sventempest

...where he plays the lead despite his voice not suiting the role. Garfield is sarcastic. This Garfield is not. Part of this is down to poor writing and mostly it's Crispy Rat. He can't emote in a voice that isn't his own. Whoever he has dirt on in Hollywood just needs to come clean. Crispy ruins movies.

Positives, it's colourful and it ends.

Negatives, everything else.

This feels like one of those films that needed to be made to keep hold of the rights. It certainly didn't feel necessary, inspired or have anything new to say. If you've seen the trailer with kitten Garfield in the Italian Restaurant, you've seen the best part of the film. You gain nothing by seeing the rest. Nothing.

Little more than a straight to DVD sequel for a trilogy that deserved better. Obvious budget cuts result in an underwhelming experience at every moment. Animation suffers. Character design suffers. Voice acting suffers.

Between the absence of the furious five in any significant role, the flanderisation and resetting of Po's character and the downgrade in any attempt at story telling, one is left to wonder why this even exists except as a vehicle for ego and hubris.

The warbing signs are all there for a new trilogy of films. Two more to follow on from this. Sorry, but even "Legends of Awesomeness" carried more of the soul of the first trilogy. This is little but the reanimated corpse. Disgusting. Pointless. Bland. Worthless.

It's not exactly bad, but it's not exactly good. I'm baffled at how many people are gushing about it.

Like, yes, Godzilla feels like a big beefy monster. Yes, some of the set pieces are kinda cool.

But beyond that, it all feels pretty cheap. There's also a lot of cheap attempts at surprising the audience which fall flat. Characters who are used simply as a prop for the lead man, removed either literally or figuratively just to be brought back when they finished motivating the lead to do whatever the plot requires of him.

It's underlying messaging is also confused. Like, most Godzilla movies have The Monster represent something. Godzilla in the first case, is Nuclear Horror. Godzilla in say, Shin Godzilla, represents the Japanese government being slow to act. Godzilla here is... Guilt? PTSD? The representation of a failed Kamikaze pilot's battle against his sense of dishonour?

It also doesn't really seem to want to settle on a single theme. The ingenuity of the people? Kamikaze was good actually? Self sacrifice is good in moderation? Only one engineer who's never seen an experimental plane can work on the experimental plane...?

Honestly, it's a mess. It's a jumbled mess I found myself disengaging from as soon as Woman Exists Just Die To Make The Man Mad. But she's not really dead. And also Man must Kamikaze, but surprise that's not a surprise, parachute. There feels like there are entire sections and fake outs that could be removed whole cloth and the film would literally be better for it. Smoother, concise, more focused.

It also suffers from trying to be the original film, but better. Which it obviously fails at. And because this is a prequel, despite them managing to kill Godzilla, we know from the outset that No victory is permenant.

Maybe that's supposed to tie into the themes of "yes this means we die but we do it to slow down the threat" but it doesn't really land for me. It just makes the whole film feel inherently pointless, meaningless, disposable.

I already have Godzilla reinvented. It was Shin Godzilla and it was spectacular. Imagery from Shin Godzilla has stuck with me. It's music sticks with me. It's CGI enhanced physical suit work, sticks with me. It's memorable. It's got a point to make, it's focused, tight and punchy.

This? CGI Godzilla chasing CGI plane into CGI water to CGI die only to CGI regenerate into a CGI sequel... Man I hope there's no sequel... Godzilla Zero, the other other prequel...

Point is, I'll likely have forgotten about this film by next week. For all the hype surrounding it, it's just so disappointing.

I mean, sure it's not going to be as awful as the upcoming dross of Kong and Godzilla Vs Bigger Badder Monkey will be... But guys, that doesn't make this film good. It certainly isn't a ten or even a high seven. It's like a five or six tops.

South Park once prided itself on being the sensible middle ground. Now after years of trying to smugly fence sit, after blatant transphobia and increasingly desperate "both sides" rhetoric, it's clear that the once left of centre creators have swung to the pretty solidly right wing.

