Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and hemorrhoid sufferers around the world, it's time for a review of a movie that's been praised as a classic, but in my humble opinion, is nothing but a pile of swamp mud. I'm talking about none other than Shrek.
Now, let me tell you, I've seen some stinkers in my time, but Shrek takes the cake. From the opening scene, I knew I was in for a real pain in the butt. And speaking of pain in the butt, I'm currently recovering from hemorrhoids, and let me tell you, this movie was more painful than my latest flare-up.
The characters are bland, the jokes are cheap, and the animation looks like it was done by a toddler with a crayon. Don't even get me started on the plot. A talking ogre falls in love with a talking princess, who's been cursed to turn into an ogre at night. What is this, Beauty and the Beast with a green twist? And let's not forget about that annoying donkey who just won't shut up. I'd rather listen to the sounds of my hemorrhoid cream being applied.
And don't even get me started on the music. Smash Mouth? More like Smash Trash? The soundtrack sounds like it was written by a group of tone-deaf trolls.
In conclusion, save yourself the pain, and skip this "classic". Unless you want to experience the same discomfort I feel every time I sit down after a bowel movement. Watching this movie is a pain in the backside, and not even my hemorrhoid cream can soothe the burn it left behind.
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