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I picked the wrong one. I am not an art or movie critic, but I know what I like. And this wasn't it. It was an incredibly long morality tale, told in a huge flashback. All I can say is that if I am stuck in a lifeboat, and some guy starts talking about the inevitability of having to suck the blood out of some still-living victim within five minutes of going overboard, there is going to be one less psychopath in the boat the first time I get my hands on an oar. Come to think of it, the movie would have been much better if the "negro" Number 4 had just brained Bulldog the moment he he started mouthing off. Instead I had to sit through almost another hour of the noble, long suffering savage versus the racist moron. With the dreadfully serious Romantic leads chasing after each other the whole time like the lovesick couples in teen slasher movies. She leads him on with cryptic excuses, while he pleads his undying love to the cold maiden. A simple statement like "I'm a Nun" would have put his hormones on ice real quick. But no. Then you wouldn't have him pining for her through the whole damned movie. Oh, and to top it all off, at the end of the film, he walks right passed her without noticing her dressed as a nun, as he has just been told that she is dead, and she doesn't bother to say "hi", or "hello", or "here's the reason I couldn't jump you on that island..." No. She mutters something about nobody looking at nun's faces to her fellow nun, and walks off. Of course nobody looks at their faces. We all look at their dresses, and wonder if they really have feet under there...

Hide and Creep is bad. It is cheesier than a cheap order of nachos at your local megaplex theater. That being said, it is one of the better spoofs of the whole Zombie concept. Yes the plot is minimal. But the whole thing rates right up there with Shaun of the Dead. The characters are all very clever parodies of characters you have seen, or wish you had seen in much higher budget living dead type films. The snappy video store clerk. The bored and uninterested police dispatcher. The retired cop love interest. They even have the obligatory young couple who disappear while making out in their car at the beginning. And to make the whole thing more entertaining, they have the regular people in the town going about their lives while everything else is going on.

The entire movie is filled with good one-liners, and comments that you get if you have ever hung out with gun nuts or rednecks for any length of time. The importance of football. Gun safety. Why Coke is better than Pepsi. Don't rent this is you are expecting a glitzy, high budget action film. Get it if you want to laugh.