If this was a show Matt and Trey had been watching a decade ago, they would have rightly mocked it. Now, these two creators who are clearly tired of even making South Park have become precisely the kind of people they once used to correctly mock.

Young Trey and young Matt would likely hate what they've turned into and I suspect deep down they know it.

An exhausting waste of time that superficially pretends it's a sensible middle ground before parroting the exact right wing weirdos it only briefly and superficially calls out.

If you don't want to keep making this guys, you know you can just stop right? You don't have to destroy the show and turn your backs on everything you once used to pretend to care about.

Contemptuous, South Park in name only.

This feels like a low point.

People have already mentioned the stupid western stereotypes, lone heroes saving the town and all that when, I dunno, you could just ambush the gang of three to six people using your home field advantage...? Which, they eventually touch on, but like, you don't need a time travelling scientist to say "work together to overcome the small gang of thugs." It's silly.

Whatever, the production design. Is on point for the leap portion.

The issue I have is more the "sometimes you gotta kill" subplot and the "oversight is bad actually" subplot. The idea that working outside any kind of oversight is to be apauded, that going rogue is good.

I get they're supposed to be heroes in the context of the narrative, but having a thinly veiled AOC character show up and be "the bad guy trying to shut you down" feels a bit, trite.

In fact that feels like the overwhelming weakness of this entire series. The interesting part of Quantum Leap is, you know, the travelling through time part...?

The interdepartmental politics, the "evil leaper stealing Al's ziggy box" are the weaker parts of the narrative. But they seem to exist solely as a cost cutting measure rather than making every episode focus solely on the time travel...

Also, I miss the original theme tune.

Bombastic, loud, style over substance.

So, it's a Nolan film.

Making a sympathetic hero out of a mass murderer always feels tone deaf. This is no exception. For all the attempts to make ol' Oppy seem conflicted and troubled, it never really examines the impact of his choices. It does the usual things these biopics as spectacle do and overemphasises it's "hero" to the detriment of countless other historical figures. The way it's presented here, Oppy was the entire Manhattan Project and associated tests with a few hapless slack jawed helpers orbiting his ego.

You'd be better off and better educated watching an actual documentary rather than this sanitised version of reality.

This is the difference between a super hero movie having something to sell and having something to actually say.

I haven't been excited about a super hero movie since having watched endgame part one and never bothering to show up for endgame part two. Eventually, the MCU stopped having stakes. It stopped havj G characters. It just became a succession of adverts for the next movie in the sequence of exhausting cookie cutter same old same old adverts for the next movie.

What is obviously now going to be the spider verse trilogy, has for lack of a better word, soul.

If you want to go in assuming it's empty spectacle, it can deliver in spades, entertaining and colourful, gorgeous at every second. If you want a story of found family, acceptance, love, stuggling to be your best self, it's there. But if you scratch just a little deeper, you find a scathing metatextual commentary on the destructive rigidity of canon. You find a biting social commentary on the dynamics of power, institutionalised bigotry and othering.

You find, an actual damn story.

Not just Generic Hero Man or Woman saves the CGI world from Generic Baddie Man or Woman, end credits sting for next film. Not just bland nothings serving up the next bland nothing ad infinitum.

An actual story. A modern day fable designed to ask questions, designed to mean something beneath all the superheroic trappings. A fun romp that actually bothers to try and mean something in a genre bereft of any meaning.

This is what a comic book, super hero movie, should be. Accept nothing less.

You saved me having to buy a ticket to this Ghoulish monster of a film. Endure as known Criminal Ezra Miller stars alongside known Criminal Ezra Miller for double the teeth pulling agony of their acting. Pretend to be surprised as generic twist after generic turn vomits into your eyes with CGI so bad it's shredding your retina. Watch agape as dead actors are brought back to hideous parody of life in a freakish attempt to pull on not just the nostalgia of the living but the nostalgia of the dead. A pointless, hideous bloated mess and utterly meaningless end to a garbage fire of a DC movie universe. Don't waste time, energy or money. It's not just as bad as everyone has already said, it's somehow worse. Total waste of Keaton. Total waste of time.

