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I can only hope that this movie is a more accurate depiction of the state of cinema than it is of the French justice system.

The former is apparently in such dire shape that this deserves to be nominated for major prizes. The lead actress does a solid enough job, sure. The dog even an outstanding one. Do we ever get to the point of caring? Well, not quite.

The whole script is haphazardly conjuring drama and tension, with none ever really manifesting. We watch an amateurish police investigation followed by what can only be described as the TikTok version of court. Everything is about appearances and rather than producing evidence, the participants just make sure to all add their subjective opinions with nothing to back them up. One would hope actual French justice is a lot better, or boy is the country in trouble.

The smart twist this whole thing is revolving around? Things happen in a couple that aren't necessarily conforming to social standards, yet that does not constitute proof of murder.

No sh** Sherlock.

This is like a writers brainstorm gone straight into production.

There are lots of great "what if" ideas here, and each of them could have made for a really great show, if only someone had turned them into a cohesive story.

Yet somehow none of them ever go anywhere and then the headless chicken of a script moves on to the next.

It tries to be all genres at once, and never gets beyond mediocre at any.

It stuffs in massive scenes with enormous effort and loads of extras. Only to fizzle out with no contribution to the story.

It makes massively absurd jokes, but while many of them rival Monty Python in absurdity, but that's where the parallel ends, because they're not innovative, not smart and - not funny.

It was intriguing as a trailer, but after 4 episodes of boredom and disappointment I'm not going to waste more time on this.

Honestly. What on earth was I watching?

My face hurts from all the grimaces I must have unwillingly pulled.

The levels of cringeworthiness are off the charts. The special effects are as abundant as they're pathetic. The dialogue is so wooden my ear might have caught a splinter. The patriotism is over-the-top and frankly ridiculous. And someone has watched way too many kung fu movies for their own good.

I guess this is a great commercial concept for its home market and the Indian-background audience abroad, but it does not make a good movie.

About the only remarkable thing is the amount of homoerotic tension between the main characters. Might India be making a timid step towards the 21st century? From the rest of movie it's really hard to tell.

We're following a family. The characters are of no interest, strange stuff happens, to which they respond in weird ways. Technically this is all well filmed and no expense has been spared for perfect 80s decoration, but nothing makes sense and nothing comes from it.

At first it felt like the weirdness would soon reveal something meaningful, or that the chemical incident teased at in the trailers would turn this in another direction. So I kept watching. But the characters remain irrelevant and the absurdities just keep piling up without contributing anything while the wafer thin story goes nowhere.

If you told me this was generated by an AI rather than actual script writers, it would explain a lot.

"White noise" really sums it up nicely.

You've been warned.

If you had any doubts this was an expensive production, it's going all out to dispel them. Famous actors and exotic locations go by the dozen. Explosions everywhere.

Sure. The sets and special effects end up looking a bit too pushed and interiors look almost comicall fake.

But none of this mattered.

I couldn't care less about the characters or the paper thin story. Nothing came across as credible or even interesting. This is low even by Netflix' standards Did they forget to hire writers and just improvised the script in their coffee breaks?

It's all there, locations, a decent cast, a good idea and sooooo much BS to take a piss on.

In the trailer it looked promising, but god is it bad.

The whole movie is a concatenation of scenes that really should have been funny, but are just embarrassingly not. I've cringed less in a Mister Bean movie. Unfortunately yet another typical Netflix product.

Perhaps the title is revealing the limitations of this mini series. Perhaps all of this is interesting, revealing or entertaining if you've grown up with British culture and its obsession with moldy old castles and their backwards inhabitants.

Not having done that and never having cared about aristocrats, this however went nowhere at all. It was pretty to look at, the acting was good and i liked the soundtrack. But the story, oh my, the story.

People I don't care the least about do pointless things for no discernible reason. Then other people I don't care about got worked up about that.

And the script fails to make any of it interesting or likable, or even understandable. In fact, the first episode started so weirdly that i paused and checked whether i had accidentally picked the second episode. Or perhaps that this was a sequel to something else. No. These people really did unexplained things for no reason.

The only takeaway from it? 1960s Britain apparently was very mysogynistic and prude. Big deal.

No idea how Stanley Tucci ended up in this soapy spanish ego puff-piece, but I truly feel sorry for him.

The characters are as flat as the medieval earth and the production looks about as cheap as a 1980s mexican telenovela.

Tucci is surrounded by also-rans who I didn't know before, and wish I hadn't, after.

That said, there's a generous portion of national glory, honor, pride, and the story seems to take itself too seriously at pretty much every turn.

If that's what you're into, perhaps you'll have a great time. Otherwise watching this is a complete waste of electricity.

