the time u wish a time machine was a thing. to erase awful minutes Saltburn: A Brutal Bath in Blandness (1 out of 10)
Saltburn aspires to be shocking and transgressive, but ultimately ends up being a confusing mess that leaves you feeling like you need a decontamination shower. The plot is a convoluted slog, following a dull outsider named Oliver who inserts himself into a wealthy, eccentric family. Instead of exploring class or desire in any meaningful way, the film throws grotesquerie at the screen, hoping to stun you into submission.
Prepare to be Bored by Edgy
The characters are a collection of unlikeable stereotypes: the aloof rich family, the pathetic wannabe, and everyone else dripping with enough cynicism to fill an oil tanker. Their dialogue is a series of forced provocations that feel like the screenwriter trying too hard to be edgy.
Shock Value Isn't Storytelling
The film relies heavily on violence and disturbing imagery, but it all feels empty. It's like a teenager trying to get a rise out of their parents with increasingly vulgar language. There's no tension, no payoff, just a sense of desperate shock value that wears thin fast.
A Flat Ending to a Flat Experience
The nonsensical ending is the final nail in the coffin. It doesn't tie up any loose ends, doesn't offer any commentary, and leaves you feeling like you wasted valuable time.
Avoid This Cinematic Salt Lick
Saltburn is a film to actively avoid. It's a confusing mess with unpleasant characters, a nonsensical plot, and a desperate reliance on empty shock tactics. There are countless other films out there that will challenge you, entertain you, or even disturb you in a way that feels meaningful. Don't waste your time on this cinematic salt lick.