Man goes to woods. Meets weird guy. Films weird guy. Found footage. Weird guy gets weirder. Man gets killed.

That's it. That's the film. It being found footage adds nothing. The padding of escaping only to be found again adds nothing. From the moment you meet Weird Guy you know he's a serial killer. So there's nothing left to shock you, surprise you or even tease you. There are no twists, no turns, just wacky weird guy kills a Charisma Vacuum. It's just, a long series of meandering conversations with a weird guy and his victim.

At least it was short I guess? But even watching at 1.5 speed it somehow still manages to drag.

Supposedly there's plans for it to be a trilogy? Oh wow, what a compelling idea. Serial Killer kills some more people who he lures in with Craigslist.

Garbage. Dull. Pointless.

There's a reason it's on Netflix I guess.

... Are just dudes in black boiler suits and a cheap halloween mask.

Even played at double speed, the movie is ponderously glacial slow. Conceptually fine, but in reality it's just voices overlapping each other boiler suit guys in masks wandering about in the parking lot and eventually a climax of static.

I don't even consider this a spoiler, because there's maybe 5 minutes of events here stretched out to over an hour in desperate attempt to build suspense.

I have 137 characters left to use and nothing else to say about the film. So... I think it's for free on YouTube right now? But even free is too much.

Under all the layers of Metatextual self analysis the kernel of an idea at the centre is missing.

Felt like an excuse to meet semi famous dudes, felt like it was a lot of author director self insertion, felt like it used it's multiple narrative threads to cover up the fact its basically throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks.

It's a self indulgent mess basically.

Feels like they had a bad found footage horror film that needing padding out so they added in the Metatextual finder finding the found footage...who's also being filmed as documentary. And before you know it you even have the found footage finder's documentary crew as characters.

Boring. Dull. Full of itself.

... Obviously inflated the user reviews.

Some films use found footage and documentary style shots as an artistic choice. From the very first frame, it's plain to see this was not made out of artistic choice but budget necessity.

Meandering, boring, full of clear self insert characters, wouldn't fool even the daftest human alive for a millisecond that it's real... Genuinely more of an endurance test than a movie.

Tries to keep building and building this sense of mystery and curiosity, but basically just stretches out it's very basic story of maybe, two or three sentences and stretches it out to movie length.

Utter waste of time.

...with a happy ending.

I'm a little late to the party on this one and I was expecting a fairly standard wickerman type fare, but honestly, it's more a happy tale of self discovery, overcoming grief and found family. Not always a comfortable watch, but by the end, a rewarding one.

Not sure what else to say for my last 274 characters beyond, it deserves the praise it gets. Caught this on Netflix but sorely tempted to pick up a special edition blu ray or something, because this feels like both a wonderful Halloween and Christmas film all at once.

Worth your time if you've not seen it. Worth a rewatch if you have seen it. Superb, unsettling, gripping and hauntingly beautiful.

... pretending to be a cloud sucks up some dudes and horses because it's hungry.

Struggling ranchers try to film it.

Shenanigans ensue.

Pretty but empty. Also I guess it's an allegory for Hollywood being predatory for child actors? But also it's about police brutality and black erasure, but you have to look those things up after the film. And then maybe on a rewatch you go, oh, yeah, I sorta see it?

Those topics by the way? They are super worth bringing attention to. This is just a bad vehicle to do it with. In my opinion.

Because you're trying to load so many important topics at once, you end up with your audience going, so, is the Space Jellyfish supposed to be Hollywood, yet also police brutality? Are we filming Hollywood to prove its bad, while also praising Hollywood? Black Erasure from Hollywood history is bad, but isn't Hollywood itself also a monster, so why would you want to be part of the monster...? If spectacle is bad, harming people in its pursuit, then why is this film itself trying to be a spectacle? And most crucially; Would an electric motor cycle really throw it's rider off like that or would it just slowly come to a stop...?

