The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Last Temptation of Krusty (1998)
Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Gil, Krusty the Klown, Sideshow Mel, Mr. Teeny, Reporter, Barney Gumble
Photos
Quotes
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Steven Wright : I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it.
[the entire audience, except Homer, laughs]
Homer Simpson : I don't get it.
Lisa Simpson : Dad, the zebra didn't do it, it's just a word at the end of the dictionary.
Homer Simpson : I still don't get it.
Lisa Simpson : It's just a joke.
Homer Simpson : Oh, I get it! I get jokes!
[laughs]
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Janeane Garafolo : I got my period today.
Marge Simpson : [spits out her drink in shock] Oh, good lord!
Janeane Garafolo : Plus I got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud.
Homer Simpson : [laughing hysterically] Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes!
[thumps his fists loudly on the table, while he laughs]
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Homer Simpson : From now on, I'm gonna be just like Krusty and tell it like it is. Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs!
Bart Simpson : Dad!
Homer Simpson : You too, Bart!
Marge Simpson : Oh, knock it off, Homer, you're the fattest one in the car!
Homer Simpson : [shocked, hurt] You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge!
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[Homer walks into the bathroom to use the lavatory]
Bart Simpson : Dad!
Homer : [laughs] Whoops, sorry son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown.
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Bart Simpson : What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals.
Homer Simpson : Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him!
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Reporter : [When Krusty announces his retirement from show business] But, Krusty, why now? Why not 20 years ago?
Krusty the Clown : 'Cause comedy ain't funny anymore. Instead of time-tested jokes about women drivers and doctor bills, you got some big-chin schlub reading typos from the Palookaville Post. Well, here's a headline for you: "Nobody cares."
[Everyone laughs]
Jay Leno : Hey, I washed your hair.
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Krusty the Clown : Comedy isn't funny anymore... You've got some big chinned slob reading typos from the Palookaville Post! Well, here's a headline for ya. Nobody cares!
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Bart Simpson : And then of course there's Mom who sounds something like this.
[Bart ties a blue blanket around his head to resemble Marge's hair]
Bart Simpson : [in a shaky voice] Eat your vegetables. Take a sweater. I don't think that's a good idea.
[groans]
Homer Simpson : [Homer and Lisa laugh] Take that, Marge!
[Marge groans]
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Krusty the Clown : Me so solly!
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Bart Simpson : [to Jay Leno] Anyway, don't you have some advice for Krusty?
Jay Leno : Well, these days, people like observational humor about things they deal with in everyday life.
Krusty the Clown : Oh, yeah. You mean like when your lazy butler washes your sock garters and they're still covered with schmutz?
Jay Leno : Well, kind of, but more universal. And maybe lose the "me so solly" bit.
Bart Simpson : Hey, whoa, whoa. Let's not tamper with a classic.
Krusty the Clown : Shut up, kid. Come on, Leno. Tamper, teach, impart.
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Bart Simpson : Oh, P-U, what where you drinking, gasoline?
Krusty the Clown : Yes, I was drinking gasoline, MOTHER!
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Sideshow Mel : [to Krusty] They say any publicity is good publicity.
Krusty the Clown : You, sir, are an idiot.
[Mr. Teeny makes chittering noises]
Krusty the Clown : Aw, that's your answer to everything! Look at my life. I'm talking to a monkey and a... I don't know what the hell you are.
Sideshow Mel : You can be so cruel when you're sober.
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Krusty the Clown : [When Bart and Jay Leno are giving Krusty a bath and washing his hair] Jay, you're a professional comedian, right? Right? Answer me!
Jay Leno : Yes! Now stop squirming. I'm trying to get these tangles out.
Bart : They are just impossible.
[Jay Leno gives him a look]
Bart : Well, they are.
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Krusty the Clown : [reading the review of the benefit in the newspaper] "Last night's charity benefit brought wall-to-wall laughs without exception." Phew! "The only exception was the embarrassingly dated humor of Springfield's green-haired, red-nosed hack..."
[turns pages]
Krusty the Clown : Yeah, yeah, yeah. "KRUSTY THE CLOWN?"
[sobs]
Krusty the Clown : No!
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Homer Simpson : [burning his money] Take that, you greedy fat cats! Marge, give me your purse!
Marge Simpson : [quickly to Lisa] Here's $42. It's everything I have. Run home and bury it in the yard!
Lisa Simpson : [taking the money] I love you, mom.
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[Driving home from Krusty's comedy show]
Homer Simpson : From now on, I'm going to be just like Krusty and tell it like it is! Marge, you're getting a little fat around the thighs.
Bart : Dad!
Homer Simpson : You too, Bart.
Marge : Oh Homer, be quiet, you're the fattest person in this car.
Homer Simpson : Aw... you didn't have to tell it like it is.
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Janeane Garafolo : [sighs] I got my period today.
Marge Simpson : [spits out her drink] Good lord!
Janeane Garafolo : Plus got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud.
Homer : [laughing hysterically] Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes!
[thumps his fists on the table]
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Homer : [to Bart] Whoops, sorry, son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown.