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Rotten comedy about a couple of married one percenters - a phoned in Alex Baldwin and Salma Hayek in her worst role in over twenty years- trying to conceal mounting financial difficulties from their co-ed daughter. Or are they trying to maintain their social standing with their snobbish friends? Or maybe struggling with their new circumstances?

The script doesn't seem to know, the actors and director don't seem to know, and you will struggle to care after the first 10 minutes. I'll put it this way, if cack handed jokes about sexual molestation, vigilantes, foul mouthed kids, drunken violence, and brainless toilet humour, float your boat then go right ahead; but there's nothing you've seen here that's been delivered better elsewhere.

Baldwin and Hayek actually had a very good chemistry in 30 Rock. There's the odd hint of this here and there when they're allowed to actually act. Treat Williams crops up in a zero role, looking bemused and ogling Hayek. At least he got something out if it.

The turning point's a horrible cameo from Will Ferrell - that's when I lost patience, right there. Sorry, but gags about homeless men self immolating left a sour taste in my book, lowering an already mediocre comedy into yet further depths. Riches to Rags were the gold standard for the likes of Trading Places or Brewster's Millions; Drunken Parents is just an exercise in bankruptcy with some fairly amoral undertones.

Very stagy and fairly artificial film version of a play of the same name. With the kitchen sink dramas still a good few years away - and I often wondered who was Scotland's answer to Arthur Seaton, Frank Machin and Jimmy Porter? - this was as cutting edge as social commentary was allowed to get.

I'm not going to be too harsh here. Yes, everyone speaks with an Aberdeenshire accent; the tenements look like facsimiles, with none of the filth and grime; the pacing's slow and the acting is variable. However, it was good to see earlier roles from Russell Hunter, Andrew Keir and a couple of others. Some second unit photography of the Saltmarket, The Clyde and the dance halls captures the spirit of the times.

In a couple of ironic twists, I wonder how this feature was received by the local on its release - The Gorbals had over twenty cinemas in the area back in those days, and it was shown back in 2015 in the Citizen Theatre.

Moreover, the action (presumably) takes place a stone's throw from Crown Street, epicenter of the seminal Glasgow novel 'No Mean City'; there's an adaptation we're still waiting for nearly 90 years later!

Back in the early 2000s I briefly encountered a chap in a message board who claimed to have been Luan Peters's agent for short spell in the Seventies. He was coy about details of course, but if he was responsible for her involvement with Not Tonight Darling then I'm not surprised their association was short lived.

In the hands of a Pete Walker (who directed Luan twice and to good effect, and also distributed a few shorts with Border Films) NTD might have worked as gritty kitchen sink drama, a low rent British Gaillo or a lightweight sex farce. As it is, this is dull, aimless wander through 1970s London completely lacks whatsoever in humour, tension, observation or bite. It's like the director didn't know what kind of film he was making and couldn't be bothered finding out.

Apart from some location photography, Luan Peters is the only redeemable feature. She actually brings a degree of believability and emotion to her performance. Sadly, she's let down by the overall tepidness around her; I often wondered, given her popularity throughout the decade, she never reached the same cult status as Ingrid Pitt, Madeleine Smith or Caroline Munro when it was possiblly within her wherewithal; the moral here, maybe, is that favours can rebound.

Then again, NTD was just symptomatic of the malaise gripping British cinema for much of that period and beyond. These problems very nearly broke the Industry; so how much have we learned from them today?

The Word was in its early 90s heyday an anarchic, spontaneous, hip and happening youth programme, that pulled no punches when interviewing celebs and highlighted more than a few good hands.

Alternatively, it was an incoherent, amateurish, vulgar shambles notorious for nudity, foul language and drunken rowdiness.

There was very little middle ground when it came to The Word - it was loved or hated - and Terry Christian, the constant feature of its five year run, very much personified the 'loathe him or love him' attitudes.

Looking back, the list of bands and guests were fairly impressive. Christian, if you could stand him, was aided by a distinctly mixed crowd of eccentric co-presenters - and whatever happened to Dani Behr, Katie Putrick, Hufty and Mark Lamarr (probably the pick of the bunch)?

Ironically, it was cancelled just as many of the Britpop bands it had promoted were taking off.

Packet of 3 was an odd Channel 4 stand up - soap opera hybrid that aired in that pre-graveyard dead zone...in this case it was second fiddle to the then contraversial - now long forgotten - youth magazine The Word.

