena and then outs Ares to everyone, before saying whoever bests the noise-making monster will get to be the new God of War. The main flaw in this plan is immediately evident when they draw numbers for the order in which they'll get a crack at the monster. Xena gets first shot at it, some warlords take exception to that, infighting/casualties ensues, Ares gets injured (which he's already sick of), and this leads to an excellent scene between him and Xena.

She quickly works out the weapons they've been provided with are little use against a monster/Sisyphus wants them to off each other. As she's bandaging Ares, he says she's still got her Xena touch, whereas Callisto's 'all animal'/'starts like a cold fish' until you 'press the right buttons', then it's 'quite a ride'. After bringing up his unique experience of being with Callisto-in-Xena's-body (totally glossing over consent issues, though Xena says she'll need to take a long bath once she gets it back), Ares reckons he's never lied to her and she's 'inspired' him to change...but she ain't buying it. Hudson's/Kevin's sizzling chemistry is off-the-charts during this scene. Sadly, they're interrupted by more warlord-offing-warlord action, they kindly move the bodies as they keep piling up, Ares wants Xena to claim the sword/become Goddess of War should he not last, but she wants none of it.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle's losing her mind...which is no surprise, with Joxer as company. He maintains he's keeping it together...then loses it at a fly. They confront the 'monster'...and it's just a stone-faced fan that Joxer stops with a stick (before laughing dementedly). After Xena saves Ares from a trap involving being hung upside-down over a fiery pit with spiked walls closing in, they both fight/kill the remaining warlords, Gabrielle and Joxer appear (informing them the 'monster' is total BS), Xena reunites Ares with his sword, his godhood's restored and he kicks Sisyphus' ar$e back to Tartarus. At first it appears Ares has reneged on giving Xena her body back...but eventually he does, and I'm sad to see Hudson Leick leave the role after her outstanding performance as Xena.

There've been dreams-within-dreams before, but how often are there dreams-within-dreams-within-dreams? Xena/Gabrielle are going after Callisto's men in the woods. You'd think Xena would immediately know something's amiss when her mother randomly appears. It's Ares (who apparently enjoys disguising himself as Xena's parents despite having a thing for her...which is weird) and he's making her feel guilty about serving as 'judge/jury/executioner' regarding Callisto, who also randomly appears, drowning in quicksand, once again begging for Xena's help, before saying she *is* Xena, then blaming her for passing judgement on her whilst claiming she could've changed just as Xena did. The sword in Xena's hand suddenly has a mind of its own, stabbing the helpless Callisto (despite Xena fighting it).

Dream Callisto's scream snaps Xena awake...or does it? When she turns over a slumbering Gabrielle, who becomes a freaky black-eyed dead Callisto, it's revealed Xena's still dreaming. Gabrielle wakes her up and Xena's feeling pretty guilty, asking her what her opinion on the whole matter is. Gabrielle seems normal to begin with...but then it's all aboard the guilt train, as her reassurance turns into blame, basically calling Xena a hypocrite, saying that if Hercules had treated Xena the way she treated Callisto, she'd be dead (and would deserve it MORE). When Xena FINALLY awakens for realsies, I'm surprised she didn't immediately blurt out, "Oh, COME ON!". Xena has lots to feel guilty about, like killing innocents, but killing a psycho murderer? I love Callisto, but even *I* understood Xena's decision to let her die (after having given her several chances).

Callisto's men are using Joxer as a piñata until Xena easily scares them off, there's an amusing bit with him asking if she can cut him down *without* dropping him on his face, she says "No.", and the floor acts as the camera lens as Joxer face-plants it. After a not-very-helpful nighttime chat with Gabrielle, Xena sees Callisto giving her the 'come hither' finger motion, then suddenly she's in the underworld where Callisto explains to her there's a fine line between Tartarus and the real world, and now thanks to her new best friend, Ares (who appears), she's got a chance to escape. He's helping her after having given up trying to turn Xena back into her bad self, they pile the guilt on Xena who finally admits to murder and this is all Callisto requires before spinning Xena around like they're on the dancefloor, except this dance ends with her slamming into a big rock. She pokes Gabrielle awake and it's immediately obvious what's happened, but we're subjected to Callisto-as-Xena snogging Ares to make it blatantly clear.

In Tartarus, Xena-as-Callisto convinces Hades of who she is and he grants her a 1-day free pass to reclaim her body/send Callisto back down or she'll take her place permanently. Up top, despite Ares warning her to steer clear of Xena/wait it out until the day's up, Callisto's fixated on making her suffer (it's too bad they had to write Callisto this way, as usually she's pretty smart). Firstly, she offs Theodorus (for badmouthing her behind her back to who he *thought* was Xena), then she teaches Gabrielle to embrace that bloodlust she once had for Callisto by fighting a tree, and lastly she wants to burn all the people from Xena's village (including her mother) as payback for Xena doing the same to her family. Lucy Lawless definitely makes an effort to change her voice/mannerisms/walk to illustrate she's not Xena, but I did think it was more exaggerated than how Hudson Leick plays her.

So much for Gabrielle being Xena's BFF, as she just shrugs off 'Xena' acting weird. Clearly horses are smarter than people, as Argo's no dummy and is constantly whinnying to warn Gabrielle. Figuring the horse might out her, Callisto-as-Xena sends Gabrielle away and then taunts poor Argo (when she said "Poor dumb animal", you just KNOW Argo was thinking, "I'M not the dumb one! I knew it was you all along!"), splashing her in the face, before slashing her/the camera. Kill all the humans you want, Callisto, but leave animals alone! This scene leads to Joxer getting a heroic moment when he interrupts Xena-as-Callisto as she's trying to save Argo with some plants/sap and is willing to die to protect Xena's horse. She easily flips him out of her way, as nothing's going to prevent her from saving Argo (who she knows Callisto was trying to force her to put down).

Xena-as-Callisto's way of convincing him she's Xena is by using her 'pinch' on him after asking whether he's ever seen Callisto use pressure points (considering Callisto's *obsessed* with Xena, how'd he know she hadn't picked up some of Xena's skills?), then thanks him for standing up to who he *thought* was Callisto on Argo's behalf. Hudson Leick really had the more difficult job this episode, as she can't let loose as she usually does, but instead has to be restrained/calm (without making her performance flat/boring). She's at her most 'Xena-y' later on when she answers Gabrielle's question of whether she's really Xena with a very Xena-esque "Yeah." whilst holding Gabrielle's shoulder. How'd she convince her? Gabrielle interrupted Xena and Callisto fighting in each other's bodies, Xena-as-Callisto had a knife to Callisto-as-Xena's throat, and what Gabrielle said at the start of the episode about not having dreamed since her hubby's death was something Callisto obviously didn't know, she then fled.

Before being pulled back to Tartarus, Xena-as-Callisto manages to put Callisto-as-Xena asleep, they're both in the underworld and now it's time for a little payback (guilt-style) in the form of Callisto's victims (plus her mother) making her feel bad for all the unnecessary killing she did. Callisto-as-Xena spins into the big rock, Xena's freed from Tartarus...but remains stuck in Callisto's body. Gabrielle says this'll take some adjusting to, then tells her the story she dreamt, starting with "I sing the song of Perdicus/Perdicas; the boy I knew, the man I loved"...and Xena's probably wishing she was back in Tartarus.