Such a waste. The real problems surrounding the whole ward situation provided such an interesting start, and the evolution into picking the wrong opponent was promising. Seeing Peter Dinklage in his role however got me instantly worried this was going to be a light comedy. I wish it had only been that. The movie simply has no idea what it wants to be, and is going nowhere.

This one's a pity. It started so interesting. Good actors, interesting characters, high quality production. Sure, why did Louise have to get herself into such a mess, and why were Adele and David making such mystery of themselves. But hell, plenty of material was piling up to keep this on track for an interesting and credible clash and the ensuing consequences and resolution.

And then this. Really? Such a needless plot twist that throws all the carefully earned credibility out the window for a cheap gimmick? I guess this polished story needed to be watered down to sunday afternoon quality to truly be a Netflix product. It's as if you were cooking top quality steak to medium perfection, only to then throw it in the microwave before serving. Because hey, nobody saw that coming!

Congratulations, really. If this was an attempt to stuff pretty much every possible characteristic that could make a movie awful into one single work, this deserves a 10.

It's boring. It's predictable. Too long. Poorly acted. Illogical. Badly written. An insult to human intelligence. Stereotypical. Puzzled together out of stolen ideas from a dozen other movies. Cheesy. Defies the laws of physics even in the parts the "mystery" creature has nothing to do with. "Mystery" isn't really mysterious either. Tries to hide the generally poor execution under lots of pointless explosions and effects. Has a hideously stupid end. Shallow characters. Silly soundtrack. If there's anything else you can think of it probably has that, too.

Quite honestly I think I've seen Bollywood movies sung and danced in significantly greater sophistication. Hollywood is really hitting a new low. This movie should be perfect for piracy - that way you can just sample the first 20 minutes and then delete it. Nope, it doesn't get better later on.

After a somewhat weak second part, the end of the Bourne trilogy really shines. A start-to-end fast-paced action hunt this movie is sure to keep your pulse high all throughout. The story is not very complex and quite shrunk down from the book, but credibly told and it naturally integrates with the flow. Locations are extremely authentic (except i think they cleaned Tanger's streets a bit more than someone would believe who's been there :) ) Actually this global setting is what makes Bourne stand out from the pack. This is not your usual America-centric effect-stuffed action movie. You are really there, in all those countries, with all the right details of how they look and sound and behave. No stupid clichés. No pyrotechnical sparks flying when cars crash into each other. Instead find yourself immersed in a beautifully orchestrated symphony of broken glass and bending metal. And except for the phones i found no annoying product placements bending the story to show their names bigger on the screen. Excellent acting and well-done stunts round it all up.

All in all this movie is not a stunning new concept or daring experiment, but through and through solidly crafted and done with a lot of love for detail. A real pleasure to watch.

I guess this was an irresistible business case - a film about the American daydream par excellence: the fight between good and evil. Irresponsible people threaten the earth as usual and fortunately it's always easy to tell who is good and who isn't. Throw in plenty of good-selling violence, borrow a bit from Matrix towards the end, and don't forget the opportunity for a story full of logical flaws without the risk of anyone bothering, this movie simply commanded to be done. If you liked the game you might be wasting your time, because you've already seen most of the action. If you didn't, there's little chance you'll want to spend a second with this.

Being a rather cheap copy of Lars von Trier's original i found this mini series annoying after the first few minutes. While for Stephen King this may be rather good, i find it just a disgrace when you compare it to the original. Within minutes i found myself confronted with all the clichés i hate about cheap TV horror - exaggerated characters (sometimes combined with weird appearance to make sure everyone realizes something is wrong), exaggerated camera perspectives, puzzlingly stupid dialogs (just to remind you something is wrong here) and of course the typical horror soundtrack. It appears like this is just one of those typical American remakes that only serves to target a broader audience, less demanding, less daring, streamlined and average. Not for me.

Having seen both the Japanese original and Walter Salles' remake i find the remake was the best thing that could happen to this story. Salles picks up the original story without making just a copy. He fills the gaps (and there were plenty), corrects a lot of little flaws and adds the credibility that was lacking in the original. The original was in parts a horror movie, and a very poor one so. Predictable behavior, foreseen turnings, forced mysteriousness - the usual problems i have with so many horror movies. The other part is a family drama, with a weird happy end. The happiness of which intrudes into the horror story and further degrades it. Salles goes more than a step further here by not making a simple horror movie. Rather he's making a stressful movie. Stress? The stresses of everyday life in a difficult situation. A recent divorce, fighting for the custody of the child, low budget, cheap noisy apartment with wet ceiling, trouble at school, no contact with neighbors, careless caretakers and managers. It's a context fueled by very real issues people are struggling with every day. The mysterious components only add to this and drive it, until they finally take over. Very dense atmosphere and Jennifer Connelly's excellent acting make you feel this stress. What more can you ask for?