Enough's been said about the 3 leads; the 4th wheel was an accordionist called Billy Moore who was the warm up guy. Some internet sources claim he was a backup to The Beatles - which they dispute.

I haven't rated this because I haven't seen it since it was first broadcast. I don't have too many memories. Only later I learned this was Shirley McKie's first acting role and am early appearance by Alan Cumming.

The story involved boats, and a ring of sacred stones in Inverclyde (one of many around Scotland). It drew from a long run of fairly dark, intense dramas aimed at young adults - think Chooky, Children of The Stones, The Dark Season or Dramarama.

I'd like to see it again after all these years

When it was first broadcast all those years ago in 1983, as a mini-series named Killer, Glasgow was very much a city of ship building, heavy engineering and manufacturing - most of which for various reasons was in terminal decline.

Killer caught the character of that city that is now long gone - the cranes, dingy streets, sawdust pubs, old tenements and schemes - and that's been the one constant in Taggart. The evolving face of the city of Glasgow...and it's implicable, unchanging, nature.

The late Mark McManus - in a first rate performance - perfectly eptimisoed the lead character and his city - hard drinking, hard bitten, tough and laconic; yet possessing a dry humour, savviness and a very real decency. In his obituary McManus was described as a sensitive, intelligent man a world away from the character - and as fondly regarded as he was by many Glaswegians, fame did not come easily to McManus. Very sadly, his association with the role led to some verbal abuse and physical harassment. Towards the end of his life he went through a series of difficult breavements.

The other lead player was always Glasgow. It's fascinating watching the evolution of Glasgow over the course of each season. Perhaps my favourite episode was 'Root of Evil' set against the backdrop of debt collectors, Morningside (in Edinburgh) and the immensely popular but now almost forgotten 1988 Garden Festival. It was great stuff...as was 'Evil Eye', ' Flesh and Blood', 'Double Jeopardy' and 'Hostile Witness'.

Also noteworthy was the guest appearances and cameos. Alan Cumming, Robert Carlyle, Diane Keen, John Hannah, Jill Gascoigne and Celia Imrie - very striking as a gangster's moll - all made welcome appearances.

Taggart was more than just a hard copper. Inspired from Glasgow's literature, particularly William McIlvanney's subtle, underrated Laidlaw series - another detective with many of Taggart's characteristics. Any coincidence that the theme song was 'No Mean City'?

In short the McManus era is definitely a worthwhile watch. It's currently playing on UK Drama - I certainly catch it when I can.

Great interpretation of Brian Clough - the greatest manager England never hadbut any number of clubs were grateful that he was there! - short lived yet stormy spell (44 Days!) at Leeds United, a highly successful but universally loathed club built in the cynical image of Clough's nemesis Don Revie.

Based on an equally contraversial novel by David Peace, author of the Red Riding Quartet, also adapted as a mini series by Channel 4, Michael Sheen portrays an ambitious, driven yet oddly Quixotic man's mission to reform a Club he believed can winning cleanly but fairly...yet one he bitterly criticised as up and coming manager of an equally successful Derby County.

It's a great take on a turbulent time in English football. Worth reading the novel too.

For 30 odd years I wondered if this show was a figment of my imagination! The theme song still lingers in my head, even after all these years.

Glad my worries have been put to rest. And did *anyone* go and see Robin Askwith theatrical version of Run For Wife?!

A Minor spoiler ahead.

Probably the pick of the sit-com transfers of the mid Seventies (only Dad Army's or Steptoe and its sequel rank as genuine contenders - the least said the likes of Man About The House, On The Buses, Love Thy Neighbour or Rising Damp...)

Quality of source material counts for a lot here; very wisely, the writers avoid going down the hacknied prequel route, or overloading us with new characters or unfamiliar situation. Instead they tap into the strengths of the original settings and ensemble with great success. This actually feels cinematic - albeit modest yet very effective. Not a glorified TV special or a few bolted together episodes which characterized many paler imitations.

The Essex / Kent countryside looks bleak, austere and beautifully photographed. The cast are top notch - Barker, Vaughn, McKay and Beckinsdale especially relish the opportunity to explore their harder edges, aided by a dry, understated quality script with a tangible pathos (kudos to Joe Brown's memorable closing track); everyone here - the screws included - is trapped in the system....and not just by the bars.