In my experience, when I'm questioning minutiae like that, I'm not really engaging with the film at all. I'm trying to piece together the directors point. Which really ideally should come after. Just me?

It felt like the movie needed to pick a theme and hammer it home. Not pick several themes at once and see what sticks. Honestly, it feels like it kinda does a disservice to those topics. Had it been done better, maybe people would be talking about those topics more than how confused they were by the film and having to look up TMZ articles and clickbait YouTubers explaining the movie.

Oh, also a chimpanzee kills a sitcom in the nineties? It doesn't really matter, because, I think the surviving child actor now a grown man got eaten? Maybe? And BOY Somebody super didn't like TMZ. Theybhated TMZ so much they wanted to have one of their faceless drone bike paparrazzi begging for their camera rather than begging to be saved from the Space Jellyfish. Garsh if that isn't some biting social satire that totally didn't make me groan...

Going back to the chimpanzee. Sure there's a tie in to Hollywood chewing up kid actors being made here, but like, why does that matter to the Space Jellyfish story? TMZ bit just felt like "Paparazzi Bad" and a personal beef maybe. I dunno.

It's fine but it needed to be like an hour shorter. Cut out the chimpanzee spree unless it has a more obvious link to the larger narrative which at present, it doesn't.

Larger Narrative. Not themes. If you want to tell a story about a kid who's suffering PTSD from his Hollywood youth watching a chimpanzee murder spree? Ok, you do that. Might even be a good film in there. Dunston Checks Out, the Ape of Wrath, whatever... But maybe don't leave it in as a half finished aside in your space Jellyfish story? Just, I guess focus on the Space Jellyfish...? I dunno, I'm not a film making guy.

I almost want to give an extra star for the Akira bike slide because I'm an easily manipulated meat puppet who likes seeing things I recognise. But I'd instantly deduct that same star for the finale being a shrieking piece of CGI battling a balloon and losing.

So, that was nope. It sorta happened. I've no desire to rewatch it again. Ever. But like, I kinda like the B-Movie vibes it was going for, I just wish they'd hired an editor for the script. Or at least I wish someone had, ironically, looked through the script and in a few places told the director "Nope".

Dear anime writers,

Not every moment of every scene requires deep introspection as the character delivers a soliloquy of angst. Not every teenager has to vomit metaphors at each other as they talk about "This World".

Can you please start writing characters who act like human beings rather than poets angsting at one another. Tell a damn story without trying to add pretenious layers of depth in every piece of dialogue.

Couldn't even make it through the first season. Utterly overhyped garbage that takes itself and it's entire cast far too seriously and yet doesn't allow them to just be written as people. All it does is waste the audience's time waxing lyrical.

Utterly bewildered why people still tolerate this particular style of Japanese story telling.

...but Gay Conversion advocate Chris Pratt reduces the score of all films he's in by a minimum of 10 and I can't mark zero.

No spoilers, but there's dinosaurs in it, sometimes. Also it's excruciatingly boring. Glad I pirated it and didn't pay a penny to the studio.

...it's actually pretty good. The hyper-stylised art took a bit of getting used to, but the refreshing of the stale meta really works.

Also, David Kaye as Cringer is absolutely superb in the role. Lends the role a real gravitas you wouldn't expect.

But ultimately, it's a kids show. For kids and the young at heart. But it's getting reviewe bombed, by guys in their forties and fifties. So like, give it a go with your kids or if you're feeling like a light hearted adventure story.

...that of those people already deeply invested in the UFO conspiracy mindset. Offers eyewitness testimony without analysis, criticism or even basic questions. Just "X" saw "Y" in "The Fifties" and "Maybe it was aliens or time travellers...?"

Repeat several times interspersed with UFOlogists looking to sell their next book and a glut of hideous CGI and you have the same old guff rehashed ad infinitum.

I mean this without hyperbole - there are better documentaries on some of these cases FOR FREE on YouTube of all places. They aren't sensationalised, aren't leading you to one conclusion or another, they just present the facts and let the viewer form an opinion.

