Are You Being Served? (TV Series)

Diamonds Are a Man's Best Friend (1973)

Mollie Sugden: Mrs. Slocombe

Photos 

Quotes 

• Miss Shirley Brahms : Is that about it, Mrs. Slocombe?

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Perfect, Miss Brahams. There, you see, Madam, with the shorter hem, and the alterations to the sleeves, and... a bit taken out of the back and... , oh yes... , the shoulders adjusted and the buttons moved... It'll fit you like a glove.

  The Outsize Dress : Wouldn't it be easier to get one in my size?

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : But it's an unrepeatable offer.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Yes, it's last year's stock.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : That'll do, Miss Brahms.

• Captain Stephen Peacock : Miss Brahms...?

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Yes, I know, Captain Peacock. I'm late.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Not good enough, Miss Brahms. You are fifteen minutes late. What would happen if everybody else was fifteen minutes late?

  Miss Shirley Brahms : The store would open at quarter past.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Don't be cheeky, Miss Brahms. Captain Peacock is quite within his rights to dress you down.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Have you an explanation?

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Yes. It's Friday. I haven't got any money. And I couldn't afford the bus fare. I had to hitchhike.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Well you should have left home earlier.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : I did. I stood on the corner, and lifted my skirt and showed a bit of stocking like Marilyn Monroe did in "Bus Stop".

  Captain Stephen Peacock : What happened?

  Miss Shirley Brahms : The bus crashed and I had to make a statement.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : The same thing happened to me once, with a Centurion tank.

  Captain Stephen Peacock : Were you trying to stop it, Mrs. Slocombe, or were you driving it?

• Mrs. Betty Slocombe : You know, you really should try to make your money last out the week, Miss Brahms.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : I can't even make it last the weekend.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : What do you spend it on?

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Clothes.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Clothes?

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Yes, clothes. So the boys will ask me out to dinner.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Yes, but if you didn't spend it on clothes, you could stay at home and, and cook something for yourself.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Oh, I can't afford to buy food for meself. It's too expensive.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Yes, but you could afford it if you didn't spend your money on clothes.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Yes, well if I spent my money on food, I couldn't afford to spend it on the clothes, so the boys would ask me out to dinner.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I just don't understand young people nowadays. I just don't understand what your talking about.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : I just like going out, that's all.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : My dear girl, I could be wined and dined every night if I wanted to. If it wasn't for that awful wrestling match in the car when you got home. Those roving hands, and the sloppy kisses and the fight to get the door open and escape.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Did many of them get away, Mrs Slocombe?

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Go and check the till, Miss Brahms!

• Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Well, I came to say that I haven't found the diamond.

  Miss Shirley Brahms : And I haven't found it, either.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : But if Miss Brahms or I did find it, we feel, and I am unanimous in this, that we ought to get a bigger cut.