Fletcher counsels Lennie Godber that if they display patience both will be free - and clear. But the society that determined their imprisonment was about to undergo some huge changes, almost as significant as the ones we face now. Free and clear, yes, but into what exactly?

I granted this a 3 solely on the presence of an underused Anna Faris, who, ironically, is sometimes compared to Goldie Hawn. Hollywood especially has a habit of saddling unwanted labels or expectations and such comparisons rarely end well. In this case, Farris - a good performer in her own right, witness House Bunny or even Scary Movie 1 to 3 - deserves better than half baked comparisons...or a lame remake that I doubt even Goldie Hawn in her 80s heyday could have salvaged.

Eugenio Derves may as well have remained in his coma for all the energy he brings, but like Farris, he's given little to work with beyond laboured jokes and contrived situations, all painfully magnified by some mediocre direction and a witless script.

Eva Longaria was credited a producer, and while I think she has some honourable intentions generally, it makes me wonder why this was even made - this is just another remake with a couple of gender swap gimmicks tagged on; nothing can hide the lack of creative energy, or the staleness of a storyline suffocating in its own dead air.

Given the reputation of Iain M Banks as a writer of unorthodox sci - fi and contraversial novels, I am surprised that only 2 of his works have ever been adapted for screen - The Crow Road (which I never liked either as a book or series) and Complicity, his only film outing.

Complicity was a violent, dark thriller, that furiously critiqued the excesses of Thatcherism. When freewheeling, amoral, drug addicted journalist Cameron Colle is drawn into a complex web of murder and deception as he probes the (supposedly) interlinked murders of several ruthless, shadowy Establishment types; the core of the case is too close for his own comfort; or the comfort of his condescending smug yuppy mates (who have the irritating habit of calling St Andrews - 'St Andy's'!?).

The film is decent enough but I think it lacks the novel's darkness, political comment and savage bite; the cast are interesting, and the acting's fine, and Jonny Lee Miller's OK as a lead, but it felt more a like a TV movie than a feature. It's worth seeing, but probably no more than once.

As for another Banks novel, Espedair Street, meanwhile,...could someone, somewhere, please consider this for movie or a mini series?

PS. Complicity the novel concludes on Cowgate Edinburgh, not the namesake in Kirkintilloch!

'Pure Dead Brilliant!' is Prestwick Airport, in Ayrshire's, corporate logo that greets new arrivals into Scotland....and I detest it. Given Ayrshire's links with Robert Burns, and Scotland's contribution to arts, literature, engineering, medicine and law is that the best they could come up with? This means little or nothing to most Scots (let alone anyone else) under 40... but in its heyday it was synonymous with City Lights, a successful 1980s comedy set in Glasgow, and it was repeated endlessly in playgrounds, pubs and work places across Scotland.

The late Gerard Kelly was Willie Melvin, a put upon bank clerk by day, an aspiring writer by night. I sometimes wondered if there were similarities (albeit loose) between Willie and Tony Hancock, another dreamy striver who was constantly thwarted by unwanted intervention and advice from his friends...or his own incompetence and bad luck.

City Lights had a colourful cast of eccentric characters; petty fly man Chancer and his dimwitted henchman Tam; the long suffering fiancé Janice, who wanted commitment from Willie, not words; the smary boss, Mr McLelland, and his sycophantic aide Brian; most of the Glasgow patter was supplied by Mum, who was quick to puncture Willie's pretentions. Elaine C Smith's daft mate will be forever associated with the catchphrase.

Surrounding Willie was the rapdily changing city of Glasgow, a year away from 1988's Garden Festival, The European City of Culture and 'Smiles Better'.

This is a gem if series from a fruitful era of Scottish comedy (think Rab C Nesbitt, Naked Video or Absolutely) and if it were to get a good release that would a fitting tribute to Gerard Kelly and Iain McColl...it would be pure, dead, brilliant in fact!

If you needed help in 1980s New York there was only one person you could turn to....Robert McCall, The Equalizer, ex-Intelligence agent, now turned private detective-cum-trouble shooter with a remarkable network of associates and contacts. Perhaps the signature role in the remarkable career of the outstanding Edward Woodward.