This is just sensationalism, Ancient Aliens tier gibberish designed to pad out some space in the app. Even a passing interest or a Google search is a better use of your time.

...fail to make one laugh for its entire runtime...? Netflix scraping the bottom of the trash fire with this...

It's just a desperately unfunny series of non sequiturs and Adam Sandler.

...it's a bait and switch. It's a depressing series of tragedies being sold as a quirky slice of life. Maybe avoid if you're looking for comedy, but enjoy if you want an abused kid and spousal abuse being played for laughs.

...but it's made with more love than a huge majority of cookie cutter super hero series and movies out there. More memorable than your average Marvel Advert for the next Marvel Advert and genuinely better than anything DC has put out for the best part of a decade.

Consider this an Elseworlds that DC would never have the balls to make and you won't go far wrong.

...a CBBC drama for kids and an episode of Torchwood in tone. Not terrible, not great, but fairly entertaining.

...because let's face it, that's what this. There are complaints that it isn't more of the same. There are complaints that some aspects of the story remain a mystery. But it's the first episode of a new series. Of course there needs to be mystery. It didn't end with this, it just begins.

What is the Earth Pony Magic implied by the rainbow hoof prints? What or who caused the divide in pony societies? Two questions to answer in an upcoming series.

But taken simply as what it is, episode one, it's beautifully animated and deals with tricky social issues in a way that doesn't necessarily treat children like idiots. It's characters are archetypal but strong. At its core, the message is that ignorance and fear leads to segregation. That friendship and social harmony develops from understanding.

There are going to be a lot of people downvoting this because the notion of friendship being a magic brought through understanding is "too political" and lambasting that this isn't MLP:FiM season one. But I think enough people are sensible enough to realise that at its heart, this new generation carries the same message.

Looking forward to seeing where this new series goes.

...have never watched a cartoon in their lives. Or only reviewed the series based on the first and second episode, plus Teela's haircut. Absolutely fantastic series let down only by it's so called "fans".

The one star is for the animators who put in a lot of work into such a terrible film and nothing else. Everyone is phoning it in. It's an ego trip for LeBron. Even when he's not around people are asking "where did LeBron James go?" and "Gosh I sure do love King James." You know this.

Here's the one moment I had a slight glimmer of hope for the film.

Very early on there's a scene where out of touch execs pitch a dumb movie with star power to LeBron. It's stated these dumb film concepts, made by a soulless AI, are not a good idea. And for one single moment, I hoped that this was meta commentary, a glimmer of self awareness in a film about to dunk on itself.

No.

This is a vanity project for LeBron and WB, it's as crass and commercialised and soulless as the film concepts it pretends to reject.

Don't waste even a second on this film.

So much wasted time and effort.

Enjoy your new pool or car or whatever, Cheadle.

It really bugs me as well that so many people are making this about "wokeness" or the latest culture war nonsense. Or even their personal opinion of LeBron. I don't care about that. I don't care about The s*x*u*l assault Skunk or people misremembering a rabbits assets. This is based purely on the film I endured.

No exaggeration, I didn't even know nor care who LeBron was. This movie was my first introduction to the man. And based on how he portrays himself in a movie he produced? He's a terrible human being utterly out of touch with reality with a desperate need to be validated and a massive over inflated ego. I don't believe this was a caricature of Mr. James because his acting isn't good enough to be an exaggerated version of himself.

Days later, I came back wondering if I'd been too harsh, I mean the Fury Road Runner part did make me smile. But that could easily have existed as a silly skit totally removed from the film and still be fun.

Literally everything else, every other scene, despite being bombastic and colorful and sometimes weirdly OVER animated, had the same flaw. They were boring. I don't know how you can have such a wellspring of creativity or at least a wellspring of franchises to draw from, and manage to make it utterly boring, tedious, monotonous. An endurance test.

The first film was no masterpiece, but this is just a waste of everyone's lifespan.