Yet McCall was more than the average rogue cop with a heart, or hard boiled gumshoe who found his conscience. Nor was he in the revenge business. Here was a man seeking atonement for the sins of his past life...a past life that had left its scars and had not necessarily finished with him....or vice versa.

Unlike a lot of 1980s action dramas - The A Team or Miami Vice for example - most thoughtfully written episodes saw McCall hired by anyone from the ordinary person out of their depth to some fairly jaded individuals; the assignments were complex, ambiguous and dangerous; McCall's targets risked considerable loss; and very often fists or guns were ineffective or even counter productive requiring more subtly (not that series - or McCall - lacked when needed!).

In short accept no imitations when those odds were stacked against you!

Callan was a series I discovered after being laid up with a heavy cold a couple of years back. Taughtly written, gritty, with an extraordinary air of oppression. David Challan worked for a secretive government department with a grim mission...

All I could say I was hooked.

This was espionage for adults, the perfect antidote to the CGI and exaggerated heroics of Bond and Bourne; Edward Woodward's David Callan - an angry, cynical, insubordinate ex- con/ ex- soldier - could have done them a nasty (and a half) without blinking. Prior to Callan, the closest we had to 'real' spies was Alex Le Mass or Harry Palmer...and like them Challan knew he was in a dirty business.

Good turns too from Russell Hunter, William Squire, Liz Langdon and Patrick Mower (staggers me he made Carry On England at this time!). Harold Wilson said he liked the show too... while I admire his tastes - bearing in mind the climate of the Seventies - I have to ask what was going through his head when he watched it?

Highly recommended.

I bought this in a car boot sale for a couple years ago for a quid. I think I wasted my time and my money.

Low budget films can punch well above their weight...with a good script; but even for the standards of the average micro budget, mockney gangster flick this one just stinks. There is literally no story.

Avoid!

Since Cannon and Ball were quite a popular duo back in the late 1970's - mid 1980s, it was no surprise they got their own film version; in C & B case theirs was a loose remake of Will Hay's 'Ask A Policeman' (which I have not seen).

I could go on about the flaws and pacing - and I won't take any issue there - but this is a just silly comedy from a bygone era. I can watch this on an afternoon as a bit of harmless, undemanding viewing - and the various cameoes are quite fun.

But I take issue with the criticism that this is the worst British film ever, etc. A masterpiece it is not, but I could name half a dozen that a far, far worse....

I have a vague memory (as always) of this being shown on Children's BBC and bring introduced by Philip Scofield or And Crane. It was a good drama, set in 1900 New Zealand, that covered a range of issues including Maori rights, Imperialism, The Boer War and class.

Catchy theme tune as well.

If I were the Malibu Tourist Board I'd seriously contemplate suing Sci Fi Channel - LA has its problems, but Malibu is portrayed here as a dismal, grey, litter strewn stretch of abandoned coastline with acres of brown - green seaweed. Killer sharks aside, based on this viewing, Malibu is not the place I'd comtemplate taking a holiday.

I won't dwell on the humourless, lunatic storyline, the substandard SFX, or wooden acting; seriously, Peta Wilson (the only competent actor) had a long fall from the days 'La Femme Nikita'...either that or she simply wasn't taking her career seriously anymore...or she needed the paycheck.

I watched Shark Attack once as I was in the mood for an undemanding bad movie; which is the mindset you'll need when you watch this...either that or find Piranha 3D!

The whole RPG moral panic never really factored much when I was an active roleplayer at High School. 'Video nasties' and computer game hysteria dominated the tabloid headlines in Britain when this film was released - therefore ensuring (with some lurid artwork) that some otherwise tawdry and second or third division slasher titles were given more publicity than their budgets would ever have allowed.

Obviously, that sold more newspapers than a bunch of kids with pens, pencils and odd shaped die.

That aside, Mazes and Monsters main point of interest is a young Tom Hanks as a fairly disturbed youth with a pre-existing mental health issue - at least partly aggravated by demanding parents and authority figures with their own attitudes, problems and addictions.

M & M was only once shown in the UK to my knowledge. From my faint memory its message is simply too muddled, and incoherent to be classed as 'anti RPG' or 'bigoted' - at best it seems unsure about its own subject matter and makes some fairly crass assumptions about players and their motivations...never a good thing with any social commentary.

Missing from the plot are the self appointed moral guardians, journalist and experts - often with dubious agendas and/or credentials - adding more heat than light to the debate. Every prohibition debate has them. Almost all usually wind up discredited.

The film ends on a kind of bittersweet note with Hanks's friends following him to New York on an urgent quest (of sorts) of their own to keep him from harm's way. I'm surprised - again, if memory serves me correctly - that nobody mentions that the climax appears to take place on the roof of the World Trade Centre.

From what little I remember this was a fairly atmospheric and unsettling little thriller set in an abandoned Cornish tin mine. A group of adults were trapped and were in (sometimes unwelcome) communication with a the spirit of a young collier who tried to help them.

I'd love to see it again after all these years (and the other titles).

This was screened a few times in the 1980s, and I remember it vaguely. I think it was one of the last of the Children's Film Foundation's output.

It's certainly one of the better ones.

Two young brothers stumble on to a prison escape while out birdwatching. After seeing too much they're kidnapped and held by the cons and their outside help but gradually bond and befriend with Donnie 'The Bull', a violent armed robber who yearns for freedom and friendship.

Breakout's a great morality tale with a powerful sense of growing up. The relationship between the fearsome Donnie - well played by David Jackson - and the lads is quite credible and moving. Recommended viewing if you can find it.

Two lads (one a lonely RAF brat) encounter a very small, spherical alien stranded on Earth and help him return him home with 5p crisps and 500 000 volts of electricity. They become the good pals as well.

Good to see these charming, modest British made films being shown in the satellite / cable channels. Or released on DVD. A few familiar faces are there - notably Ron Pember, Derek Deadman and Linda 'Birds of a Fevtha' Robson - which only adds to the experience.

And who at that age didn't want to have a cool gang hut, tree house or den like that to hang around in?!

John Gotti and Al Capone are probably embedded into popular consciousness as *the* faces of organised crime in the 20th Century (Benny 'Bugsy' Siegel might run them a close third, but that's just my opinion). These men were influential, opulent, ruthless and successful wiseguys with armies of killers and admirers at their command. Both were probably too high profile and arrogant for their own good.

With such a backstory, journey and characters Gotti should have been dynamite - instead what we get is a laboured, confused mess that falls straight into the same trap as contemporary dramas like Legends and Black Mass - because such is their determination to 'retell' or 'reimage' events the filmakers succeed in telling lots but showing nothing.

Like the other two -when the disjointed script and uncertain direction allows the leading players time to develop their role- John Travolta actually brings a certain restrained menace to his take on The Tefalon Don. His performance has been slated (sometimes justifiably) but Travolta's too good, and too shrewd, an actor to be completely dragged down by this morass.

You will learn little of Gotti's psychology, his legal battles, his relationship with fellow mob bosses, and law enforcement, his (much trumpted) benfector role, or his rise up the hierarchy.

Crucially, Gotti fails because it cannot bring itself to remind you what kind of man Gotti was, what he did and why he did it. It's a fatally fudged reasoning that ultimately sinks the narrative and credibility - and for a movie that fancies itself as a Godfather, Goodfella, Bugsy or even a Departed that's not good enough.

Chasing The Deer was also released as Culloden 1745 - the last major battle fought between the rival Houses of Hanover and Stuart, the last British Civil War, and the last battle to be fought on Scottish soil.

I'll say that Chasing The Deer certainly has faults - and it suffers from the same drawbacks that all labours of love have - but it compares favourable to absurd, overblown Hollywood retellings like Goldwyn - Korda - Niven's 'Bonny Prince Charlie'...or Mel Gibson's Braveheart.

The production values and direction are surprisingly high - some scenery is spectacularly well photographed - but the script is overburdened with characters and stodgy dialogue. Moreover, Brian Blessed deserves praise for a good performance as the conflicted Hanoverian loyalist Major Elliott. Scots rocker Fish is in there too but good luck spotting him with all the dirt and camouflage.

Still, it a worthy attempt to tell a complex story with a bit more heart than the shortbread tin imagery. And, more importantly, I think, like The Bruce, it stimulates interest and debate on otherwise neglected areas of Scottish history.

There were English Jacobites. Some Scots declared their loyalties (for various reasons - not always noble ones) while others remained neutral. The '45 split clans, cities, communities and families. As for the cliche of opposites on the battlefield - that's what happens in civil war, and that's what happened at Culloden. And it didn't stop Ken Loach capitalising on the same clichés did it?